Ramadhan 1432H - Isnin, 1hb Ogos 2011

Amalan yang dibuat walaupun sedikit sebaiknya berterusan. Puasa walaupun tidak sempurna biarlah setiap hari penuh. Sahur walaupun mengantuk dan malas biarlah jangan ditinggalkan. Solat terawih walaupun lapan biarlah sehingga hari yang terakhir. Sedekah walaupun RM1 biarlah setiap peluang yang ada. Al-Quran walaupun semuka biarlah setiap waktu solat atau setiap hari. Belanja makan walaupun sekeping kueh biarlah setiap kali kita beli untuk diri sendiri. Kebaikan walaupun kecil biarlah dengan penuh keikhlasan dan hanya mengharapkan keredhaanNya. InsyaAllah. Izinkan dan permudahkan. Amin.

Wise words & wishes

We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds.  Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

      Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~
        A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself.
      An unexpected phone call from an old friend.
      Green stoplights on your way to work.
      The fastest line at the grocery store.
      A good sing-along song on the radio.
      Your keys found right where you left them.

 IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED!
 

REMEMBER THIS - VERY LITTLE IS NEEDED TO MAKE A HAPPY LIFE

My thoughts and I...

Friday, 29th July. I was so tired this weekend. Last weekend I was back in KL/Melaka. Alhamdulillah this week was another 4 days break due to Sunday and Monday being off for Larian 1Malaysia and Awal Ramadhan respectively. So, Friday was a day of marketing and stocking up food. I had to cook the itik that nenek Ama kirim through Suri. I had never cooked itik but I had already asked my ERT teachers and so, I decided to cook rendang. That took me almost 21/2 hours! Sedap juga. Tender. By the time I cleared out the marketing and preparing the chili, boiled the syrup for fasting month, made the gula melaka jelly and prepare the peanuts for the sauce later....it was almost 5pm.

Abd. Aziz bin Bachee - my father, my protector, my confidante, my whole life....

I was in the mood for doing something to fight off my frustration from Thursday. I took the old letters that I wanted to burn. Slowly I sat at the garage out there and started to burn the old letters one by one. Burned my past and feelings. Until I found Bapak's letters. I reread the letters and had a good cry. He wrote it when he was still suffering from the after effects of his second stroke. I had just gone to college and wrote to complain about my life there. He was a good and prompt letter writer. Very polite and telling about things at home. Missing me and telling me that he would prepare my favourite food when I came home next. You felt safe, protected, loved and yet you knew that you were free to fly anywhere. He was always there waiting for you. I kept the letters and had a good cry. Maybe that was what I needed. After Thursday's frustrations and no one really understood not even Noor, who just made it sounded so frivolous, I felt comforted. Thanks, Pak, though you were no longer around, you never actually left me, do you? I hope I have done the right thing for my children. I let them go where they need to go but let them feel that they can always come home to be protected, shielded and loved.

The comfortable feeling of being alone but never lonely. The house being the end lot and next to the waste land with no neighbours gave me the privacy to be on my own. I have been on my own and alone since Noor works until 10pm that I hate people to intrude into my aloneness uninvited. I am more protective of my aloneness now that the boys have all gone off pursuing new lives and horizons. Let them soar and fly. There's always a safe harbour at home as long as I am here.

The uniqueness of a woman

♥ Woman was made from the rib of man, she was not created from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be stepped upon. She was made from his side to be close to him, from beneath his arm to be protected by him, from near his heart to be loved by him. ♥

The end of an era... ;-D

Wednesday, 27th July. Silvan's retirement day. He might just be an office staff at the office but he was like a sturdy rock and steady influence in that school. An ex-staff used to say that Silvan was like the bridge in that school. Now it's already cracking. Without him, the school might just collapse. It was the end of a 38 year career in that school. He started at the age of 20 and retired at the age of 58. He looked as fit as a fiddle and belied his age. His hobby is jogging. He took care of his health well.

How can I count how much I am indebted to this Indian man whom I had known for 20 years? He was always an obliging man. All I needed was to ask and he would go out of his way to make my life a little easier in that school. I needed LCD set up in the Perdana room. All I had to do was told him the time. It would be taken cared of. My tap in the exam room was not functioning. He'd made sure it was taken cared of by calling a plumber. The air-cond wasn't working. He called the technician. I wanted to apply for a transfer. He used his influence and long standing friendship with one of the officers in the PPD to set up an appoinment for me. He even went to the extent of attending the appointment with me to give me support. Tell me...who would do that for me? :-) I needed a plumber for my house in Kuala Kedah. He gave me a number to contact. I was away for a 3 months course. He made sure my mails were rerouted or called me up to inform me about letters that needed immediate attention. He might be just an office staff but to me, he is my friend. I can tell him anything about my school life and trust him not to spread it around. My housing loan, my kontrak latihan chop, photostat materials....it's endless. Little things speak volumes.

So, what did I finally get him in appreciation? I bought him a beautiful, made of wood table clock. Simple, understated elegance. Rm100 after asking for a discount because Akmal knows the son. Divide the price with 20 years. It'll never repay the cost of his friendship. Thank you, Silvan, for everything. May your retirement life be filled with life's blessings.

I thank you ... for all the goodness, kindness and thoughtfulness that our 20 years of friendship brings.

Mengapa Kita Diuji?

Mengapa kita diuji

Kita selalu bertanya dan Quran sudah menjawabnya.

Kita bertanya : Kenapa aku diuji?
Quran menjawab : "Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan, "Kami telah beriman, sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji orang-orang yang sebelum mereka, dan sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui orang-orang yang benar, dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui orang-orang yang berdusta" (Al-Ankabut:2-3)

Kita bertanya : Kenapa aku tidak dapat apa yang aku idam-idamkan?
Quran menjawab : "Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagi mu, dan boleh jadi kamu meyukai sesuatu, pada hal ia amat buruk bagi mu. Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." (Al-Baqarah:216)

Kita bertanya : Kenapa ujian seberat ini?
Quran menjawab : "Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya." (Al-Baqarah: 286)

Kita bertanya : Kenapa kita rasa frust?
Quran menjawab : "Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah orang-orang yang paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang-orang yang beriman." (Al-Imran:139)

Kita bertanya : Bagaimana harus aku menghadapinya?
Quran menjawab : "Dan mintalah pertolongan daripada Allah dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang, dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amat berat kecuali bagi orang-orang yang khusyuk." (Al-Baqarah:45)

Kita bertanya : Kepada siapa aku berharap?
Quran menjawab : "Cukuplah Allah bagi ku, tidak ada tuhan selain daripada Nya. Hanya pada Nya aku bertawakkal." (At-Taubah:129)

Kita bertanya : Apa yang aku dapat daripada semua ujian ini?
Quran menjawab : "Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli daripada orang-orang mukmin, diri dan harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga untuk mereka." (At-Taubah:111)

Kita berkata : Aku tak tahan!!!
Quran menjawab : "...dan janganlah kamu berputus asa daripada rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa daripada rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yang kafir." (Yusuf:12)

Kita berkata : Sampai bila akan aku merana begini?Quran menjawab : "Sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan. Sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan." (A-Insyirah:5-6)

Sudah! Jangan mengeluh lagi. Pergi baca Quran :-) Di situlah ketenangan, kekuatan dan kesabaran yang dicari. InsyaAllah.

Jangan Berputus harap....

Kak Safiah told me about her friend who was promoted as HM effective 1st August. She was so excited and hoped that she would also got it. Well, she deserved it. InsyaAllah, dipermudahkan kenaikan pangkat dia.

Although I felt happy for her, I was also feeling so down. She had a chance to move on and get out of the school. Me? I am only a staff. There is no way I will be able to get out of this school at least until the end of the year when I fill in the transfer form. Obviously, my meeting with Uztaz Mohd Noor comes to nought. Maybe this is the best place for me, hence, I am not being transferred out. Depressing but that doesn't mean I don't do my work as best as I can. Bersangka baik dengan Allah. Jangan berputus harap pada Allah walaupun harapan tiada terhadap manusia. Allah lebih mengetahui mana yang lebih baik untuk kita. 

"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagi mu, dan boleh jadi kamu meyukai sesuatu, pada hal ia amat buruk bagi mu. Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." (Al-Baqarah:216)

Women...

Women have energy that amazes men.
They meet difficulties and manage serious problems, while remaining cheerful, loving and joyous.
They smile when they want to cry out,
They sing when they want to shed tears,
They cry when they are happy;
and laugh when they are nervous.

They battle for what they believe in.
They rebel against injustice.
They do not accept "no" for an answer when they think there is a better solution.
They deny themselves to keep the family sustained.
They go to the doctor with an anxious friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children achieve success.
They rejoice at the good fortune of their friends.
They are happy when they hear talk of a birth or marriage.

Their hearts are bruised when a friend dies.
They suffer from the loss of a dear person.
They are strong when they think they have no more energy.
They know a hug and a kiss can heal a wounded heart.

There is no doubt that a woman has a defect....
 It is that she forgets what she is worth.

Subhanallah...

Home. Alor Setar. Akmal drove non-stop from KL and we reached A/S at 12:30pm. We didn't stop because we had eaten breakfast, the petrol was full and I didn't need to use the toilet. So, there was no reason to stop hence he just drove one. Alhamdulillah. The vitality of youth.

 Yesterday, 23July, Saturday, was a blessed day. After breakfast we packed and got ready to leave Melaka for Seremban. When we reached SDAR, Ikram was already waiting. Akmal went to see his ex-teacher for permission to take Ikram out. The teacher remembered him very well thus he let Ikram off. He had to return by tonight as he had Biology workshop at 8:00am the next day. So, we went to Bangi to go and visit Nadia who had returned from Australia 2 months ago. We had lunch and just caught up with each other's news. We sent Ikram back to school after we had bought dinner and whatever he might need. Plus all the goodies that Kak Leha and Kak Ti sent for him. We finally reached Kelana Jaya at 10pm. So tired. Yet, so satisfied for having all the boys together even for a while. Alhamdulillah.

Home is as usual. I don't expect him to clean up anyway. At least he gave me permission to return to my family. For that, I am grateful.

Food galore...

Alhamdulillah. We went to the market - Kak Leha, Wah & I. On the way, we stopped at the graveyard and visited Mak & Bapak's graves. The place is so serene, solemn and peaceful. I'm sure my sisters don't agree with me but since I'm the driver, they had no choice but to wait for me. I miss them, always.

Then, we proceeded to the market. It's like letting Wah go free. We missed the kuehs. Especially the kueh bakar, pulut tetal, kueh chang, kueh ku. We bought to our hearts' content. We went home happily with our buy and Kak Leha fried mee for us. This is one of the reasons I liked coming home to my family. Dimanjakan, dilayan, disayangi macam Mak kalau ada. I tau I manja and I lah adik yang ada masa ni, so...they really manjakan I. Anyway, I seldom got time like this with them. We really ate the kueh.

Pulut tetal with sekaya

Kueh sekaya bakar - my favourite

HMMMmmm...yummilicious. After this I don't think I'll buy kueh in KL or A/S.Terima kasih Ya Allah kerana mengizinkan waktu ini bersama-sama kakak2 ku. Izinkanlah silaturrahim dan ukhuwah ini diredhai dan diberkati oleh Mu. Peliharalah kurniaan kasih sayang Mu antara kami. Amin.

What a day!

Friday, 22nd July. We left Kelana Jaya early morning and reached Melaka @ 9:30am. The two sisters had planned our lunch. Eat at Kak Leha's house and Kak Ti would bring what she had cooked over there. We sat around the kitchen table and gossiped and caught up with the news. Abg. Md. Noor was getting restless being ignored and kept coming into the kitchen to butt into our bonding time. We planned to meet Kak Haj at A'Famosa after the Friday prayers. But, we could only plan, Allah determined everything. There was an accident along the highway and her bus was stuck for almost a few hours.

We went to meet her after Asar. My sisters were so teruk. They were like tourists for they had not been to this area for so long. Yeah, Bandar Hilir had changed for the  better. The schools - SFI, Sacred Heart Convent, High School are still there along the tourists' stretch. I enjoyed people watching. There were many tourists and definitely none from Melaka itself. So, we decided to go into the cool Dataran Pahlawan shopping complex. Finally, Kak Haj arrived and we met up at McD. Of course, when the sisters met up, there were noises and laughter and serious story telling. Kak Hajar was on a trip  organised by her Rukun Tetangga. That lady is sure busy. Sometimes it is difficult to keep track of her. Thank God for facebook, e-mails and handphones. :-D.

Then at night, Zul, my nephew treated us to ikan bakar dinner at Anjung Batu at Umbai to celebrate Wah's birthday. Last night we treated Wah at Manhattan's Fish Market at Subang Parade. We also had a cake cutting ceremony sponsored by Ani, Zul's wife. Lunch was already delicious with home cooking. Yeah, it was a good day. Wah enjoyed her birthday.It's celebrated for three days!!! The only thing that made me a little down was Ikram could not get an overnight outing. Oh well, maybe it's meant to be. We will go and see him in Seremban and Nadia in Bangi. Izinkan Ya Allah, kami bertemu dengan Ikram dan Nadia. Peliharailah kasih sayang antara kami dan permudahkanlah.

Manhattan Fish Market for birthday dinner - 21st July - First menu

Manhattan Fish market - Second menu

The birthday cake courtesy of Zul & Ani

Satay at Nadia's apartment - 23rd July

Jagung rebus courtesy of Kak Leha

The balance of the birthday cake

I'll miss them....

I'm in Melaka today at Kak Leha's house Kak Ti and Wah are here too. The boys and men have gone for Friday prayers. We all bergolek at one part of this house and just talk about things. About our siblings, their suka2 business, about Kak Ti's handmade products...basically anything that just concerns us. I just lie back and observe and listen to them. Been quite some time I could do this. I can only do this if I come home without Noor. I always prefer to come home on my own. Just lepak with my sisters and being pampered, taken care of and just doing nothing. My sisters prefer I come home on my own because they can ask me to take them anywhere.

I told them that this Hari Raya we will come back on the 3rd day. They protested because by that time most of them would have traveled back to their own destinations. The food prepared specially for this day would be finished. They wanted me to come home without Noor. Already I missed out on so many gatherings, events and just family bonding. Most of the time I hardly meet up with any of the siblings because I'm stuck at one or other of Noor family's functions. My sisters pun dah fed up juga. Last May I came back for only a few hours because there is a khenduri and Juli's housewarming. I hardly see them. We went to KL and see Wah for only a couple of hours too. Noor wanted us to go back with him.

This time I just made the decision to go home to Melaka/KL with my son and took leave on Sunday. I didn't discuss with him but just told him. Kak Hajar from Camerons is also in Melaka for a trip with her friends. So, I hope to meet her. I miss them. I love them. We are not only sisters. We are friends. Alhamudlillah for this time given to spend with them.

How the day starts is not how it may ends.....

The day started fine. The Canteen Day went smoothly. We managed to sell a lot of extra coupons since I'm in charge of selling coupons. I managed to treat students with my coupons. Bought some food for myself and finished off the rm20 coupons. Fine. I went home and had a good nap which I deserved after a hectic week. I thought the day would end well. Hmm...Allah hendak menduga kesabaran dan keredhaan ku menghadapi semuanya. Ampunilah aku jika aku tidak sabar. Berilah aku kekuatan dan kesabaran.

 I went to the night tuition and there was a dinner held that night. The school was full of people. More students came to my class tonight maybe due to the talk yesterday. I'm frustrated because they came and made a lot of noise. They talked and left the class. They didn't copy the essay I'd written on the board. It was a fruitless evening. I had to keep reminding them the reason they were here. I felt so down that I cancelled the class in August in respect of Ramadhan. If this is the attitude, no thanks. I get enough of this attitude in school. I don't need it from this class which I voluntarily come.

So, how the day starts may not be how the day ends. At least Allah gives me strength and patience to face all these little tests for me. Allah menduga kerana 3 perkara :- menghukum kita, menguji kesabaran kita dan meningkatkan tahap keimanan kita. Harapnya janganlah yang pertama.

A first....

Today I was given the experience to be a speaker on answering technique on PMR English at SMK Hutan Kampung. Well...there's always a first time for everything. It took me almost two weeks of preparation bit by bit on my power point. I could say that most of the students did listened. After an hour they started to get restless and I ended it in an hour and a half. I felt it was good and relieved that it was over. I know I had done my best. Alhamdulillah, whatever little knowledge that Allah swt has given me I could share it with others. May they use it wisely and to further themselves in both knowledge of the world and thereafter. Knowledge shared is knowledge gained.

If yesterday was full of trials, today was full of ease. Allah is amazing and all knowing. Yesterday, early morning, Wah smsed that she was sick and thus could not go to the office to fax my letter to Google. Oh well, small matter. There's always tomorrow. Then, I had relieved class with Form 1B2 and lost my temper with them. Later, Kak Safiah did not give her permission for me to leave early for the talk tomorrow. Oh well...Allah will guide me. Anyway, tomorrow's problem is tomorrow's problem. I do not have to cross the bridge until I get to it.
 
Today was such a blessed day. Kak Safiah was not in. HM was not in. Only the PKHEM. I asked his permission and alhamdulillah, he okayed it. At least I didn't have to make excuses to leave early. What was great was I managed to distribute the coupons for the Co-Curricular day. I managed to hunt for every single one of them so I did not miss out anybody except Norazah. Finally, no relief class!!!My talk ran smoothly. I had done my best. Allah tested me again. Wah just could not send the fax to Google after a few attempts. Maybe it was just not meant to be. I will miss my writings, thoughts and ramblings. Three years of writings gone into cyber world. What a waste. If it's meant to be, then it is meant to be. Yet, I'll try again tomorrow. InsyaAllah.

There are no coincidences in life...

That's what the Kedah mufti said. Everything that happens because they are meant to happen and not coincidences. Thus, it was not a conincidence that I met Uztaz Mohd Noor of SMA Makarimul Akhlak who offered me to come to his school. Well, I can just hope something will come out of this meeting. If Allah wills it, Alhamdulillah. If not, it was never meant to be. Jangan berputus harap dengan Allah. Mungkin Dia lebih mengetahui apakah itu yang terbaik untuk ku. Bersabar lah. Berdoalah. Berserahlah. InsyaAllah. Bersangka baik dengan Allah swt.

I found an old friend who was a part of my life back in the 80's on facebook while looking for another person. Is that another coincidence or fated? Thus, I started communicating with him via e-mail. It's like finding a long, lost friend. Yet, I feel guilty if I am disrupting his settled life over there. After his marriage, he has always been referred to as Noor's friend though I knew him first. Is this another coincidence? I like writing to him and sharing bits of my life here. Maybe he is not interested and is just being polite in replying my mails.Give me guidance ya Allah.

Hmmm...mmm...

Sometimes I am so stupid! Technologically. I honestly had done something that my gmail has been blocked and I can't access my blog. I have been writing since 2008! All my thoughts, happiness, sorrow, eventful incidents and just rambling thoughts gone in virtual world. ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!! I must to try to unlock it. I am so down. So, I am starting a new blog to express myself. I need to write. I need to arrange my thoughts myself. It's not that I have somebody to talk to. So, this is how I keep myself sane without Noor or the boys at home. Most of the time I'm alone. Alone but not lonely.