ALLAH's MAGIC...

MasyaAllah. SubhanAllah. Alhamduliilah. We always think that it happens in the movies :-)

I was thinking of Nooraini ever since she replied my message and informed me that Yatie, her sister had passed away last October due to Cushing's syndrom. It's water retention in the body as a result of the anaesthetic given during childbirth. She was only 47 years old. I haven't seen her for so many years due to time constraint. I planned to see her during the Hari Raya break but you know, we could only plan.

Last Saturday I was in Melaka after visiting Ikram in Seremban. That night Kak Leha wanted to go to Mydin, Air Keroh. As usual I was the driver. I was waiting along the aisle of the frozen food while waiting for Kak Leha to pick up her groceries. Due to a lot of people, I waited there with the trolley. I was thinking of Nooraini and how to go to Air Keroh Heights tomorrow. Memang dah niat dah. It's all I could do as a friend. As I was observing all these people making their choices, I saw someone strolling opposite me with a trolley that really looked like her.

I was not very sure it could be her. My mouth uttered Nooraini out loud but I am sure not loud enough for her to hear me due to our distance and the crowd. Yet, she looked up and looked around and saw me directly opposite her. All we could do was gave a big smile to each other and hugged each other tightly. We ignored the crowd. I could just look at her with disbelief that someone that I was really thinking hard enough was right in front of me. This was stuff for the movies. I asked her the directions to her house and promised her to see her the next day. MasyaAllah. Engkau Maha Mengetahui apa yang tersirat di hati hamba Mu ini.

The next day I managed to find her house. Her mother was bed ridden. She was on a two months unpaid leave. We talked about her plans and her mum, the death of Yatie, who was my junior in CHIJ. We used to go to her house for free lunch whenever we had to stay back after school. I know her family well. She's single due to her choice as she is the eldest daughter of 3, her father passed away when she was little, the sole bread winner with a good position and the strength of the close-knitted family. I love her as my friend and sister in Islam. What was so touching was that she was called up for Haj this year but she declined as Yatie was already in ICU. She was glad she did not go as Yatie passed away two days after her departure date. It was meant to be but Tabung Haji said they would KIV her name for next year. Permudahkanlah untuk shabat ku ini ya Allah.

The most I could do is just to be her friend. Thank you Allah. Sometimes, I am so afraid of you but not in the sense of fearing you. Just so afraid of your kindness towards me and my wants in this world as I always feel that I just do not deserve it. Yet, Thank you. Alhamdulillah. Izinkan aku menjadi hambaMu yang sangat bersyukur.

Al-Fatihah untuk aruah Yatie

It's meant to be...

Last Thursday, 17th November, I received news that Johari was admitted to ICU. I knew him when I first came to this school. He was promoted and transferred to another school as a Guru Besar. He was a nice man. Open, out spoken but always courteous and respectful. He was 52 years old. I was not sure why.  The bearer of news said it was an infection but not sure on which part of the body. I was already busy and hadn't done my packing as I was leaving for KL the next day. I had promised Ikram I would see him on Saturday.

That Thursday, Rokiah's daughter came to school to take some forms for her to sign. I helped her to type Rokiah's SKT form and chatted with her, being my ex-student. Rokiah had been warded for almost 4 months due to complications of her diabetes. Her daughter said that she was in CCU for almost a month. She will be going for a by-pass surgery next week. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah untuknya. She is only 45 years old.

As if that's not enough, I learned that Hafsah's got her termination letter effective January 2012. Noordin Sopiee & Associates will be winding down operations. She will be out of a job. She is 53 years old. She has enough to last her a year without working. It will be tough due to her age. People will want to hire someone younger and less experience as they can offer a lower salary. Maybe it's time to move on.

Everything happens for a reason. Segala-galanya adalah ketentuan. Tiba masanya "kun Faya kun" maka jadilah seperti apa yang telah ditetapkan sejak kita di Loh Mahfuz lagi. InsyaAllah, things will work out by itself. All these news on one day i.e. Thursday. Last Sunday, 20th November, I received an SMS informing me that Johari had passed away. Innalillahi-wainna-illaihiraji'un. Daripada Allah kita datang, kepadaNya jugalah kita kembali. Al-Fatihah for a friend.

"Sometimes Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul,

He breaks our heart to make us whole,

He sends us pain so we can be stronger.

He sends us failure so we can be humble,

He sends us illness so we can take care of ourselves;

Sometimes He takes everything away from us 

so we can learn the value of everything."

NEVER TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED.
Finally, last Sunday Nooraini sms me. I thought we could meet up since I was in KL and we had not met for a few years. She told me that her sister, Yatie, had passed away on 28th October. I just asked her where she was now and she said she's in Air Keroh. I will try to find her sister's house this weekend. She had taken 2 months leave to calm her ailing mother. Yatie was my junior in school. She was only 47 years old with 3 children. Nooraini must be devastated and her mum, inconsolable. We had been friends since school. What else can I do to help ease her pain? Just be friend I suppose.

HAPPINESS?

I read an interesting article in the Sunday Star's newspaper yesterday (Sunday, 20th November). The title was "Scared to be too happy" written by Sumiko Tan. The part where she wrote - 'No longer do I seek Happiness (with a capital H) by chasing grand-lofty concepts such as Love, Wealth, Achievement and Fame. I've concluded that it's best to just accept what life has to offer, go with the flow, try my best in whatever I do, harm no one and hope that no one harms me,too. It's the small things nowadays that make me truly happy, and which I long for more.'  She listed a few things that make her happy.

Over the years, I too, do not look for happiness per se. I now look for acceptance (keredhaan). What makes me happy?
1. When I get a call from my sons and we talked for hours.
2. When I saw a rainbow after the rain.
3. When the birds come around to feed on the rice I throw out to them.
4. When I am given the opportunity to give more alms and watch the receiver smiles.
5. When I can give something that someone asks for especially family and friends.
6. When I make someone's life easier just by doing something big or small for them.
7. When I get e-mails, calls or just spend some time with dear friends.
8. When I can buy and give gifts to friends and family or an acquaintance.
9. When I get time out for my self, by my self, for my self without having to think of responsibilities.
10. When I can make someone happy just with my presence, my e-mail, my call or my time.  :=)

Maka nikmat Allah manakah yang kamu dustakan?

Syafiq and I left Alor Setar after Subuh on Friday, 18th November, as usual in high spirits and excited that we were finally going to go to KL. Everything went well and smooth until we reached Seberang Jaya road in Penang.. It was after the hospital. We were in the middle of heavy traffic. We were on the right lane as we were going to head south. Suddenly, the car stopped. Dead. The temperature was high and it refused to start. Ya Allah, we were caught in the middle of a heavy traffic jam due to the morning traffic rush. I turned on the emergency lights. There was nothing we could do but sit and wait. Motorbikes and cars zoomed speedily on both sides of the lane. I was so afraid but we were so calm. I could only recite "Rabbi-yassir-wala-tuassir". Permudahkanlah Ya Allah, permudahkanlah.

Suddenly, a man on a motorbike knocked on the car's window and asked what was wrong. He wore a Penang Bridge vest. We told him the car would not start. So, he said it was okay. Syafiq got out and together with him, pushed the car to the left side of the road where there was an emergency lane. He stopped the cars and managed to take us safely across. I could only breathe in relief as at least we were out of the rush hour traffic. It was already slightly after 8:00am. Syukur Alhamdulillah. That man was the from the Penang Bridge unit. At least I did not cause anybody to be late for work. Dalam kesukaran, Kau beri kami kemudahan. "Maka nikmat Allah manakah yang kamu dustakan?"    

Syafiq opened the bonnet and saw that the radiator's water was dry. We saw a nasi lemak stall across the side of the road. So, he crossed over the drain and walked to them and asked for some water and the man kindly gave us a bottle of it. Ya Allah, Kau permudahkan segala urusan kami. Then, PLUS Bantuan came and stopped to assist us. The two men managed to lower the temperature enough to send us to Juru R&R. One of them even drove us there in case something happened again. When we reached the R&R, they checked our car and could not find anything wrong with it. The car was only 3 years old. He suggested that we went to Proton Service at Juru Auto City. Okay....I called Shaun, my nephew, a lecturer at UiTM Permatang Pauh. Syukur he was in Penang. He was in KL last week. I could not thank the two men enough for being very kind to us. Ya Allah, kau temukan aku dengan orang-orang yang baik yang mempermudahkan kesusahan ku. "Setelah kesusahan datang kesenangan; setelah kesusahan datang kesenangan; Hendaklah engkau berusaha dan hanya kepada Tuhan mu engkau berserah" (Surah Al-Insyirah). 


At Proton Service, there were a lot of cars. By the time they called me it was almost noon. The technicians took a break at 12:30pm due to Friday prayers. They would continue after the prayers at 2:45pm. Shaun sent me to his house to rest and took Syafiq to the mosque After we had lunch, he sent me back to the service centre. He had to go back to his office for a meeting. I could only thank him and hope that the car would be alright. I expected I'm going to be charged a few hundred ringgit being Proton Service. They told me what they had to do and estimated cost. I agreed. They changed the thermostat, did welding and something about the coolant. It came to Rm81.00. Alhamdulillah. By now it was almost 5:00pm. I could only thank them. Yes, we wasted a whole day there but maybe it was Allah's way of teaching me patience and tolerance. We continued our way to KL. It was raining heavily along Perak highway. Finally, we reached Hafsah's house around 11:00pm, tired and sleepy. Alhamdulillah.

Dalam kesukaran, Kau beri kemudahan. Dalam kesusahan, Kau beri kesenangan. Dalam kekalutan, Kau beri ketenangan. Dalam kerisauan, Kau beri petunjuk dan bimbingan. Dalam kekecewaan, Kau beri kesabaran. Ya Allah, aku hanya mampu melafazkan syukur ku dalam sujud ku. Syukur aku dan Syafiq masih dalam perlindungan, keberkatan dan keredhaanMu. "Maka nikmat Allah manakah yang kau dustakan?"

                Hasbiyallah-hu-wanikmal-wakeel  (Cukuplah Allah bagi ku)

If only its that easy...

12th NOVEMBER 2011

I am 50 today. :=)   My sons said I am already a warga emas!

I loved the birthday video that Syafiq posted on my facebook wall. It was so cute! It was about 3 robots who pushed each other into the frame and sang the birthday song. He said it represented Akmal, him and Ikram. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you, Fiq. Akmal sent a message wishing that all my dreams will come true. How sweet. Only my sons know my life here.

A friend sent a wish via e-mail. It was sweet that he remembered after all these years. I am very touched. Nooraini as usual without fail would send me a birthday message. She never forgot after all these years since school days. Adik wished me on time this year. That was due to Syafiq's post. I am blessed to be surrounded by beautiful, thoughtful, lovely and meaningful people in my life. Sometimes I wonder what have I done to deserve them?

The final rites of Haj and HOME....

I performed the tawaf haji and saie haji with Omayah. Noor had Pak Wan with him. MasyaAllah, both of us were given space by Allah to perform it among the millions of others. We didn't have to go up to the first floor for our tawaf. Dalam kesempitan ada kelapangan. We could walk around Kaabah in peace without jostling for space or being pushed by others. We continued with our saie and all we could do when we had completed is to just cry with relief and sujud syukur. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. We had completed our Haj and our 5th pillar of the Islam tenet. I was happy, sad, relieved, a burden uplifted and the feeling of being whole, accepted and forgiven. It was a satisfying and comfortable kind of feeling. It was beautiful. Tawaf wida' was so sad and I was crying uncontrollably to say goodbye to a place where only the invited ones could come. Thus we are now eligible for the title Haji and Hajjah but I refused to be acknowledged as such as I did not come here for the titles. I came here to be a complete muslim. I hope I deserved to carry this title for life.

Jeddah was totally different and metropolitan. Our flight was stranded for almost 3 hours. I had fun and enjoyed the airport. I had snacks with Pak Wan, spent some time with Kak Sumaiyah, loved watching the aeroplanes, enjoyed watching other people who only had home in their minds now that the pilgrimage was over. I was looking forward to go home. Syukur Alhamdulillah kerana telah mempermudahkan segala urusan dan perjalanan haji ku sehingga aku mampu menyempurnakan dengan sebaiknya dengan segala kekuatan dan kesabaran yang telah Kau izinkan kepada hamba Mu ini.Even if I never return to this holy place, I am satisfied that I had done my best for Allah. Alhamdulillah. SubhanAllah. MasyaAllah.

Mina

After Arafah, we went to Mina. We started throwing the stones at the three jamrahs which represented the stoning of satan. I had a much better time in Mina. Noor and I went together and we had Pak Wan with us. We went collecting stones. There were very nice people around. While we were busy looking for pebbles, there was a man offering the pebbles to us. Thus, we also returned in kind to somebody else. Kindness begets kindness. We went for walks around Mina. I enjoyed the things that the people brought to sell. There were knives and utensils from Russia. Head shawls from Turkey. Hand-woven shoes from Turkey. All types of knick-knacks were for sale. It was a much relaxing time for us. Our only means of communication was through gestures and calculators to set the price. It was easy and comprehensive. Once we met a gem stone seller from India. He spoke English so we had a chat about his experiences. Interesting.

The only incident was the stampede which resulted in a few hundred pilgrims badly injured and a few deaths. Thankfully none from Malaysia. I was surprised why the big TV near the camp suddenly went off. Noor and I had just returned from the stoning of the jamrah when the incident happened. Otherwise, we would have been caught in the panic. It was sad but it was meant to be.

During the haj we also got news from Malaysia via newspaper articles which were posted on the bulletin board at the hotel lobby. I found out that Abang Din (Tan Sri Noordin Sopiee) passed away in Singapore Hospital due to cancer. He was our half cousin. Kak Yah's husband. Al-fatihah for his soul. He was the Chairman of ISIS. We also found out that there was an extraordinary big flood in Kedah. Alhamdulillah, when we returned, our house was not affected.

I enjoyed Mina. It was not stressful. We didn't go with Tabung Haji's schedule. We did it in our own time, just the two of us. Most of the time I would be in the tent or wandering around the area, as usual on my own.  Actually during the Haj, I was on my own a lot. I liked it and enjoyed the time with myself. Otherwise,  Noor would come to the tent and pick me up and we would go to the jamrah or just took a walkabout around Mina. I did not buy anything as usual but that did not stop me from enjoying myself window or "eye" shopping. We stayed there for the duration of the 3 days before we finally left for Mekah for the final rites of Haj.

Arafah 2005M / 1426H

It's time for wukuf. It's the starting of the Haj ritual. It's actually very near Mekah but due to almost 2.5 million pilgrims moving at almost the same time caused the roads leading to Arafah to be heavy with all kinds of vehicles. There were buses with no roofs and full of pilgrims, I think from Africa. It actually took about half an hour to reach Arafah in normal days but during the Haj it took almost 4 hours. If you were lucky.

I was having a high fever due to the incident with kak Maisah or maybe that was just a reason. Yet, I managed to be alert. We left after breakfast and expected to be there latest by Zohor. We finally reached Arafah almost noon. I was too tired and went to my designated tent. Males and females were in separate tents. We were already given our tent number and mattress number. All I could do was just to lie down for awhile before the prayers started. After Asar, Noor came to look for me to say our prayers together but I was too sick. So, I prayed in the tent and he went on his own. Arafah was near Jabal Rahmah. It was a day when Allah the Most Compassionate and Forgiving opened up the doors of heavens above and forgave every sin that we had ever done as a Muslim. All I did was just prayed and cried over the stupidity of my zillions of sins and hoped that He would show me the way to be a better person on this earth and thereafter.

I prayed when I went to Mekah that I would not meet anybody that I knew so that I would not be distracted. Zaiton was looking for me. Noor met her. She found my tent and my mattress was just next to the entrance yet she did not see me. A miracle wasn't it? Neither did we meet at all during the Haj. Even Norhayati. I was on my own most of the time and it was just time for me and Allah. Nobody else.

Tears fell freely in Arafah. Every single tear washed away the sins we had committed whether we did it knowingly or unknowingly. Repentance was sincere. Remorse was deeply felt. Everybody was in a world of their own. Just for one night, yet it felt like it was the longest night during the Haj. You came out of Arafah cleansed, comforted and loved. You felt accepted by Allah. You felt at peace with yourself. You felt a better person. You felt like a whole new person and aimed to remain as that person. InsyaAllah.