Do I have the strength ... ???

This is Ching or as her owner calls her - Bushy. If you have read my older posts, I wrote about her and her kittens in "My Feline Friend" dated 6th March 2015. She is very quiet. Actually, her owner said she is depressed, sad and hardly ate anything for the past few days. Her teats were swollen. She lost her three kittens. They should be about three months old. She came over to my house and sat at her feeding station - just waiting to be fed. She hardly meowed or made any cat sound. She just looked at you with her expressive, soulful eyes.... asking to be understood. I put some cat food into my palm and put it near her mouth. She ate a little, just to pacify me. After a few days, she began to eat from the feeding bowl. She is just a cat, you might say, but she has feelings and nurturing instinct of a mother.

Then, there is Kitty as I call her or Lucy as her owner calls her. This is one of Ching's kittens in the posting referred to above. She had already given birth to a litter of three kittens. Her owner wanted to give away her kittens as another one her cats was also pregnant. My sister in-law in Kangar wanted the kittens. I told her to wait for two months to wean the kittens from their mother. We did not take into account the feelings of the poor young mother cat. When I went to collect the kittens from the owner, Kitty followed me until my house and got into the box in which I had put them in. Even after my sister in-law had driven away with the kittens, she just waited outside my door step every day (that was almost three months ago) ... and when I let her into the house, she started to sniff every part of the living room looking for her kittens. Only Allah knows how bad I feel ... until now she still waits outside my house or under the car in the porch. She meows for her food and only goes home if she is hungry or the owner calls for her. She is just a cat ....

Why am I pursuing this line of thoughts ... recently Noor received a message via his family whatsapp that a mother wanted to give up her eight month old baby due to poverty and her unfavourable condition. It was a baby boy. I suggested that they sponsored or fostered the poor woman rather than separate them. She refused as she had another two young kids with her. One of his sisters was willing to find a foster family willing to adopt the baby. The baby is eight months old. He should still be breast feeding by his mother. He has bonded with his mother emotionally, mentally and physically. How is the mother going to let him go? She has to have a heart as hard as stone to be able to give up the baby, turn away and not looking back ... only Allah knows how she feels ..

I cannot imagine the magnitude of strength and resolve that she must have had to let him go. If the two cats described above makes me feel so horrible and sad ... imagine how devastated the mother feels. I can just hope and pray that she has the faith that by letting go, she is ensuring a better future for the child. That alone can give her the strength to carry on with her life with the older kids. I feel for her as I feel for the poor mother cats. What trials and tests await her future .. or the older kids' future.

If I am in her situation, do I have the strength to do it?  Can I do it? Only Allah knows. And in Him we trust and surrender.

Olympics Rio 2016

How do I sum up my feelings about the 2016 Olympics? How my heart is bursting with pride with our athletes' achievements and making waves (diving), landmarks and going all out to bring glory to my little country - Malaysia? How I cried in anguish and despair at the badminton team for being so close yet so far. How the gold eludes us and although it is just one point out of our grasp ... it is just not ours .... this year. Come Olympics Tokyo 2020, I believe we will rise again and give our all with our hearts, body and soul to achieve the Olympic gold. This song was performed by the late Whitney Houston at the 1988 Los Angeles Olympics. It expresses exactly what every Olympic athlete feels and goes through.


One Moment In Time

Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown

I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

I've lived to be
The very best
I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

My respect and salute to all the athletes who have taken part and was a part of Rio Olympics. My thanks and appreciation to the athletes who have won a medal to bring pride and honour to themselves and the country ... until the next Olympics....

Tribute to badminton men's doubles - Goh V. Shem & Tan W. Kiong, mixed doubles - Peng Soon Li & Goh Liu Ying, men's single - Dato' Lee Chong Wei; divers - Pandelela Rinong & Cheong Jun Hoong and the awesome win of AzizulHasni Awang for keirin (cycling).

If Only We Could ...

Do you wish you could go back to the past? Yes, I wish I could go back to the past and yes, I do not want to change anything. I suppose I have reached the stage of my life where I accept that this is my life now. Even if there are regrets, you cannot do anything much except to make sure that the future is livable and acceptable. Just make the best of the situation would be my life's motto. I put out this question to my youngest son - "What if I had married someone else?" He looked at me and with all innocence - "Then you would not have us...". How true .... and I would not exchange them for anything in this world.

What would I like to re-live of my past that is my most precious moments? I guess knowing what love is all about. The innocence, the believe, the faith and the sentiment (thanks to all the fairy tales that we have been exposed to) that love ends happily ever after. At that stage of life, with no experience except as friends, good friends, best friends etc ... how naive and trusting we were. All the sentiments planted in our  minds ... love conquers all ... love is letting go ... love has no pride ... love is everything ... Now that we are adults (and  matured, hopefully) with loads of experience emotionally and mentally, we have become more cynical and skeptical. We know better that love is compromise, tolerance, patience, give and take (though more often more giving than taking) and acceptance. Thus, we wish we could go back to the past .... hmmm ... ;-))

There are so many precious moments that all of us would like to re-live. There are so many things we can learn from the past too. And ... there are so many things that we do not want to re-live ... yet have to accept. Each moment of time teaches us a lesson which either we learn from it or ignore it.

Home ... ;-))

Home sweet home. Nothing beats the comfort of home. But for me, home means more than that. Home means my sanctuary. My solitude. My aloneness with my plants (starting to do gardening with a few potted plants), the PR (permanent resident) neighbour's cats, the pigeons and various other species of birds, the symphony of birds' songs, another neighbour's brood of chickens ... just me and myself.

This is what I miss when I am away from home especially after a couple of weeks. I would substitute coffee for tea. Hot, steaming cup of earl grey tea with a twist of lemon ... just sit at my porch and enjoy the silence of my neighbourhood since it is a working and schooling day. Get a good book and just be with myself. Home may be in a perpetual mess, organised chaos and topsy-turvy but ... it is comfortable and welcoming. It is so unlike me - organised, orderly and disciplined. With a partner who is totally opposites, we compromised and make it home.

Thus, the question arises - loneliness or freedom? I suppose in my case it is not loneliness as I am alone and have been alone most of my married life. Noor goes off to work from 10:00am to 10:00pm. When the boys have gone off to boarding school and then to universities ... I am practically alone for twelve hours daily. Which is a blessing as I can get my work done with ease and contentment.

Hence, to me ... home is freedom. Free of family and social obligations. Commitments. Responsibilities. It is just me and myself .... until Noor comes home ... ;-(0))

The Bus Ride ...

That expresses what I am feeling now. After the Raya trip, the Kuantan trip and the Shah Alam/Klang trip last weekend ... I am so tired. It's just a gap of two weeks each. I have been travelling every alternate weekend for the past 6 weeks. It is not good for my back and I hate to depend on my pain killers for some relief.

Tha past weekend, we decided to take the bus. I could hardly recall the last time I took the express bus to anywhere. Every time we drove, we would be so sleepy and so tired that a five hour journey would take six hours or more due to more pit stops. So, to go down that weekend for the function of aqiqah/pergi haji of his cousins ... we discussed public transportation. Firstly, we discussed the ETS or the electric train. It takes only four and a half hours from Alor Setar to KL Sentral. When I checked out the schedule, it was not convenient. There were only four trips to KL Sentral and the last trip was at 8:34pm and would arrive KL Sentral at 1:05pm. It was not convenient as we had to take the komuter to Shah Alam. We did not expect to trouble his sister to come to KL Sentral just to pick us up at that hour. The second last trip was at 5:35pm and arriving at KL Sentral at 11:05pm. The last train to Shah Alam would be at 11:00pm. Thus, that suggestion was put aside.

Next suggestion was to take the flight. There was Firefly and Malindo Air which would land at Subang Airport. Same scenario. The problem was the schedule. My partner could only leave after 10:00pm. There was no flight after that hour. KLIA was too far to trouble others to pick us up. Hence, we finally decided to take the 11:15pm bus which would take us directly to Shah Alam.

There was no problem getting tickets for that Friday night. We had a pleasant and smooth trip. The bus was comfortable and I opted to buy single seats instead of double. Thus, we sat in front of each other with space and privacy. I could not sleep well as I could not sleep in a moving vehicle whether it was a car or whatever. That was the problem why I always ended up tired upon arrival. Anyway, it was quite near his sister to pick us up at Seksyen 13, Shah Alam at 5:15am. The bus was going very fast that I could only pray that no untoward incident would occur. Just last month there was another accident neat the Menora tunnel.

Our return ticket was another story. North-bound tickets were sold out for that Sunday night. His sister managed to get tickets for us on a Hat Yai bound bus. Well, anything is better than nothing as my partner had to work on Monday. The Shah Alam temporary bus station was very disappointing for such a renowned place. It was unkempt, dirty, miserably small to handle such a large crowd of passengers. The toilets were reasonably acceptable as it charged thirty sen per entrance. As it only had two cubicles, I wondered how it coped with peak hour passengers. When I went to buy some drinks at the only makeshift convenience store there, the staff told me (as usual I asked) they had been there for almost two and a half years. The authorities said it would only be for a year but till now, there were no news when the renovation and extension at the old bus terminal would be ready. The least the authorities could do was to make the place more acceptable and clean. I hoped the respective authorities would make this place more conducive and comfortable like other bus terminals as some passengers came much earlier due to distance and had to spend hours here.

There were limited number of seats and some of them were broken and stained. The floor was littered with rubbish which partly was the passengers' irresponsible attitude. 

There were only four such tables and all were fully littered with rubbish. I collected all the rubbish from on the tables and wiped it clean with tissue to be able to put our bags and sat while waiting for our bus.

 Our 10:30pm bus finally arrived at 11:45pm due to an accident along the way. The bus was from Klang. At least the bus was comfortable and again, we opted for single seats. But, the bus driver was also driving very fast and we arrived Alor Setar at 4:15am. It was only a four and a half hour journey with a fifteen minute pit stop at Juru rest area. Hmmm ... the confidence of the drivers. This driver drove non-stop without changing any drivers. Well, we managed to arrive safely and the journey was smooth.

Although it was convenient in a sense that if we were to drive, we would be so tired and sleepy due to our tight schedule that weekend. But the drivers were very fast and I supposed they were just adhering to their own tight schedule too. I guessed experience too made them confident drivers. Besides, they had faith in their buses. All in all, a nostalgic experience but one I do not think I will repeat in the near future .... unless I really have to. Since both of us are light travellers - we always take just a back pack - and we always see the positive side of things, thus, it was easier even though my partner knows what kind of person I am. Well, adapt and adopt and make the best of the situation. Alhamdulillah .. for we learn to appreciate and be grateful.