A Life Well Lived ...

This is taken from an article in the Sunday Star newspaper dated 22 September 2013 by Soo Ewe Jin :-

"....... At the end of the day, or at the end of life as it were, it all still boils down to one thing - our relationship with people. 

A much forwarded e-mail reminds us that when we stand before God, he will not ask us what make of car we drive, but if that car had been used to pick up someone in need. He will not ask about our titles, achievements or financial net worth, but how many lives we have touched."

In the course of my teaching career, how many lives have I touched and made a difference in their lives? I had taught at a religious school where students were from diverse background.  Have I touched any of their lives and made a difference? Most of them believed in their reason for studying - for the upholding of their faith, religion and belief. I had never once heard that the reason they came here to study from their country was to make it rich, make a name for themselves, for the betterment of their families .... they came in the name of jihad. Simple, single-minded students who knew what they were looking for and fighting for in their lives. I hoped somehow I had made a difference.

Then, I was in a premier, very privileged school where we the simple teachers rubbed shoulders with ministers' wives, titled parents and high profile professionals. Students who were so privileged that they thought their teachers were so underprivileged .... Students where you had to have the upper hand to earn and gain their respect. They challenged you intellectually, socially, politically and always reminding you the status quo. Somehow, I hoped I had made a difference in their lives not by teaching but by showing that in humility there was respect. In simplicity there was style. In all imperfections there were perfections. In diversity there was unity. In being different, there was acceptance. The more you learn humility in life and respect of others especially those beneath you, the more you are valued, thought of and respected. So much to gain for so little effort. I hoped somehow I had made a difference.

Now, I am posted to a school where we had under privileged students. Students where dysfunctional families are the norm. Almost half of the enrolment come from broken homes. Students who screamed and yelled for attention. Where their behaviour is rough and crude. Rudeness is part of their survival. Being polite is unheard of. Respect is a joke. Where you have two glaring divides - where students who are good are really good and the other half are the misfits that we try to shape and mould into the best that they can be. Here, I think is where I have touched so many lives by using this principle - "I don't care what others do in their class ... but in my class, you follow my rules. I respect you as my students and you will respect me as your teacher. You will not do what I tell you to do but what I do. If I go out of line, then tell me. Reprimand me. As that is what I will do unto you."  And this simple rule of accepting their way of lives can be changed through patience, tenacity, strength and not giving up. I know I have made a lot of difference especially when they come back for a visit or we bump into each other or they look up me up solely to see me. I knew I had made a difference.

All of us have touched so many lives in the course of our working lives, studying lives and being neighbours or friends or strangers. It's a life well spent and well lived. Thus, when one stands before God, one can put up his/her head up high, smile and say - "I have made a difference."

To lose a child ... ;-((

Kak Elly was the eldest daughter of a close friend, Lartipah. A colleague, staff and over the years, a close friend where we would share problems of children, staff and work. A very simple, down to earth lady. She has 5 children - 4 girls and a boy. Kak Elly, the eldest, passed away at the age of 31.

Kak Elly was diagnosed with diabetes since she was 9 years old. She was insulin diabetic in her teens. Her eyesight was slowly affected and over the years partially blind. She had reached the stage where when the sugar level was uncontrollable, she would go berserk and lose control of her mind and her senses. She needed full time care. Full time supervision. Medical treatment and hospitalisation. Sometimes when Lartipah came to school, she looked worn-out and drained of energy. Yet, she could still smile and she was ..ohh... so accepting and patient. Sometimes, when she needed a sounding board, she would come to my room. If there was nobody else, she would let her heart out. Her frustrations. Her disappointments. Her hopes. Her worries.... I listened. I gave my opinion. I scolded her if necessary for being too worried of her children. Most of all, I just listened because she trusted me enough not to spread her stories around. I am honoured.

Kak Elly was in a coma earlier this year and was in ICU for a couple of weeks in ICU. She managed to come out of it but I guess that started the deterioration of her health. Husband and wife took turns to take care of her. The hospital was a second home for all of them since she was in and out so often since young. Sometimes Lartipah lamented that Kak Elly had started to hate hospitals. She was usually put up in the children's ward for supervision and actually, less depressing as there many other children to entertain her.

Lartipah was a motivated, religious person. She turned to her faith for strength and patience. I respected her for that. At least she has strong support from her husband and children. The others are already working and the youngest. the only son, will soon further his studies in November. What Allah tested with one child, He gave other virtues to the rest of the children. Kak Ngah is a teacher, married with a child. Kak Chik is an engineer with Petronas. Kak Su is a journalist with Bernama. And the youngest is still studying. Sometimes, I think she worries too much. Maybe after years of worrying, she just cannot get rid of this habit. I become her sounding board and I "sounded" her off. She is stressed out most of the time due to unnecessary worrying.

Lartipah was in school when she got a phone call from her husband that Kak Elly was not well. She rushed home to find that Kak Elly had passed away in her father's arms. Her husband had opted for early retirement to take care of Kak Elly and his mother. Even though Lartipah had also applied to opt out and was approved, she deferred it and her husband instead, made the option. I got the call from another staff about Kak Elly's passing. By the time I was free to pay my respects to Kak Elly, it was almost 2:00pm. I was involved with the oral SPM coordination at another school. We talked for a while as there were fewer visitors.

Lartipah told me about Kak Elly's last birthday - during the fasting month. She wanted to give everybody a grand treat with her own money. She called up her aunties, uncles, cousins and relatives and had a grand birthday party. She bought something for everybody and they had a happy, gala time. Nobody realised that it would be the last. Lartipah put up Kak Elly's bed in her room after the coma so that they could monitor her easily. Lartipah was very calm and collected. I guess her calm demeanour hid the grief and pain of the loss. I would not say it was sudden as they had gone through so much all these years of looking after her. She always managed to pull through and came home. This time, Allah, wanted her to be with Him.

Lartipah came back to school a week later. I just looked at her and did not ask the prerequisite questions as I would just get the cliche, robotic answers. She will talk about it when the time and place are right. For now, I shall just respect her silence.

Yet, I can feel her pain. I cannot imagine losing a child. I honestly do not know how I would react in this situation. Although she had the privilege that Allah had given her many years to take care of Kak Elly. I could not imagine what a mother had to go through if it was caused by an accident or hideous incidents. When I read about children whose death was so unacceptable and inhumane, I could just cry and feel for those mothers. All I can do is say a prayer so that they will have the strength and patience to face it.

For Lartipah, Kak Su, her 4th daughter had resigned and returned to Alor Setar to take care of her mother. Just to be there. She will continue to further her studies part-time. Since Lartipah suffered a minor stroke, her health is also not in stable condition. When she told me about Kak Su's decision, I just looked at her and told her I understood and I knew the reasons why.

For Kak Elly, may your soul rest in peace. As your mother said - you were a good child, You never complained nor demanded for anything. Your mother is in very good hands. Most of all, she has Allah.
Al-fatihah.

It's not the song but the memories attached to it ...

"... layan lagu Hujan dendangan Allahyarham Sudirman di hari yg hujan di bumi Langkawi..."  -  this was taken from Akmal's post on his facebook. Hmmm... kind of feeling nostalgic ...

It has been raining steadily since we got home from Shah Alam after registering Ikram at Uitm. Not the thunder and lightning kind of rain but just pouring rain with strong winds but not lashing ones. Just like when you cried and your tears just rolled down without stopping. It drizzled off, stopped for a while as if it was kind of tired, and started pouring its content from the skies again. ;-{{  Yet, life goes on. 

Akmal loves oldies. He used to describe himself as .."usia muda tapi jiwa tua..". Besides, when he was at SDAR, every batch had its own batch song. His batch was named "Warisan 0408" after the song "Warisan" by the late Sudirman. They were fiercely attached to this song and tried to live up to its lyrics. They acknowledged themselves as "Warisan" batch. Ikram, on the other hand, was the "Gemilang 0711" batch after the song "Gemilang" by Ella. The numbers reflected their years in that school i.e. from Form 1 to Form 5. I guess I was partly to be blamed because I loved Sudirman's song. They were part of me during the years in Kelantan. When I was there, the late Sudirman was divorced from his wife whom he loved dearly. That was in the 80's. All his songs after that reflected his broken heart. It was just the therapy I needed. 

The most loved song was "Terasing" as the lyrics reflected what I was going through at that time of my life. Then, it was "Merisik Khabar". "Hujan" as stated by Akmal was a song of a meeting and a song of parting. Enjoy the videos below by one of the most talented and respected singers of our time i.e through the 80's and early 90's 

Erti Merdeka pada Islam ...

Daripada kelas tafaqquh ad-din, Kolej Insaniah, Alor Setar. Kelas Hadis 40 oleh Mufti Negeri Kedah.
(Sabtu, 7 SEPT 2013)

Beliau menghuraikan makna merdeka daripada pandangan Islam menurut Imam Al-Ghazali ;-

Jika tidak terlepas keempat-empat bentuk penjajahan ini, tidak merdeka lagi diri kita.

1. Penjajahan daripada kejahilan ilmu agama. Rasulullah saw sendiri pernah menyarankan supaya mencari ilmu hingga ke negeri China. Mencari ilmu agama itu hukumnya wajib samada dengan izin atau tanpa izin suami bagi wanita yang telah berkahwin.

2. Penjajahan daripada dosa. Sesungguhnya ikatan dosa itu akan menghalang seseorang itu daripada segera berbuat kebajikan. Ianya menghalang daripada segera taat kepada Allah.

3. Penjajahan nafsu dalam diri kita iaitu nafsu yang jahat dan tidak pernah puas dengan dunia. Sentiasa berkeinginan untuk berbuat kejahatan dan kemaksiatan daripada segi pertuturan, perlakuan atau hati.

4. Penjajahan keduniaan dalam mencari kemewahan hingga tidak ada masa untuk mencari ilmu supaya menjadi hamba Allah yang lebih baik.

Adakah kita sudah terlepas keempat-empat penjajahan ini? Jika tidak, bagaimanakah kita boleh katakan kita sudah merdeka????

Bapak's Birthday ...

How could I forget his birthday when it was etched in my memory forever? 2nd September was his birth date. I was busy registering Ikram on that day and travelling for two straight days was a toll on my back. Today, I was thinking of something when suddenly it struck me that I'd missed Bapak's birthday. Hmmm.... ;-{  

Bapak was a man who was very committed to his family. He was a such a gentleman and very responsible. Maybe due to his upbringing and being English educated, he was not like a typical, stereotypical Malay man. He took care of Mak and everything in the running of the house. He did the marketing every morning. He made sure there were helpers aka maids to help her did the chores around the house. We usually had two helpers - one to handle the tons of clothes and the other to clean the house. He made the house as comfortable as possible. He extended the house until it was large enough for all of us and more. He was a man of few words but he was generous in his actions. He showed his love through his thoughtfulness, caring, fulfilling our wants when he could afford it, respecting your privacy and space. Although very authoritarian and conservative, he could be reasonable when necessary. I brought back a pair of rabbits courtesy of Fauziah's father. I did not have his permission to keep them. He just kept quiet while Mak fed the rabbits with some vegetables. The next day when I got home from school he had already fenced up a part of the area at the back of the house for the rabbits pleasure. A few weeks later, he had built a small hatch for the rabbits. He was a draughtsman. For that gesture, I would always love him. He entertained Mak's love for cats. We had fishes. Birds. Mak's gentle nature loved animals. He even gave extra pocket money for the rabbits "kangkong".

Bapak never scolded the many of us. Neither did he ever yelled or shouted. He seldom showed his temper but when he did, which was very rare because someone had displeased him, he would just cut ties with that person and his family. He bore grudges but at the same time, he valued friendships and relationships. Mak always reminded us not to follow Bapak's temper. I was always afraid of people's anger. A slight raise of voice from my husband and I would think that he was scolding me. That would upset me very much as my own father never scolded me. Neither did Mak. That put him in a difficult situation if he was angry with me. Now he learned to just keep his peace and counsel.  :-{  I guess I expected to be treated like Bapak treated us ..... hmmm ....

I had a love-hate relationship with my father. I guess all teenagers do. Growing up in a very protective environment and being the daughter most closest to him, I sometimes rebelled whenever I could not get what I wanted. For example furthering my studies to Form Six. Applying for Mass Communications to ITM. He could not foresee his children being out of the norm. To him it is acceptable to be a teacher, lawyer, banker, secretary, .... I love reading and writing and the freedom of life a journalist entails. No, he inculcated the giving back to society conscience in us. When I received the offer to teaching college, he quietly reminded me that since we were good in English, it would be our obligation to do something for the other Malays. Thus, I went with his blessings and Mak.

I could always talk to him about things. I could always express my opinion even though I knew he would not even consider it. I could always make suggestions. Where the other children dared not approach him for anything, I would be the spokesperson. As if he would listen to me!!!  Bapak had a mind of his own. Black was black and white was white. Yet, on the other hand, he could be the most obliging father in the world. He would spend money for Hari Raya shopping making sure everybody had new clothes and shoes. He would not care about budget when it came to food.

Hence, when I went off to college and left home for the first time in my life, the first thing I did was to write him a letter complaining about my life there. He was a regular letter-writer. It was impolite and rude to him if he ignored any letters. He wrote to all his children whether they were studying locally or abroad. The first ever letter he wrote to me was written by Hafsah, who acted as his secretary since I was no longer at home. I still kept the letter. He only wrote twice before he had the final stroke. I also kept the telegram that told me to go home. I had burnt most of the old letters from friends and other meaningful people in my life but I just could not do it to his letters. Whenever I felt so down and upset with this world which always tried the little patience I had, I would open my special personal diary and read his letters for comfort, love and encouragement. Mak always said I was like him. I was an impatient person with a temper like his. Thus I learned to control my temper and taught myself to be tolerant of others. We did not suffer fools easily. I guessed I had mellowed a lot over the years.

People said that a father is always the daughter's first love. He was everything to me and I guess he had all the qualities and characteristics of a man should have in our young, impressionable opinion. He gave his all to us and loved us with all his heart as shown through his words and actions. He pampered and spoiled Mak. He respected her and gave her whatever she wanted or could afford. He pampered us but never spoiled us. Who we are now was what he had instilled unto us and we passed on to our children. We can always talk to the dead as they are always in our hearts. .....  :-))  Happy Birthday Pak ... in memory ....                     

I left my best friend ....

Today we registered Ikram at Uitm Shah Alam. This is his transit campus. His permanent campus will be in Jasin, Melaka. It is still in the finishing stages and should be ready by December 2013. The new Mathematics and Computer campus will be fully operational by January 2014 which means that he will be moving to this new campus for his second semester. He is offered to do Multimedia Computing for 3 years.

Ikram is my youngest son. He is 19 years old this year. Tall, slightly darker than his brothers and handsome. He is a little aloof, serious and quiet which is quite unpredictable since he keeps things inside him. He is rebellious in his own quiet way. (Aren't all SDARians like that - his eldest brother, a SDARian, is also like that. I always call him "a rebel without a cause") He talks about things to me. Even though he can be quite an aloof guy, he does have his quirky sense of humour. He laughs a lot and pull pranks too. But beware - once he speaks his mind, he does not mince his words - which is very rare. He has his share of creating trouble while in school yet he also hangs on the principle of "berani kerana benar". Just like his eldest brother. Maybe I should blame myself for this. Or is it most silat guys hold on to this principle???

Ikram, all smartly dressed in the required white shirt, checking himself before proceeding for registration.

Uitm Shah Alam holds sweet memories for me. Nooraini and Fauziah, two of my closest friends from school, studied here back in early 80's. I went to teaching college in Johor Bahru. So, during one of the holidays, back in 1982, since I had the photos, I went to visit them and spent a couple of nights here at Fauziah's dorm. If I was not mistaken it was Seroja. Hmmm..how quaint that I could still recall it. One of her dorm mates had gone home so she used her friend's student tag for me. I also got to meet up with a foster sister Suriyana, another mixed parentage like me. This incident would never be forgotten because it uplifted my worth as a young lady. :-))  We were standing near the balcony of one of the corridors of her school building. Some guys were walking along the road leading to another school. One of the guys carried a aguitar with him. They called out and I just smiled and waved at them. The guy with the guitar stopped right there and then and serenaded a song while playing his guitar. I could not recall the song but I was honoured and gave him an applause. When Suri came along, she dismissed them and told them not to disturb me. It was so sweet. That was the first and last time I went to Uitm and now my son is here, albeit for a semester.

I guess of the three boys, Ikram, is the closest in terms he is not only my son but he is also my friend, my confidante, my driver, my partner in trying out new restaurants or stalls, my companion for shopping sprees, my assistant in baking cakes and cookies .... he may not be a daughter, but he is more than one. His father does not know how to handle him. He is frustrated and disappointed that Ikram will not join him by helping at the store. Ikram will refuse to be pushed or coerced into doing something he does not like. Usually, I will have to be the peace maker between them before their relationship becomes tense. Ikram is the type of child who needs reasoning. Since he is young, you have to tell him the facts of the whys. His questions demand answers. Maybe that is why even his teachers leave him alone. And that is also why I am glad when they get into boarding schools. I left him at SDAR (Sekolah Dato' Abdul Razak) in Seremban for 5 years and a year at Kolej Matrik Kedah in Changlun. Allah was kind enough to let me had him near for 2 years after SPM. Three months of PLKN at UUM, Sintok and a year at KMK Changlun. At least I had the privilege of visiting every fortnight and he could come home much often. Thank you, Allah, I am blessed and grateful for little things.

I will miss him but he calls often. If he is bored, he will sms and tells me what he is up to. He will listen patiently to his mother's ramblings. He will wisely advise me. He will wait for me and walk beside me making sure I will not falter and fall. I pray he will be in Allah's safekeeping. My daily prayers for my sons no matter where they are - "lindungi dan peliharailah anak-anak ku. Permudahkan hari ini untuk mereka. Murahkan rezeki mereka sepanjang hari ini. Izinkan mereka sentiasa dikasihani oleh hamba-hambaMu yang lain. Izinkan kelapangan ruang dan waktu untuk menunaikan solat mereka seawal waktu dan izinkan mereka ditemukan dengan teman-teman yang membawa mereka kepada Mu." Aamiiin. 

Thus, I leave my best friend, whom I trust and love with all my heart and soul, at Uitm Shah Alam.