Message In A Bottle - Nicholas Sparks

”This is not a good-bye, my darling, this is a thank-you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.”  

Garret wrote as a means of letting out his feelings of loss of his wife, Catherine. When the grief overwhelmed him and threatened to choke him, he wrote out his feelings, rolled it nicely and put it into a bottle. He then threw it out into the vast ocean as he had no address to send to. For over 3 years, he did that whenever he could not control his sense of deep loss. It was an outlet for him. What he never expected was the bottles were found and the letters read, kept and published. 

Theresa, a single mother with a twelve year old son, found one such bottle during her walks on the beach while on holiday. She picked it up and discovered the letter. She read it and had a good cry as the letter was beautifully written from the depths of the writer's heart.

“The letter obviously came from the heart. And to think that a man wrote it! In all her years, she had never received a letter even close to that ......... What would such a man be like? she wondered. Would he be as caring in person as the letter seemed to imply?” 

 “Immediately after reading it, she had read it again, then a third time. What would it be like, she mused, to have someone love her that way?” 

Being a journalist, she published the letter as it had human interest. Thus, she received a call about another letter of the same line. And a third letter from another place. Her curiosity was piqued and she began her journey of tracking down the writer if just to know what he was like. He seemed like a man who loved wholeheartedly. Theresa, bruised from a divorce due to infidelity and dishonesty, wondered if such a man still existed. 

They met and without planning it, they fell in deeply love like two lost souls brought together. Being in a long distance love affair was trying as it was. But at the end of the day, Garret had to confront his own demons as he could not let Catherine go. They broke up reluctantly as Theresa could not compete with a shadow deeply embedded in his mind and heart. Garret dreamt of Catherine as he tried to face his own guilt ....

“Upon hearing my answer, she smiled at me with patient amusement, the way she used to before she died. “Oh, Garrett,” she finally said as she gently touched my face, “who do you think it was that brought the bottle to her?”

He finally wrote a final letter of goodbye to Catherine and another letter to Theresa asking for a second chance. He went out to sail to send Catherine's bottle but he never came returned. Theresa found out his death through Jeb, Garret's father. She finally found out the reason why he went out to sea when he knew that a storm was brewing through the letter that was addressed to her 2 weeks after his death. Garret was a professional sailor as he was involved with diving business. It took a year for Theresa to gather up herself and finally she wrote a letter thanking Garret for teaching her to love again. She too, let the bottle out into the sea ..... 

"After reading the letter for the last time, Theresa rolled it up and sealed it in the bottle. She turned it over a few times, knowing that her journey had come full circle. Finally, when she knew she could wait no longer, she threw it out as far as she could.

It was then that a strong wind picked up and the fog began to part. Theresa stood in silence and stared at the bottle as it began to float out to sea. And even though she knew it was impossible, she imagined that the bottle would never drift ashore. It would travel the world forever, drifting by faraway places she herself would never see.

When the bottle vanished from sight a few minutes later, she started back to the car. Walking in silence in the rain, Theresa smiled softly. She didn’t know when or where or if it would ever turn up, but it didn’t really matter. Somehow she knew that Garrett would get the message."

It is a beautiful story. I hate sad endings as it makes me cry and cry...... 

I, too, write out my feelings of frustrations, uncertainties, dissatisfaction, unhappiness and loneliness but I do not send them out to sea in a bottle. I write them and save them in the draft of my blog and e-mail. By now I have lots of it ..... it is what is called "self-help" therapy ... :-}}

These are old publications of Nicholas Sparks novels. I have always wanted to read them but never got the time and mood. Hmm ... back to the question ... are we able to love deeply with our whole heart and soul devoted to only one person ????? 

Carrot Walnut Cake ... ;=D))

Akmal is home. Just as when any of the boys are home for their semester break, I will fill up the fridge with their favourite food and snacks, usually home made... :-))

Since I have a pot luck at my staff room to welcome the school holidays, I decided to try the carrot cake just to bring something different. As Akmal ate anything even with vegetables, so I was game to try again this cake which I tried a couple of years ago. This time I wanted to try the cheese topping. So, this was the result ....

The slice carrot walnut cake with the messy cheese topping ...

I honestly did not like the cheese topping because it would not harden like the ones from the bakery. So, when the staff ate it and I asked for comments especially from the ERT teachers, they said if I wanted to harden it, I have to add gelatine. Oh well, they said it was nice but I was not satisfied .... so I think I will not try it again ... ;-0))   Besides .... nobody is home when Akmal goes off at the end of the month .... and the other two guys do not like anything with vegetable in it ....

Trifle Pudding ... :-))

Well, another successful experiment .... I came across this recipe when I wanted to make something different for Noor's birthday. So, I tried and made this because he and Ikram loved desserts. Then, I tried and modified it and made it into small, individual containers so that it was easier for me to give to others ... as usual.... ;-))

Thus, I added in the mix fruit cocktail juice and squeezed in a bit of lemon into the jelly so that the pudding was a balance of sweet and sour taste. It was scrumptious ... and I have given them to other friends to share them .... what we like is doubly satisfying if it is shared ... simple philosophy in life.

Individual containers so that it is easier to give away and to be eaten ....

The upside down pudding - just to show the layers of swiss roll cake, custard, mix fruit cocktail and jelly ....

It is best eaten chilled, of course. The guys love it. Those who have the honour of testing it also love it especially the blend of sweet and sour taste..... :-))  makes me feel good as so many have enjoyed this simple but special pudding. You can easily get the recipe from the internet. This is definitely another in the list of comfort food .... cooling, sweet and sour, delicious and comforting.... yummy ...

Since Akmal is home, there is somebody who wants to eat all these desserts. Thus, he eats one everyday. There's the almond rocher chocolates. All made by mummy dearest ... :-))  He has said that he wants 4 bottles (100 pieces) of cookies to bring back for his buddies in KK. Yet, he is complaining that he is getting fat ..... hmmm... mum is at fault !!!!

The Notebook - Nicholas Sparks

It is such a beautiful touching book. Written in simple, conversational dialogue right from the heart. It touches my heart and soul. I read it and I felt for Allie and Noah. It crossed my mind of my complicated situation - "What if ...?" 

Do such deep, undying love still exist? Allie and Noah fell deeply in love one summer. She was 15 years old and Noah was seventeen. They were separated due to status in the society. Over the years, what she did not know was Noah wrote to her letters every day for a year. When she never replied, Noah wrote one last letter professing his deep love for her. Allie, on the other hand, thought that Noah was just playing with her emotions and made used of her. The letters were taken and hidden by her mother. She waited for almost 14 years before decided to accept a marriage proposal. The war separated them with Noah enlisted in action and Allie volunteered as a nurse at a war camp. When Allie saw an article on Noah's house, she decided to return and close this chapter of her life before she got married in 3 weeks time. Noah never got married. 

When they finally met up, all they discovered was the reality that they had never stopped loving each other. Her fiancee came to confront her and she had to make a choice. Choosing Noah would hurt and embarrassed her family, society and status as she was from the higher caste. She would be giving up living the luxury life she was used to, her status in her society confirmed with the marriage to an old family and her family would be a notch higher in the caste system of the south. She would be safe but dull, boring and half alive. Choosing her fiancee meant she would be giving up her love and her dreams. Noah made her feel alive, excited, comfortable, content and her dreams to be a painter supported and encouraged. 

Her mother came and gave her all the letters that Noah had written. She chose to read the last letter. Her mother gave her parting words - "Follow your heart."  She thought she heard wrong because her mother was the one who was really status-conscious. Allie finally chose Noah and gave up everything. They led a happy, beautiful life of for 45 years. Until she was diagnosed with the early stages of Alzheimer's.

Thus, began the notebook. They wrote about their feelings, what they had gone through together, their love, their children .... all their lives ... before she started to forget. Allie booked them into a Home together. Noah was also starting to have acute athritis and rheumatoid of the fingers. He was also suffering from cancer. When she started to become worse with the disease and her memory no longer served her, Noah began reading to her the notebook everyday. He spent all his time with her and only went back to his room at night. She thrived and sometimes remembered. The Home loved their love story. When doctors were baffled by her stable condition, the nurses believed that their love sustained her. For two years he read to her about their life although she did not even know who he was. Yet they were compatible and content in each other's company.

Finally, when Noah had a stroke and was hospitalised, he fought back the pain by keeping the memory of Allie to pull him back so that he could still be by Allie's side and reading their live's story to her. One night, he sneaked into Allie's room, sat by the bed and held her hand. Noah also hoped that he would be the last to go so that Allie would not be alone .... they died still holding hands ...

I had a good cry and felt warm inside. What if at that time of my life .... if I had confronted "him" when he was engaged to be married, would he had chosen Allie's path? Did "he" love me enough to throw everything away? It was an arranged marriage. Disregarding it would be a shame on his family and his fiancee. No, I don't think "he" would do that. Responsibility and commitment constraint one's choices in life. It was just meant to be ... life has already been dictated by Allah.

Wouldn't it be so sweet if we had a love that could sustain us physically, emotionally and mentally? A love where we could not bear even the thought of being apart? A love sustained and gained over the years? A love where both understood each other that no words were needed? 

Yet, in this world and society of ours, we accept. We lived and made the best of the situation. We love our partners as they have gone through a lot with us. Love NOT in love. Hence, the emptiness is there. The loneliness is there. The acceptance makes life bearable. At the end of the day, we realise that some people are meant to live in our hearts but not in our lives .....

Another year older ... :-}}

Contentment. Kindness. Acceptance. Grateful. Letting go. Bidding farewell. Most of all feeling blessed. That is what I am feeling at this moment of my life. Blessed by the Almighty Allah. Blessed with so much abundance and love. Shielded from hate and envy. Consideration and compassion. Empathy and sympathy.

On this birth day, where actually our lives are shortened and not prolonged, I am counting my blessings and grateful for every little things that cross my path of living. For every thing which makes my life easier. For every thoughtfulness and kindness bestowed upon me and my family. For every trials and tests faced with given patience and strength. For every love that can be felt but not touched. For every tear that is kissed away. For every hug that comforts. For every meeting that binds the relationship and friendship. For every farewell that promises of future meet ups. For every pain that soothes the soul. For every breath that is given daily. For a good night's sleep. For every thing that I do that helps others. "Which of the favours you deny Allah?" (Surah ar-Rahman)

I hope in the course of this year, I have done my bit of spreading and giving kindness to every single creature of Allah's creation whether big or small. Whether human or otherwise. I have become more patient. I hope I have become more giving. I hope to be a much a better person than I am today. InsyaAllah. I hold on to this adage - "If I am able to make another's life easier, why wouldn't I?"  Even if it is only through my smile, gestures or actions.

So, this birthday is a day of being kind. being grateful and feeling blessed. Alhamdulillah. I guess being in such a melancholic and nostalgic mood is due to the rain. I love the rain .... :-))  Thus, hoping today is a blessed and meaningful day ....

Finally, at the end of the day, I hope I have done what should be done ... I have not hurt others intentionally or otherwise .... I have done what good unto others as I would like others do good unto me ... I have apologised for all the wrongs that I cannot make right ... I have fulfilled promises made ... I have loved those who loved me .... I have not hated anyone with such resentment .... I hope I have been a good servant, a follower, wife, mother, sister, friend, colleague, staff, acquaintance and stranger..... :-))

"Oh. It's November."

I love this picture. Especially the caption. "Oh." It comes with a full stop. Not a comma as the usual punctuation used after an expression. Not even an exclamation mark. Or a question mark. But a full stop. A definition. A finality. A quiet surprise. Not a happy surprise. Not a shocking surprise. Not even an unpleasant one. Just an accepting, awakening expression. "It's November."

My month to reflect and look back at the past ten months of 2014. Perhaps with a lot of smiles. Maybe a few tears and sorrow. Could be with a tinge of regret. Or frustrations. Desperation. Hopes. Dreams. ..... I have another 11 days to do some soul-searching and deep reflection of myself. My life. My hopes. My dreams. My wishes for the next year .... if I am given another year.

So, it is November.... after the grouses, moans, groans, despair .... albeit the tears and sorrow ... interspersed with smiles, laughter, jokes and grins .... let us pray and hope Allah will grace me with a much relaxed count down to my "day" .... ;-)) 

Thus, November, I welcome you with an open heart, mind, soul and outstretched hands ...  ;-))