It's so deceiving...

Sunday, 29th July, 2012. 9th Ramadhan 1433H. Well, I went to my mechanic and he advised me not to send the car to someone that I did not know or unsure of the work quality. He recommended a shop and I found that Omayah knew that foreman as she sent her car there too. So, I called her and she made herself free to take me there and we settled the car's problem.

I called that man and he did not pick up the phone. I left a message and he called while we were on our way to my school. How manipulative humans could be in just a day! :-{   Surprisingly, I was not angry and where his tone of voice was more defensive instead of apologetic as was yesterday, I kept my voice level and humbled. I apologized for waking him up as he got home late from work. Now, he queried whether it was I who knocked into his car or he into mine. Excuse me....look at the photos!  :-0  He was getting defensive and raised his voice when he heard that my estimated cost was Rm600. He said his mechanic estimated only Rm400. Fine...I said. He kept berating about it and asked if I had sent my car to the foreman. I said yes and he was more upset. I felt so exhausted. I was not a confrontational person neither was I prepared to listen to him anymore as he kept manipulating details. Omayah listened and asked me to stop the conversation which was going no where and told him I would contact him when everything was settled.

I was prepared to ask only 50% of what was estimated. I considered that maybe I was at fault too for not seeing him reversing his car. Now, I did not feel like asking from him anything if that made him happy. Omayah said he should also pay even a little so that he would feel responsible and learn a lesson. I was so drained of energy emotionally and physically. I hate people to do this to me. I did not do anything to him!!! My old friend called and cheered me up. Thus, I was in a better shape emotionally although physically still tired. I went to class and left that man somewhere in the twilight zone. I will face him when the time comes. If I feel up to it. :-)  

Trials....Punishment...OR Expiation...?????

Saturday, 28th July 2012. 8th Ramadhan 1433H. You always thought it's just going to be another straight forward, normal, no earth shattering weekend. :-{ ....   this weekend was so so tiring and exhausting.

The day started normal enough. I went for my tafakkur ad-din class even though I was so exhausted. I just pushed myself to get up. Sometimes I marvelled at the strength and patience that Allah bestowed upon me. I still felt dizzy and light-headed. Maybe due to the medication. I knew I needed time to heal my body after the minor operation but I just continued to self-abuse my body. Nobody cared anyway. As long as I did not upset anybody's routine, it's just a small sacrifice. Maybe I should just learn to be selfish.

When I returned from class, all I could do was lie down on the sofa. I just felt so lethargic but the class was worth going. I rested for a while and forced myself to get up for Zohor prayers. After that, I started cooking for Ikram and the others. Omayah and I had planned to visit the boys later. By 3:30pm everything was done and I started to leave the house. I wanted to drop by my area's mini market to get some things for Ikram. As I was driving straight ahead towards the mini market, a loud crashing sound was heard. My heart stopped beating! What had I done??????? I stopped the car immediately and a blue Proton Saga stopped reversing mid-way. Oh No!!!!! I did not see him and neither did he. He had crashed into my car. The side part of the second passenger side door. The back bumper had slightly fallen out, the side door was dented and of course, the scratch. I looked at him and apologized. MasyaAllah, what was this now, ya Allah????  Maybe I was so exhausted and was not focusing. Anyway, although I was on the right of way and it was he who crashed into me, I apologized first.

Both of us parked our cars and he was a nice man. He was also apologetic because he did not see me. I was very calm (Allah knows how I could control my composure as I was shaking with fright inside). I was more glad that he was not being rough, defensive or angry. He looked upset but I told him it was okay. He said he worked at the printing shop in one of the shophouses. He's a Malay man, in his forties I think and he looked like a nice man. Well, everybody looks nice to me!!! He asked me where I was going so I told him I wanted to send some food to my son in Changlun. He was very sorry about it. He said he would try to secure the fallen bumper so that I would be quite safe. I told him I had to go and get some things for my son (I was very trusting) and left the car to him. So, he tried to get a steel wire and managed to secure the bumper while I went to the mini market. We exchanged phone numbers and made an appointment for tomorrow at his friend's repair shop. He said the bumper was a total loss and would have to be replaced. He looked very worried. My hands were shaking with the crash. I could just istighfar. I told him we'd see about it tomorrow. I really had to go because I had promised Omayah. I had a tight schedule as I had to be back by 6:30pm to send the food to the shop for breaking fast.

The fallen back bumper - the man was kind enough to secure it with a steel wire

Dented...

View from the back - thankfully it was not the petrol tank area

When I reached Omayah's house, she was shocked and told me that the man was at fault. He had to pay the costs. I told her I'd handle it tomorrow. I was sorry for him. I felt so exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally. Yet, I persevered. Luckily Omayah was driving so I could take a deep breath and tried to gather my strength again. She tried to distract my attention and Alhamdulillah, we enjoyed the drive and meeting the boys. She asked me if I had called Noor and I said not yet. I told her that he would just get angry and blamed everybody and me for being careless or whatever. I was too tired to handle that. Just like the incident when the car's engine went dead at the Seberang Perai busy highway in Penang last year. Syafiq and I got a scolding instead of support. So, Omayah said maybe I should just handle it myself. She told me to make the man pay for the repair. I sympathised with him also. That was why she was insistent that the man had to learn his lesson, too. Oh well....maybe if I could afford it??? Kesian kat dia....

Ya Allah, You gave us trials to test us, to remind us and to expiate our sins and elevate our status on earth. I had been facing one trial after another. Small ones and major ones at the start of Ramadhan. I had to face it most of the time alone. I only had You, ya Allah. I don't know what I had done so wrong in my life to be faced with such trials and tribulations. Yet, in all gentleness and compassion, You gave me strength and patience. There was no anger with any of these trials. Everything happened for a reason. It was fated that this accident would happen today at about 3:40pm. There was only gratefulness and thankfulness. You still wanted me to know that You are always with me. You gave me friends and family when I had nobody close for support and encouragement. You gave me people who love, care and worry about me. From them, I found the strength. I never questioned why. It was meant to happen. I believe maybe I had done something wrong that I needed to be reminded. MasyaAllah. SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah. I accepted and believed that if I turned to You and relied only on You, You would see me through. InsyaAllah.

"If Allah brings you to it, only He can bring you through it."

"Hasbiyallah-hu-laillahaillahu-'alaihi tawakkal tu-wa huwa rabbul 'arsyil 'azim"

Endometrial Hyperplasia

Endometrial hyperplasia or thickened endometrium is a condition, where the lining of the uterus becomes too thick. The thickened endometrial lining leads to abnormal bleeding. This causes increase in the production of the estrogen in the body, irregular menstrual cycle and deficiency of progesterone. The endometrial hyperplasia is a non-cancerous condition, that increases the risk of endometrial carcinoma.

  Endometrial hyperplasia of the uterus, by itself, is not cancerous, but it does require treatment and monitoring to prevent the risk of cancer.

 However, there are times when uterine hyperplasia can get worse, leading to atypical and precancerous cellular changes. This is why any woman with hyperplasia is considered to be at a higher risk for cancer than one without. And even though this sounds scary, especially if you’ve just been diagnosed with a thickened endometrium, you should know that there are many steps between hyperplasia and full-blown uterine cancer — and early identification and intervention for uterine abnormalities is highly successful.

 In cases of hyperplasia without atypia, the general routine is to use prescription-strength progesterone/progestin therapy for three months, then to retest the endometrium. In milder cases this usually works well. Many healthcare providers use Provera for this purpose, but at Women to Women we use Prometrium, a brand of micronized natural progesterone (at high doses) that the body seems to handle effectively when used properly. Compounded bioidentical progesterone can also be used with great success. We prefer this treatment to Provera because we question how well the body is able to break down and clear synthetic compounds.

 Because ongoing follow-up is critical to ensure resolution, be sure to schedule and keep follow-up appointments as recommended by your healthcare provider. Ask questions and seek a second opinion if you feel you aren’t getting answers. And don’t let your fear of the worst keep you from exploring all of your options. You should be confident regarding your short-term and long-term plan and know that you have all the support and information you need.

Excerpt taken from womentowomen.com

Nobody's perfect...

As the saying goes - best friends are those who know you are weird and one of a kind but they accept you and never let you go crazy alone!!! :-D

Post-Flood 2010 - Reflections

It took 10 days for the floods to finally started receding. I could just watch the waters ebbed slowly and told it "dari Allah datangnya kamu, kepada Allah kembalinya kamu bila tiba masanya". It was depressing. We came back to the house when the waters started receding. I'd preferred to be at my house even though there was still water surrounding us.

The best part of the floods was the bond between the neighbours. We kept a look out for each other. We gathered at one of the higher level houses to discuss the cleaning up, the aids coming and due to us, the sick, the mess, the loss of property and whoever was coming to give aid. Since we hardly stayed around much, the others made sure to pass the forms to us and insisted that we also filled in. At first I refused telling Noor that we did not need the aid. Besides, there were others much badly affected than us. Yet, they said "all for one and one for all." It was a collective effort. So, we became officially, a statistic as a flood victim. :-{

The saddest part was the loss of the 2 boys aged 9 and 11 years old to the flood. The back part of this housing area (it comprised 4 housing estates) was the IWK complex. The road was tarred and actually, our residents' morning walk area. It was next to the padi fields and the canals leading to the river. Thus, during the floods, the children liked to gather here and played in the waters. Noor wandered until this area to see the rapid flowing waters. I avoided the waters and getting my feet wet ..:-} So, most of the time I would wait at the high level areas until he had completed the rounds. What I heard was the 4 boys were as usual there playing and accidentally, one of them fell into the waters. The second boy jumped in and tried to help him. This resulted in the third boy jumping in trying to pull out the second one. The fourth boy finally jumped in and managed to pull out the third one. The fast rapid waters sucked them in and all they could do was to get help. We went to see the parents. Our neighbourhood residents held vigil every night for a week. The Chief of Police, Dato' Hishamuddin, Dato' Shahrizat Jalil and a few other ministers came. One of the boy's father was a policeman. The police force sent their frogmen and after 5 days, they managed to locate one body 5km away. It was so bloated that they had to conduct a DNA to determine which were the parents. The other parents were devastated. While we were busy cleaning up our houses, the mother of the unfound boy was there for almost 2 weeks before she gave up and let go. It was very sad for all of us as we all had children and it could happen to any of us. My heart went to her and all I could do was offered prayers that Allah gave her strength and the patience to face this major test in her life. I could not imagine if it was one of my boys. ;-(

The padi fields were covered with the flood.

A day before, one could still see the "batas" sawah.

The fast flowing rapids...leading straight to the river.

The area where the boys fell and drowned - the body was found 5km away.

 What was significant about the post-flood was the help that came from unexpected quarters. The Tzu Chi Foundation came while I was busy washing the crockery that was submerged in the flood. They were represented by senior citizens - 4 of them. Very soft-spoken and gentle mannered. I was the first house they came to being at the end lot where one could park their cars. They told me that they were a voluntary non-profit body although most of them were Buddhists. Their work encompassed all over the world. They wanted to give cash aid. I thanked them politely but I refused the aid justifying that others were more deserving. They did not accept my refusal and instead clarified that my housing area was one the most badly affected in Alor Setar. Thus, I deserved the aid. Noor refused to come out to entertain them. Hence, we sat for a while and since they could speak English, made our communication easier. They gave me RM200 and a bagful of toiletries goodies. I was very touched and humbled. These were not muslims.
So, what did I do with the money? I told Noor to take me to this old couple (they were in their mid and late 70's) and handed over half the money to them as they needed it more than us. The other half I used it for our food money. I was grateful Noor never questioned any of my actions for charity work. :-) (Though I think he just could not understand the whys and so just let me be me  :-} )

The next group to come to our aid was the Anglican Church from Kuala Lumpur. Our house became the store to keep their aid of foodstuff before distribution. They came in a bus load to distribute rice, cooking oil, sugar....a RM200 worth of household needs. I tried to refuse again. They had a name list and so I graciously took it with every intention of giving them to the more needy.  I used my car to help them to send the things to other residents' houses and joined in their distribution. It was the least I could do. Then, while they waited for their bus to return to KL, I became the humble host. I put out some mats for them to sit on the porch, served whatever drinks I had, let them had a free use of the toilets and enjoyed talking to them in English, of course. MasyaAllah. SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah.

The politicians came with some volunteer squad from universities and colleges but it was much later when we had already did the hard work of cleaning up our houses. We were lucky because we did not lose out much on property. Noor liked to buy either solid wood or marble or iron...so, we only lost a mattress which was soaked by the flood, some pillows, clothes that could not really be salvaged, books and mostly unused items in the store room. Our neighbours were much worse off.

It took us almost 2 weeks to finally settled everything. Between the two of us, we managed little by little every day. It was exhausting and we were flat out every night. Allah permudahkan segala-galanya. Dia menduga sikit sahaja. Dia beri banjir hampir dengan cuti sekolah. Saya dapat cuti banjir bermakna 2 minggu akhir saya tidak perlu ke sekolah. Dia beri bantuan daripada sumber yang tidak disangka. Dia beri kesabaran dan kekuatan. Pada hari kami sedang mengemas rumah dan tak larat nak pergi cari makan, datang Omayah dan Sofiah hantar lunch. Malam Omayah hantar dinner. MasyaAllah. Hanya lafaz Alhamdulillah. Dalam kami kepenatan dan rasanya seperti tak boleh bangun keesokannya (terasa dah semakin berusia :-0 ) datang Fariza dan Ein (anak jiran) untuk membantu cuci porch and kemas store. Maka nikmat Allah manakah yang kamu dustakan? Terlalu sedikit dugaan, terlalu banyak dipermudahkan. Malulah kita jika kita tidak menjadi hamba yang bersyukur.

Last year, we were more prepared. The state was more prepared and cleared out the clogged drains and rivers. They said it would be a five to seven year cycle for the big flood. The last time was when we were in Mecca in 2005. Our area was spared. I hope we would be spared for the rest of our lives because honestly I could not take the cleaning up after the floods. InsyaAllah. Aamiiin.

It was a success!!!!

A slice of the steam cream cheese layer cake... :-)

 I found the recipe through the internet. Akmal loves cheese. Ikram adores chocolates. So, to combine these two and trying not to favour one child over the other (in other words -  to be fair), I decided to try this recipe to welcome the month of Ramadhan.

Ikram was home for the weekend. It was perfect because he liked to help out making cakes and cookies. So, we put the recipe on the table. He did the measuring and I did the mixing. We used cream cheese for the cake. We were quite apprehensive because I had never tried anything complicated like layered cake. Usually it was just one type of cake like kurma or prune cake, chocolate moist cake or carrot cake. We followed the steps diligently and faithfully. Ikram being Ikram...made sure that it was as exactly as he could measure it! :-0  He treated it like his science experiments! :-D  The topping or ganache was also courtesy of the internet. It was simple and easy as it only used cooking chocolate and cooking cream.

Thus, we had the above. It was PERFECT! :-0) We put it in the fridge to set after we had put the topping (albeit a little messy - can never get that neat and tidy. Hmmm...needs more practice I suppose). After almost 2 hours, we had a cutting ceremony to see what it looked like. MasyaAllah. SubhanAllah. It was perfect. We were so excited.... Ikram immediately ate it and I just took a bite, as usual. He declared it yummilicious and the cheese was tasty. We were so proud of ourselves.

I send a quarter of the cake to Omayah's house to share a bit of goodwill around for the month of Ramadhan. Besides, she loves cheese cake. She cut it into four to share with her boys. She tried a spoonful. Hmmm...she finished her portion. She said her boys would love this. I was laughing happily because she said it would cost her rm70 just to get a cake like this with pure cheese. I told her I'll give her the recipe but do not forget the dose of "total loving care".

When Noor and Akmal came back, they finished off the rest of the cake!!! I declared it a success because I usually did not like to make something complicated. Plus, I don't like cheese. For the sake of the boys, I gave it a try. It took patience because it had to be steamed layer by layer but it was worth it. I did not actually ate it but by their reviews and comments, I guess I should be proud of myself. :-)
 Alhamdulillah ya Allah, for allowing me to make so many people happy through food.

The Big Flood 2010 - 2

A girl cycling through the flood...still manage to have fun  ;-)

View from the higher level at the entrance of our housing area

As usual, enjoying the flood at the higher level at the entrance of the housing area

The porch of our house - the water rose at about 3:00am to 5:00am before receding to this level during the day time and again between 3:00pm - 5:00pm according to the tides...

The Big Flood ... November 2010

Never in my life had I dreamed that I would be a statistic as a flood victim. Let me recall this memory. It's as if it just happened yesterday. I remembered it was after MUET and PMR. It was approaching Deepavali. Yes, I remembered because Silvan told us the temple at the stadium was flooded. Sometimes, Allah tested you yet with all His compassion and mercy, He simplified it according to your accord. Oh...so many times I wanted to give up yet the strength and patience He gave managed to pull us through.

It started with continuous rain with a steady downpour. You know the kind of rain where there was no thunder or strong winds ... just consistent down pour like grieving. Non-stop, depressing and disheartening. As usual, the flood did not start during the rain. We heard that Thailand had to release their dams due to overflow of water in their dams. This meant the water would flow into Perlis and Kelantan being at the border. We also heard that Kedah was releasing the waters from the Pedu dam. This meant an overflow of water into the local rivers and canals. Our main road was being upgraded. KTM electric railway line was under progress. These added to the clogging of rivers and the padi fields waterways. Thus, in the hot sun, quietly, surely and quickly the water rose suddenly. It always happened in the early morning hours. Since Noor slept late, he noticed water seeping through the cracks at the doors. The kind of rushing in without any invitation. Steadily, continuously.

The next morning we saw that the main road of our neighbourhood was already flooded. We faced this flood every year but up to ankle height and since the last two years it was quite bad but we never had to move out of our houses. I still went to school. By the third day, over the weekend, the water slowly rose. We heard that the housing areas where floods never occurred was already knee deep flooded. Alor Setar town was already flooded. Our house was steadily getting flooded by the fourth day. We had moved our cars to the Petronas petrol station on the main road. Everything that could be put on something higher like bricks or chairs or tables were uplifted. There was nobody home except the two of us thus there was nobody to ask for help. The water came in through the toilets, the drains and the overflowing river near our houses. You can imagine the dirty, murky black coloured waters. It was already up to the knees. We were told to move out due to the interruption of water and electric supply. We were lucky (Allah was very kind to us). We did not have to go to the evacuation centre at SMK Simpang Kuala. Shita (Noor's sister in-law) had just rented a house near Alor Mengkudu and it was empty being prepared for her new nursery branch. I was very grateful since I did not fancy staying with hundreds other families in the school hall.

My neighbour's car at the back part of the house

Looking at the never receding water but steadily rising and refusing to move out..;-(  It's a split level but the higher part was already covered with water

Our house was the end lot next to the "apple" tree - the water was already thigh high

The river on the right had already overflowed onto the main road leading to the housing area

 It was depressing. We heard that Jitra was worse than us in Alor Setar. Alor Setar town was closed for 3 days until the water started to recede to allow cars to pass through. The town was at a standstill. Business closed down and was badly affected since the low lying shops were also flooded including Kamdar. Noor's shop was closed for the three days. I did not go to school for the whole week. We were told by the people who visited us to apply for "cuti banjir" which entitled us for the duration of the flood. When I went to school after 10 days, I found out that Khoo and Sultan were also flood victims. So, we went together to settle our leave.

Thank you for life's little mercies...

Omayah's bed number

When Omayah told me that the hospital had rescheduled her operation to take out the benign cyst again on the 15th July, I was upset because I would not be able to wait for her on that day. I was involved as an examiner for the ULKCP (private candidates English oral for SPM) at SMK Pokok Sena 2. She said it was okay since we had gone through it the last time so she knew what to expect. Besides, Shifa, her niece who was on semester break, would be there. All she asked was that I prayed for her.

On the said day, I went for my English oral exam as an examiner. I smsed her my thoughts and prayers. I wished I was there beside her to give her encouragement and support. Allah Maha Mendengar. The oral today was a breeze. We were supposed to have 24 candidates with 8 candidates for the three sessions each. For the first session, 7 turned up. The second session was only 4 candidates. The 11:30 session was only 5 candidates. My team comprised of Pn. Kok Kam Leng (aka my district chief for MUET), Pn. Chee Guit Leng, Melody Ooi and Yana as the quarantine teacher. These are old friends. Yana was new. So, to kill the time between the second and third session (9:30am - 11:30am) after we had taken our break at the school's canteen, Pn. Kok entertained us with hilarious stories. We shared funny experiences. I had never had a good laugh where you literally cried with laughter. Neither had Pn. Chee laughed so much as she was usually very cool, serious and collected. I had not met up with Pn. Chee since 2 or 3 years ago as she was not called up for MUET. She asked me my age :-)  She was surprised when I mentioned it assuming I was much younger!!!!! She was retiring next year at 58. Melody said maybe because I had only boys. It could be a factor but she thought I was about her age or just slightly older. Oh well...we really made a riot at that school. By 12:15pm, it was over and we called it a day until tomorrow. Hopefully more candidates would turn up as we were only paid RM1 per candidate that we tested! :-{

Thus, after sending Pn. Chee home (she took a ride with me being in the same housing estate) I was already home before 1:00pm. I was waiting for Omayah's message. When she did finally smsed me it was almost 1:30pm. She was finally out of the operating room. I went to the hospital immediately and met Shifa, her niece at her car. I told her I would take over and wait for her aunty. Omayah was glad and relieved to see me. She thought she would be all alone until her discharge and waiting for Shifa. Her sister, Umaza, was in KL. I was glad I was here for her. They wanted to take the lump out to send it to KL for more conclusive tests for any cancer cells. I let her talk for a while and told her to sleep off the anesthetic. I sat on the chair and waited for her and I closed my eyes for a catnap.  :-)  I woke up when an attendant came to ask if Omayah wanted something for tea. Bubur gandum and hot tea. I told her to take something and see whether she could eat. Well, she ate half of it and she did not vomit so the effects of the anesthetic was gone. When the nurse came with the bill and medicine chit, I took care of it for her so that she could be discharged. Do you know that it only cost her RM23 for this minor operation? RM20 for the operation and RM3 for her bed. :-D  I could not believe it and I had to ask twice plus reminding the girl at the counter that she had surgery. She was not a government officer. Allah Maha Mengasihani. Just 2 weeks ago, the cost of her son's minor operation at the private hospital was RM5,800. Although he was insured, it did not cover 100% of the cost. So, I sent her home.

I was very happy with myself. At least I could still be around for her when she had nobody. Surgery, however minor, was a daunting experience. Scary. Being alone with only Allah with you. I was glad she went through it as she did not have to worry about it. Thank you, Allah. For letting me be there with her. Alhamdulillah. 

Silaturrahim...

Keeping in touch is not as easy as one imagines or thinks so. Sometimes, we always say - do keep in touch. Yet, that person leaves and only occasionally or when suddenly out of the blue, someone is thinking of you, does one really try to make the effort to keep in touch. Humans nowadays are too busy to catch up. Unless that person is really special, do we keep in touch as we want the person to be really part of our lives. Even families do not keep in touch. Neither do friends. But, that does not mean that we are out of their minds or thoughts. Its just that they just do not see the reason to keep in touch. Thus, we do keep in touch through meaningful forwards or quotes to remind the other person that we are keeping in touch.  :-)  This is the reality if we are far apart. How about if we are closer here?

We meet up occasionally for lunch or hi-tea or just do some activities together like visiting friends or shopping. Most times it is weddings, deaths, accidents, happy or sad events that causes us to gather. Thus, I told Noor that we should have a gathering and some makan-makan for his siblings here so that at least we do meet up and keep track of his nephews and nieces. Meraikan bulan Syaaban dan menyambut bulan Ramadhan. So, yesterday was a cooking session for me. We had invited Suri and family ( 8 of them including 4 children and her parents in law) and Mohamad (5 of them including 3 children). His niece in Jitra could not make it as she was in Tanjong Karang. She asked Noor to postpone it to Sunday as she would be back. I was sorry but I would be working on that day. :-) He had invited his 4 staff and some friends. I thought he had invited this 17 people which made 20 including the three of us (Akmal was home for his semester break). That night another six turned up. One friend became two and he called up somebody else...Thus I had 26 guests!

Alhamdulillah for Akmal. I started the day with my marketing for wet ingredients with Noor and Akmal as they had to carry the bags. After breakfast which we bought at the market, I started to prepare and cleaned up my ingredients. My menu was nasi tomato with chicken kurma (as there would be children), the sambal udang, beef black pepper and acar timun+nenas. I also decided to prepare the mee kari nyonya but substituting the mee with spaghetti with sambal kerang. Well, I managed to get half the menu prepared. Everything was ready for cooking. After a meal of curry mee, Akmal and I took a break and rested. We continued at about 5pm and set the table and house. As we cooked and did our chores, I had the radio on to Lite fm. We sang familiar songs together, laughed over the songs, and Akmal did a lot of food testing. :-D   We decided buffet style and not "berhidang" since they were coming at staggart hours. By 8:00pm, everything was ready and we waited for the guests.

The guests came and ate all the food! Even the last strand of the spaghetti, the last drop of the kuah and the last bit of rice!!!!! It was just nice. Everybody tried the rice and the mee curry. Its the first time I tried basmathi rice. I still thought it was slightly hard and not enough water. I did not get the hang of cooking it yet. Akmal said it was perfect.Hmmm.... loyalty I suppose. :-)  A friend of Noor's whom I was not familiar with suggested I opened  a stall and sold the mee curry. I just laughed at his suggestion. At least they enjoyed the food. Noor's sister in law commented that without having this kind of gathering, we would have not made the effort to meet up even though we lived not very far from each other. Each of us were busy and just said hai...and bye...  :-{   Even his sister from Kangar commented that although she came to Alor Setar frequently to get her supplies or for some errands, usually she hardly had time to stop by. When Noor's friends and staff had left, they stayed on and we caught up with each other until almost midnight. Having cups of hot earl grey tea ( hmmm...heaven after depriving myself for almost 3 months without sugar  :-D) or for the others hot Tenom coffee courtesy of Akmal from Sabah with grapes, bahulu and biscuits while the kids had ice-cream and chocolates. Somehow, they always felt relaxed and made themselves comfortable here. Thus, they usually took their own sweet time to leave.

I was glad to organise this gathering although I knew that I would be so tired the next day. I did not expect any thanks or appreciation. At least I had done something to forge his family's relationship. Azizi, Suri's husband, suggested another gathering next week before the start of Ramadhan courtesy of my cooking!!! I just laughed at him and said that everybody would be rushing for the solat terawih. Maybe one day during Ramadhan, we would host the berbuka puasa as my tradition. Just so to maintain and preserve the ukhuwah and silaturrahim. Alhamdulillah atas segala kekuatan dan kesabaran. Alhamdulillah kerana adanya Akmal membuatkan persediaan ini begitu menyenangkan dan menggembirakan. Alhamdulillah kerana mencukupkan dan memberkati rezeki kami malam ini. Alhamdulillah kerana mengizinkan kami menjalinkan ukhuwah dan silaturrahim antara kami.

Udang masak merah my way...:-D

Daging black pepper - how Mak used to cook it

Nasi tomato beras basmathi with daun pudina - first time experiment. Nothing left after the dinner :-D

SMA Arabiah Pasir Mas - Reflections

Five years. That was how long I stayed in Kelantan. 1984 until 1988. Leha had moved back to Ipoh after she got married to Zainuri, our senior. Lat had moved back to Penang. Enny had returned to Ipoh, too. There was nobody left but me...:-(  So, what could I remember of my life there?

Initially, it was difficult. I had to adjust to the culture of Kelantan malays. It didn't help that I was in an environment of totally 99% Kelantanese malays!!! Dressing, dialect, food, way of thinking, way of life ... especially food! Finally, I opted to cook my own food especially for dinner. It was very simple for me - as long as I had my bread, vegetables, fruits... slowly over the years I quite enjoyed the food. I learned to eat mee ladna, roti canai with curry and added sugar in it :-D kuzi kambing, nasi mandi, nasi ambang, nasi dagang ... the list would be endless. Let's not forget lompat tikam, kuek akok, kueh made from pulut .... Whenever I visited Nani in Kota Bahru, Ma would cook ayam percik and nasi kerabu since I didn't quite get the hang of eating nasi dagang. She would also cook for me udang galah. Reflecting on their warmth, kindness and generosity - I was always pampered by Ma and Ayah. Nani's father owned a kilang papan (sawmill) business. Yet, I could not accept Abang Yie as an obligation to return their kindness. The gallivanting and many trips to the beaches, waterfalls, Taabah (Thailand border near Tumpat) and the shopping. Nani and her family spoilt me in their own way.

If I followed Yah home to Beris Kubur Besar, Mak and Cek would pamper me in typical kampung Kelantanese style. Simple home cooking style since they were quite elderly. Yah's parents owned a ladang tembakau. Thus, we always ended up at Mek's house (Yah's older sister) or Abang Din's house. I would never forget the kindness they showered upon me. Not only with food but with lots of love, acceptance and  warmth. I always remembered my mother's advice - "pandai-pandai bawa diri. Kita merantau. Jangan sombong." That was my advice to my boys when they left home for school and now, university and college.

Who could forget the introduction to my first formal class? I had to teach upper forms i.e. forms 4 and 5. It was a large school of over a thousand students. I was the form teacher of this form 4 class. When I checked the register, there were two young men who were older than me! I was 22 at that time. They were already 23 years old!!!! They were Sabahans. Imagine I had to teach someone who was older than me! I was definitely embarassed and they were also quite uncomfortable with me being their form teacher. The reason, I found out later, was because they could not be promoted to the next form because they failed their hafalan or SMA (Sijil Menengah Agama). This school had a stringent and extensive exam system - you started with PMR in form 3, SMA in form 4, SPM in form 5, STAM in Lower 6 and finally the STP in Upper 6. It's exams all year round. Besides that you had to pass your hafalan at every form - Surah Yaasin, Surah Kahfi, Surah Al-Mulk...etc. Most of the students were from around Kelantan, south Thailand, Brunei, Sabah and Sarawak. When I first came, English was 0%. They had no trained English teachers. Most of them were uztaz and uztazah who returned after studying in Egypt, Jordan, Iraq, Indonesia or other Middle East countries. The academic teachers were those who taught based on their qualifications. Nobody was from a teaching college. Everybody was pure Kelantanese and under Yayasan Islam Kelantan.By the first year, I managed to increase English to 12%. When I left, there were already 3 other English trained teachers from the Education Ministry.

 My batch was the first batch of teacher trainees sent to all state Agama schools. The Ministry planned to take over their education system. We were sent to Kelantan, Terengganu and Pahang. A few of us got back to be posted to their hometown while some of the guys were sent to Sarawak. Thus, the school had no record or files on us. The state education department was in charge of us and our salary. When I first came, I was the only one. Second year came cikgu Syed, a BM trained teacher, single and slightly older than me. The school tried to match make us to the extent they printed a wedding card! It was a scary joke! He was a nice, quiet guy but I was just not interested! They left me alone when Mudir Nordin (the Principal) said that he had someone in mind. I could only pleaded with them to leave me alone. It did not help that by this time, Nani had got married to Wan and transferred to Kota Bharu. Yah was also getting married and leaving Pasir Mas. They were very nice but I did not think I would survive living in Kelantan. My mind would be so stifled. I would be so oppressed and suffocated. This was when I started to really work hard at getting my transfer out.

Besides school, I was introduced to Golok courtesy of Lat, my house mate. We did not have any passports to cross the border to Thailand legally. So, we followed the local folks via sampan. It was only 3 kok or 30 sen. It was like a 10 minute journey crossing Golok river and reached the back streets of Golok. To get to the town, we had to ride pillion on motorbikes (Honda cup). We sat like how Saloma sat in P. Ramlee's movies. Side saddled. It was only 5 kok or seamar (50 sen). It was actually very scary because we were separated and they took us along backways and alleyways to reach the town. I meant we could just be taken any where!!! Yet, at that time, maybe we were young and adventurous and of course, naive and had faith in people, we just went along for the ride. Well, I went only twice before I started to get afraid for my own safety. It was interesting now that I recalled it. It's not that we bought anything much there as everything could be found at Rantau Panjang.

What could I remember of the students here? They were disciplined and did not cause much problems. The ones from southern Thailand were fighters for Islam. They came here to study with whatever they had - most of the time they did not have much - with the sole purpose of returning to their homeland and fought for the upraising of Islam dominated state. Maybe they were part of the fighters that were killed by the Thailand army in southern Thailand. I would like to think that they had achieved what they wanted to do.  May their souls rest in peace especially as their fight was for fisabillah. I remembered we made a trip to Cameron Highlands. We went by 2 vans. The Brunei students went along. These students' allowance or scholarship from their country was more than our salary! So, they sponsored some of the others' expenses. Kak Hajar had booked a dorm as it was cheaper at Ringlet. She hosted a barbecue for us at her house at Spelling Horse Station. It was an all boys' trip. It was my first time organizing a trip out of Kelantan. 

I had to teach Sejarah Islam during my years there. I qualified to teach because I sat for that paper in my HSC. :-}  as simple as that. I had to teach Form 6 Usuluddin class. They were all very, very good in their hadis and ayat Quran. When there was a reference to an ayat or hadis, they would recite for me. I really studied this subject! I would have gotten an 'A' for this paper if I had to resit. :-)  They challenged me by answering their exam in Jawi. I surprised them by reading their answer scripts in class. :-D It was a disappointment to them as they could not pull their prank on me. Oh yes, even though they were agama students, yet they were just normal kids. They brought a frog and put in nicely in a box as a teachers' day present. I would never forget this incident. I HATE SLIMY CREATURES!!!! The school practised public caning. During my 5 years there, only one case of public caning was carried out. The teachers caught a boy playing truant and ran away from school. He was brought up during assembly and uztaz Mohamad (surprisingly I could recall his name) executed the caning. I hated it. I could still hear the sound of the cane hitting the boy's backside. Three strokes. I refused to acknowledge capital punishment. That boy became one of the best students of the school in later years. I was thankful that there were no more such punishment during my teaching there.

I was the library teacher and set up a maktabah or library with Nani. I was also part of the exam department team. The coach and manager for the girls' volleyball team. The school's environment was not rigid or suffocating. It was just what you would expect of any other government schools. I had fun getting used to the life here. In a way, it helped me to forget my grief and heart aches. It healed me. It taught me humility and respect for the students here. With so little financial resources, they still managed to pursue their dreams. I learned to make do with whatever I had. I learned about respect and being respected. I learned to avoid relationships and hurting other people. I learned being responsible for myself and not be so naive. Yet, most of all I learned humility. I learned to return kindness and love. I learned simplicity as a way of life. I learned to adjust, adapt and adopt. This helped me in getting used to the life in Kedah after I got married. I learned to be grateful for my 5 years there. It helped to shape me into a simple and humble person. Part of what I am now is credited to my five years there. Thank you, ya Allah, that in my fate, you put me there. My life had become richer because of that. Alhamdulillah.

Tiring but satisfying weekend!

It was a nice weekend. Noisy, busy, tiring yet happy.

Last Thursday, 28th of June, was a holiday for me as we had Sports day on Wednesday. So, since Ikram said he could go home that weekend, I decided to go and pick him up. I told Omayah that I would pick up Aiman, her son too. That was the plan. That night I called Ikram and he said his 3 friends would like to come along.That meant 5 passengers. My car is a sedan so that means only 5 including the driver. Thus, I called Omayah and suggested that I took her car instead. Besides, the car was just sitting idle at the car park. She easily agreed. My excuse was so that Aiman would not feel so shy as this would be the first time he was on his own with me alone. Alhamdulillah, dipermudahkan.

So, on the said day, I went to Omayah's office and switched cars. Hers was an MPV - a Nissan Grand Livina. I had never done this in my whole life i.e. borrowed somebody's car. Driving an unfamiliar car although it is also auto. Thus, with my faith in Allah, and Omayah's faith in me, I drove her car to Changlun which was a 40 minutes drive. It was smooth sailing and I liked the car. While waiting for the boys who had a last minute mentor programme, 2 boys passed me by. Suddenly, one of them stopped in his tracks. A handsome, attractive young man looked at me and gave me a happy smile. I returned his smile although puzzled as to who he was. Then, he came nearer and called me teacher. Okay...he was not familiar which meant he was not from my school. He introduced himself. He said I had taught him before when he was in Form 2. I smiled broadly recalling that time when he mentioned the name of his school. That was way back in 2008! I did my practical for one month there for my ICT course. It was only for a month yet he could still remember me. How sweet! :-)  He was only 14 at that time. Now he is 18 years old. He said he could still remember "Phantom of the Opera" their Form 2 literature which I taught. I am honoured and touched that I had left an impact on his young life. Alhamdulillah.When the boys came, he left me. He was also a student and in the same course with Aiman. It left me feeling good with myself. It's always nice to be remembered and appreciated even with just a "hello". :-)

I told Aiman to drive his mother's car so that he would feel like I was taking a lift from him. Surprisingly, along the way to Alor Setar, the boys and I had so much fun. We got to know each other and talked our way to Alor Setar. Even though Aiman and Ikram were not in the same course and had never talked directly to each other, all of us broke the ice and laughed over our conversation. We reached Alor Setar and I handed over Aiman and the car to Omayah in one piece. I took the boys out for tea which was bubur pulut hitam and ABC. Ikram suggested they tried bubur gandum but they refused. Haziq is Ikram's roomate in college while Wan and Zul were SDARIANs, Ikram's former school. They were a friendly lot and got along fine with me. Most of the time I left them on their own. That night, we went to a night market and bought dinner since they wanted to try Kedahan food. Noor was still in Jerantut so the boys felt at home with "aunty". They bought the usual ayam percik, laksam, nasi lemak, yong tau foo...Later at almost 10pm, Ikram asked if he could take the car and went gallivanting. My car???? Ikram on his own driving???? I guess I'll just had to have faith and let him. They went out for supper of char kuey teow. Yes, I was worried until I finally heard the car around midnight.  :-D

They watched the Euro semi final match between Germany and Italy. Noor arrived around 3:00am and Ikram went to pick him up in town. He joined the boys but Ikram's friends were shy so they went to sleep. The next morning, after I went for my morning walk, I started to prepare lunch. It was no point preparing breakfast as they finally went to sleep after Subuh prayers. I prepared rice, masak lemak ayam cili api, udang goreng kunyit, ikan bawal sweet sour and vegetable. The best part was when they sat down to lunch and looked at the dishes, they smiled broadly and exclaimed - "Sedapnya!" I just smiled and watched them eat to their hearts' content. After Jumaat prayers, we went to town and I left them to their own devices while I went off and settled my errands. Dinner was mee hoon with soup tulang. Hmmm...I hope I fed them well. In between meals, they finished off the ice cream (cornetto and magnum), chocolates, cakes, packet drinks and even the apples!!!! That night Ikram took them out again and enjoyed Alor Setar.

Saturday started with me attending my tafakkur ad-din class. I had prepared fried rice or recycled rice for them and pancakes for Noor since I cooked extra masak lemak ayam cili api. When I returned after my class which was almost noon, nobody had got up yet. Oh dear! trust these boys!!!! So, the whole ritual of waking and getting them out of bed. Telling them to start taking their bath was like telling the cat to go swimming!  They pushed each other, rolled deeper into the comforter and generally felt very much at home with me.  :-D  Well, I told them I was going for the wedding at my neighbour's house. When I told them to eat first since everybody was so reluctant to take their bath....immediately they got up!!!! Hmmm...Typical of boys!. By the time I returned from the wedding and after Zohor prayers, we finally got out from the house. It was almost 3:00pm. We dropped by Pizza Hut for hi-tea. I was glad to get the opportunity to welcome and entertain Ikram's friends. I was also glad to note that they felt very much at home and comfortable with me. I always made an effort to get to know their friends. Akmal had Poyo and Afiq who usually came during Ramadhan since they were at UiTM Arau in Perlis. Finally, we left for Matrik college at 4:30pm. Ikram drove, this time more confident, quite fast. I just kept quiet and observed him. When we reached his college - "Today was quite fast, Ma." My reply was - "At 120kph...what do you expect. Try not to do so next time okay? It was a 90km limit." He just grinned and I kissed him goodbye and a good week ahead. I hope the boys had as much fun spending the weekend with me as I had with them. Then, the slow journey home...alone with my own thoughts...at my own speed and pace. Home...until Akmal arrives.  :-)

Iced lemon tea - our refreshing drink for the meal.

Ikram's choice - chicken cheese roll

Zul's choice - King tempura spaghetti

Wan's choice - fettucine with meat ball

Haziq's choice - baked beef meatballs

Touching yet fulfilling (taken from i'm muslim and i'm proud facebook)

This story humbled me as a teacher and educator. I hope that in my 28 years of teaching I had somehow or rather gave hope, believed in and had faith in the thousands of students that passed through my teaching and became someone worthy not only to himself, but to his parents and society. This is especially for those in the last classes where most teachers just gave up on them.  

A TOUCHING STORY

Ahmed was 11 years old when his mother (a single mom) dropped him off for his first Qirat lesson. I prefer that students (especially boys!) begin at an earlier age, which I explained to
Ahmed. But Ahmed said that it had always been his mother's dream to hear him recite the Quran. So I took him as a student. Well, Ahmed began with his Qirat lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor. As much as he tried, he lacked the sense of reading and failed to recognize the alphabets.

 But he dutifully read the Quran that I require all my students to learn. Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him. At the end of each weekly lesson he'd always say, "My mom's going to hear me recite someday." But it seemed hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability. I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Ahmed off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled but never stopped in.

Then one day Ahmed stopped coming to our lessons. I thought about calling him but assumed, because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming. He was a bad advertisement for my teaching! Several weeks later I mailed to the student's homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. To my surprise Ahmed (who received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify. He said that his mom had been sick and unable to take him to Qirat lessons but he was still practicing. "Miss ... I've just got to recite!" he insisted. I don't know what led me to allow him to participate in the recital. Maybe it was his persistence or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would be all right.

The night for the recital came. The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends and relatives. I put Ahmed up last in the program before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my "curtain" Well, the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing and it showed. Then Ahmed came up on stage. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he'd run an eggbeater through it. "Why didn't he dress up like the other students?" I thought. "Why didn't his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?" He began. I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Surah- Al Kahf. I was not prepared for what I heard next. His voice was light and soft. His recitals were perfect! Never had I heard a recital so well by a person his age. After six and a half minutes he ended .

Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Ahmed in joy. "I've never heard like that Ahmed! How'd you do it?" Through the microphone Ahmed explained: "Well Shaykh...remember I told you my mom was sick? Well, actually she had cancer and passed away this morning. And well....she was born deaf so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special." There wasn't a dry eye in the house that evening. As the people from Social Services led Ahmed from the stage to be placed into foster care, I noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy and I thought to myself how much richer my life had been for taking Ahmed as my pupil. ... He was the teacher and I was the pupil. For it is he that taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a chance in someone and you don't know why.

Just another hard day at work ... :-D

Aww...just another day at the computer when the server is as slow as a slow loris..:-{ ..

Oh well...what the heck! Let's just have a shut eye...the calls can wait.

Oh great!!!! What have I done NOW!!!! Don't say I have eliminate people again!!! NOT AGAIN!!! :-{

I choose to be what I want to be.

Sometimes, life can be cruel. Yet, in its cruelty, I find there is always kindness if you only take a deep look at yourself. Life is never fair, they say, yet .... if you ponder over it long enough, you will realize how fair life actually is. So, after solat in the middle of the night, all you can do is just take a deep breath and through the fast flowing tears, all you can do is have faith and believe that it is for the best. Thus, you can face tomorrow with a smile and believe that everything will work out by itself. Don't bear grudges, have no regrets and look at life positively. It is up to you. I CHOOSE TO LIVE MY LIFE AND IT IS UP TO ME HOW I WANT TO LIVE. Just leave it to Allah, the Most compassionate and merciful.