What Merdeka means ...

31 August .... It's Merdeka day today. A flag flew proudly on my car windscreen. I usually attach one every year for the month of August just to show my pride and patriotism. What does Merdeka mean? I guess it is cliche if I say it means that we are out of colonisation (are we?) and to show love for our country, once peaceful and really, honestly and simply 1Malaysia. Not as it is now where we are so divided in race and religion. Everything is so sensitive and politically correct. Just toe out of line an inch and a hullabaloo is created through all mediums of the media available.

Does speaking English at home made me less of a Malay? Does having other races as your best friend made you less loyal to your own race? Does not being brought up in a traditional Malay culture made me less a Malay too? Does going to a missionary school and being exposed to Christianity made me less a Muslim?  Where do I belong? Where does my family belong? Being so Westernised but oh, so Malaysian. Where the language is so English but the expression so Malay. Wearing skirts, jeans and T-shirts but still reflecting the demure Malay culture. How would you define being Malay and Malaysian? Being of mixed parentage made me realised more of our culture where two cultures are infused into one. Having the best of both worlds, I appreciate being a Malaysian more than being a Malay. It does not matter what language we speak, what food we eat, what attire we wear, what culture we follow .... it does not make anybody any less or any more a Malaysian. We are proud to be one. We are honoured to be one. And we treasure the peaceful existence of such diverse culture, races, languages, food and religion.How can you define Malaysian since most of us are of mixed parentage either local races or foreign races?

When the boys were about 2 or 3 years old and all through their primary school years, we exposed them to the meaning of Merdeka to instill in them the love for this country called Malaysia. We attended every Merdeka night celebration every year and waited for the fireworks until they left for boarding schools. We shouted "Merdeka" along with the thousands who converged to the site near Masjid Zahir every year. I made sure I flew a flag on my windscreen. We learnt and sang the Merdeka song together and our favourite is and was "Kerana Mu". The new song "1Malaysia" is also very catchy even though some quarters call it a Christianity hymn. To me, it is just a song. It does not affect my faith and belief. It is just a song to show love and patriotism for one country. I guess being exposed to hymns and gospel songs all through my school years especially in my primary school made me immune to its genre.

Thus, I guess Merdeka means a liberation of the mind. Acceptance. Tolerance. Respect. Give and take. Peaceful co-existence of our diverse races, cultures and religions. We may have differing opinions but that does not make us less a Malaysian. We may argue but that does not mean it is going to spark a racial war. We may be diversified but that does not mean we cannot unite.

Last year I was in KL for Merdeka. Do you know what my sister and I did? Since we had no intention of joining the thousands at Dataran Merdeka nor brave the traffic and crowd, we sat in front of the TV early in the morning. We watched the parade, sang the songs and listened to the speeches and waved at the TV when the Agung left the site. We looked at each other, grinned happily and felt satisfied that we had done out duty as a Malaysian. Does that make us any less a Malaysian???? It does not mean that we have to be there physically. We are there with the thousands that thronged  Dataran Merdeka in spirit.

Happy 56th Merdeka Day!!! My wish this Merdeka - peace, acceptance of each other and less sensitivity on each other's differences. Allah bless the country and us. Aamiiin.

In his element ....

Since Akmal was posted at Underwater World Langkawi, he had to be in charge of feeding the otters for the first month he was there. After  two weeks he managed to train them to ask for food. They were given names by the staff of UWL. The leader was Atan. Then there was Teja ...plus four pups. Akmal had always loved animals. He was in his element when he was with animals. The first time my friend, Aunty Furziah, gave him a kitten, he carried it everywhere in his pocket. We called him Mr. Grey. He did not live long due to an infection and a visit to the vet could not save him. Due to the bond between them, Mr. Grey waited for him till he came back from school and died in his arms. Over their growing up years we had a few more cats, rabbits, fishes...even a tortoise they found along the road and brought home.

Atan, the otter, taking his food from Akmal

After that it was his turn with the penguins. The South African penguins. He made sure that they ate all their food ration. The penguins refused to eat unless he fed them personally. It was entertaining to listen to him regaled about his internship with these creatures. Being an obliging young man, restless and hyperactive if he had nothing to do, he always volunteered to help out with cleaning the aquarium and whatever chores around the place. No wonder his lecturer in UMS retained him as his Research Assistant.

Another month to go for his internship. UWL offered him a job with them but I advised him against it as I would prefer him to do his masters first. He enjoyed his stint at UWL and I hope wherever he goes, he would always be doing something that he loved and enjoyed. He would be going back to UMS as an RA and starting his masters in February. It's his life and although I wish him to be nearer, I accept that he is happy and in his element there. My blessings and prayers are with him ....

Biskut Nestum ... ;-)

4th Raya. With nothing much to do and not expecting any more guests, I was looking up old recipes and found this from the collection of Kak Ti's recipe. Remember the original chocolate moist cake? This recipe must be almost 20 years old. She sent it to me when I first wanted to bake for my sons along with the all time favourite Chocolate Nut Chip cookies which an old friend got to taste. As Akmal once said - once bitten, forever hooked. The boys will always insist on this chocolate nut chip cookie to take back with them to their college or school. So, this time I wanted to try this old recipe and since it also has nuts in them, I am sure they will like it. Ikram got the first freshly baked batch and declared it with a thumbs up. One batch made 100 pieces of cookies. He said he could finish this in one seating so he asked to make another double batches. Hmmm....the cookie is not crunchy as the chocolate nut chip. Maybe it is the nestum that makes it soft. Crunchy on the sides and slightly softer on the inside. You can taste the nestum and nuts. Reminds one of baby food ... ;-}

Freshly baked nestum cookies - hot from the oven

Nicely packed and sealed - gift for friends ... ;-) something nice is double nicer when shared

The recipe is as follows - very simple but as usual it is manually made and although one can use a cookie cutter I prefer to shape it manually so that each piece is done with a lot of total loving care (TLC). :-) 

3/4 cawan tepung gandum
1/2 cawan tepung jagung
1/4 camca teh baking powder (ayak ketiga-tiga bahan ini)
1/2 cawan margarine or butter
6 camca besar gula halus
1 cawan nestum (original/plain)
1/2 cawan dessicated coconut (kelapa kering)
1/4 cawan kacang tanah (goreng dan tumbuk kasar)
1/4 camca teh garam halus
1 biji telur
1 camca teh vanilla essence

Cara membuatnya :- Ramas gaul margarine dan tepung hingga rata. Masukkan semua bahan dan gaul rata. Akhir sekali masukkan telur dan jadikan dough. Canaikan dan terap dengan bentuk cookie yang disukai. Bakar selama 10 - 15 minit bergantung kepada ketebalan cookie.

Tomorrow I will make their favourite chocolate nut chip cookies. Hopefully we can deliver them to Akmal in Langkawi. Maybe I will go and pay him a Raya visit.  ... well, there is an old saying - "if the mountain will not come to Mohamed, then Mohamed will come to the mountain" ... :-) 

8th Year - Always in our hearts ... ;-(

Being caught up with our lives is no excuse to forget the anniversary of her passing. Ain posted in her facebook to remind us as we were so caught up with our work, chores, tasks and families .... she missed her grandmother and today, the 3rd of August, was the anniversary of Mak's death. Ain and Amira lived with her since they were babies. Kak Ti left them with her in Malacca as she had nobody in KL to help her. Ain went back to her mother in Standard 3 which meant she lived with Nenek for 8 years except for holidays. Amira was the most pampered grandchild. Infact, when Mak went off for her haj, Amira was sent to Cameron Highlands to be with Kak Haj so that she would be busy with the vegetable farm. Amira carried with her Mak's clothes and her photo. When Kak Ti moved to Rompin as Abang Md. Noor was transferred there, she went there for her schooling. Kak Ti was upset that her phone bill shot up to almost RM200 a month that she forbade Amira to call Nenek so often. In fact, Amira called Nenek to tell her everything. That was how close these two grand daughters were.

We could only offer prayers for her and Bapak. They never did left us. They lived in our hearts and through the little things that reminded us of them. Mak loved shopping. She loved to buy things just for the sake of buying and in her generosity, would always give away the old ones to others. If nobody wanted it, she would put it out nicely for the garbage men to take it offering it to them. Sofas, refrigerators, TV, carpets, ....During Hari Raya, she would prepare  cookie hampers and "duit raya" for the garbage men. She would wait patiently for them to come to collect the garbage and asked them how many people were with them. Then, she would give out her hampers and "duit raya" much to the surprise and pleasure of those workers. Her generosity was inherited by most of us. When Hamid was hospitalised and he was moved into the ordinary ward from the ICU, his generosity knew no bounds either. When Wah and I visited him at the hospital, he reminded us to bring some goodies for the patient of a certain bed as that man had no visitors. He asked us to give him some money so that that patient could get what he needed. Since he was a long term patient, he would get to know all the patients in his ward and read all their files and cases. Thus, when we went to visit him, he would regale the histories of every patient in the ward. He should just be the doctor !!!! So, we would comply with his wishes and brought goodies the next day for whomever that he wanted to give them to. This trait I passed on to my sons. Such was the impact Mak had instilled upon us. She never told us to be generous but we observed, we saw, we witnessed and we just followed her example ....

Another incident that struck me was when the boys questioned her race. When they were younger and in primary school, they just accepted her as Nenek. As they grew older, they questioned her fairness, her style of dressing which was always her kebaya nyonya and batik sarong ....  and insisted that she was a Malay like all their friends' grandmothers. I told them that she was a Singaporean Chinese and in other words, a Nyonya. As they grew older, whenever they helped out at their father's shop, customers would approach them and speak to them in Chinese. When they went to boarding school, they were Malays who were fair but with Chinese eyes. It did not help that their father had Indian blood in him. Thus, the boys are truly Malaysians - Malay+Chinese+Indian. I refused to acknowledge that my mother was Chinese when I was in school so that I could "belong" to the Malays. I was not Chinese enough to be one with the Chinese. It was like halfway through and over the years all of us had identity crisis. It was until we were older that we realised how different we were and accepted it. In fact, proud of it. Now, as they approached their twenties, they realised that being different was an attraction to the opposite sex! :-)) Of course, it was a bonus! Well, I had gone through new staff asking me if I was a convert. The more daring would ask if I was of mixed blood. Students who referred to me as "the Chinese teacher who converted to Islam" ...;-}  When I got married, the kampung people were wondering if Noor had married a Chinese .... 

Sometimes, I wished she was still around to guide me. To advise me. To tell me old stories about her life and the past. To teach me how to cook well. To help me with raising the boys. .... I miss her and she lives in my heart then, now and forever. . . . . . .

Mak with Akmal, at one month old ... ;-) (1991)