I Am Very Much Humbled

Case 1  -  Sabariah, a maintenance cleaner at my school. In her fifties, her job is to sweep and clean Block D. Her husband is also one of the maintenance staff in charge of gardening. Simple, slow and of course, poor. She can read and write only what are necessary. She had a daughter who died under tragic circumstances. What makes her stands out among the five female cleaners in this school? Why is she my centre of attention?

I come early to school everyday. The cleaners clock in at 7:00am. What catches my attention is a half-full plastic bag of rice. Sometimes just plain white rice. Sometimes I can see slivers of fish in it. The stray cats (the problem when housing estates start mushrooming near schools) which are all over the school will come running to greet both of them, husband and wife. They will go to the back part of the school and make little pools of the rice for each cat. She has been consistently doing this since one of the staff retired in April. That staff would usually buy a big bag of cat food for her to feed all these stray cats. I do not condone nor agree with her actions but there is little I can do. This attracts more cats to come and dirty the school. Yet, I salute her and respect her. Simple and giving. She who has so little can give so much. I am very much humbled.

Case 2  -  Fazliana's mother or Makcik as I called her. Fazliana was one of the new examiners (MUET Speaking) who was under me to be trained as one. During one of the sessions together while waiting for the next session, we talked about personal things. She asked me what I did during weekends. So, I told her of my Tafaqquh-Din class at Kolej Universiti Insaniah. She got the details about the class and turned up with her mother.

Makcik had to use a three-legged walking cane to support her but she was determined to come and enrolled in this class. She taught the Quran. I greeted them and got them into the running of the class - the schedule, books and so forth. Thus, began a friendship. Later when Fazliana was transferred to Kuantan, her mother persevered and practically seldom missed classes. She could drive. Her son sent her when he was around for the semester breaks. Otherwise, when she arrived at almost the same time as I did, I would wait for her and carry her bags for her. She would walk slowly and used my hand to balance herself when climbing up the uneven floors. What was so humbling was when even the ustaz would stop teaching and let her sit before continuing. She, who had physical problems persevered in the quest to get close to Allah. It has been three years now. And I ... who am only having physical aches and pains, should have no right to complain. I am very much humbled.

Case 3  -  Most times I will go to the grocery store near my housing estate to get my bread and eggs. One day, I was in my car starting the engine when this cat caught my eye.

It kept rubbing itself against this young lady who was busy fishing for her keys in her bag to open the door. She stayed at the top floor of one of the shoplots. She kept pushing the cat away with her legs with a tired and irritated face. Thus, I just sat in the car and watched what she would do. Once the grill was opened, she did not go up the stairs to her room. Instead, she took a small box near the stairs and took a container. The cat stayed near the grill but did not enter it. The young lady took out a bowl and put cat food inside it for the cat. No wonder it was waiting for her. It was waiting for its food. Then, she walked towards the parking lot near my car and threw out birds' feed. Suddenly, a group of pigeons which had been hovering and lining up the electric cables swooped down and began feeding.

She was tired but it was like a ritual for her to feed these creatures before she went up to her lodgings. She took the trouble to feed the cat and birds. I supposed she would have to make sure she always had her stock of food ready. The young lady - made it her commitment to feed them before she went up for the night. She was just a simple, ordinary girl with not much I guess but with compassion for God's creatures. I am very much humbled.

Compassion for God's creatures. Perseverance in the quest for knowledge. Giving when she is the one who should be receiving. Little lessons in life. Huge remunerations in the after life. I am very much humbled.

Finally, I bid adieu ...

It is the final week of school for the year 2015. It also marks my countdown to my professional retirement from any teaching duties. I have psyche myself not to feel anything or get emotionally involve with anybody ... staff or students. Let me write out my final days ...

Day 1 (15 Nov 2015)  -  its work as usual. Getting the PAJSK and SEGAK forms printed out and photostated for my class students who wanted to fill in their application forms to further their studies in Form Four to Technical schools, MRSM, Vocational schools or elsewhere. With the slow internet service at this area, it was like doing a snail marathon. Finally got it done while doing relief duty at the same time. By the time, I completed this task, it was already past noon. Besides that, the co-ordinator for the PT3 English paper came for co-ordination and so far, there were no hitches regarding the marks we had given.

                                       I personally distributed the special souvenir that I had done for all the staff with the help of Wah and Ikram. It was not anticipated and they were pleasantly surprised that I am the one who was giving instead of receiving. It was just a small token of remembrance but they loved it and marvelled at its uniqueness. Some of them proclaimed that it was too special to even open the plastic covering while others wanted to put it their Quran and special books. Alhamdulillah ... I made so many people happy today. The special gifts for the special people in this school (4 only) was accepted with so much grace and appreciation. They were touched and especially Fauzi ... counting the days left to spend with me....

Each bookmark is personally hand-crocheted by Wah, ironed, starched and dried in the hot sun while the personalised name cards were cdesigned by Ikram. We added the RIP for humour effect ... ;-0))

Day  2 (16 Nov 2015)  -  I had 5 periods of relief duty as some teachers had gone off for invigilation duties for SPM and STPM exams. I had the Form Ones. As I looked at them, I was thinking how innocent and young they were. Still high in enthusiasm for friends, school and teachers. Just the other day I was passing a comment to Noor - sometimes I wished that children did not grow up. Kittens did not turn into cats. What was young remained young .... Then I looked at my Form Threes .... by this time next year they would have gone through the sixteenth birthday ... older, mature and turning into a young adult.
                                       Today I had to complete the mark sheet for the PT3 English papers. Khoo assisted me in keying the marks and I submitted all the answer scripts. Finally, it was out of my hands. Final duty done as best as I could. I also had the personal files of my class completed and submitted to the exam unit of the school.

Day 3  (17 Nov 2015)  -  Today I was not given any relief duty. Alhamdulillah. Thus, to take advantage of an unbelievable free day, I watched a movie that I had wanted to watch again for some time. "Dead Poets' Society". A fitting ending to my profession as it made me reflect how far a teacher's influence in the young lives of the students. I will do a write up just to share.

                                        One of the counsellors gave me a farewell present as she had known me for almost 10 years. I honestly did not like nor wanted anything from them. I would prefer to be the giver as it made me so satisfied to make others happy. Some students came to give me their personal gifts to say thank you. ... It was a frame of photos of us together during the farewell party at KFC.  I was so touched and I hated it as it would make me cry ....

Day 4  (18 Nov 2015)  -  Only Allah knows what was in our hearts...or in this case, Fauzi's. Last Sunday when I gave him my farewell gift which was a book "Falsafah Hidup" by Hamka ...  He was commenting that we would not meet up like this anymore. He said on Wednesday i.e. today ... he wanted to take me for a final walkabout around the school. Thursday he would be gone for invigilation.

I wrote what I felt from the heart ... how can I express  what 25 years of friendship mean to me???

                              This morning, I asked Fauzi if he would accompany me and three students followed to pay our respects to Raihan's ( 3C1 student ) father who passed away last night. Fauzi insisted on taking me out for breakfast. Then, when we reached school, he took me for a nostalgic walkabout around the school. He recollected memories of our days together for the last 25 years when I first came, stopping by the Co-op, dropped by some classes and finally ending up at the staff room where they had prepared a small party for those leaving the school - one on transfer and the other to follow her husband to Papua New Guinea. The attention from Fauzi continued with serving me drinks and whatever I wanted. I spent a couple of hours with the staff as I seldom sat in the staff room. Hmmm ... what a sweet, nostalgic day for me ... Alhamdulillah ... I hope he would not miss me much .....

                                     I opened a farewell gift from Ayu and I was speechless .... she had given me an expensive gift which was beyond my expectation .... I assumed it was something simple and practical ... I was so touched and dismayed that she had spent so much money for me. One of the staff who saw it said she valued my friendship so much .... I could just heave a long, heavy sigh .... I hope and pray that nobody will give me anything as I do not need material or physical memories ....

Final Day  (19 Nov 2015 )  -  The day started with reciting surah Yaasin and taking attendance of the students who still came to school. The PK requested I gave a farewell speech to the students but I vehemently declined. After that, it was work as usual. Tying up loose ends and making sure I completed and submitted everything required of me. I had closed the register. I had signed and handed my record book, my personal file, the check-list form, the SAL room key .... I guessed that's about it. Today, the school cafe gave me a treat and I did not pay for my food. ALhamdulillah.

                                        Today I sat in my old room - the Exam Unit as I had already handed my key to the SAL room to the GK. Milah came and gave me farewell gift although I did not want it. I am not very good at etiquette. I know I should just accept it gracefully and expressed my appreciation. Hmmm .... I was wondering why the big fuss about my retirement  ..... so many others had retired ...
A quiet day of settling what should be settled, said my goodbyes and leave the place where I had given, dedicated and committed 25 years of my life here ....

                                      As Rafiki in "The Lion King" said - "It is Time." Well, it is time to move on and face my new phase in life. A full-time housewife. I wonder if Noor is ready for this .... hahahaha .... ;-))) .... seeing his wife at home all the time instead of rushing to school early in the morning, the many outstation meetings and briefings, the times when I was so busy that we only talked during weekends ..... well, time to slow down and take one day at a time ..... in shaa Allah.

                                        Thus, at 2:10pm, I went to the office to punch my card to log out for the day. Amidst so many friends and staff, I punched my card. I had gone to see each and everyone to bid adieu and seek forgiveness so that I leave in peace. Once, I am out of the school gate, my commitment as a teacher is redundant. I took a long look around the school before I got into my car and purposely took the long route home to let the scenery of the padi fields soothe my mix feelings of leaving ... This is a favourite quote of mine since I love "Little House on the Prairie" ....

No tears were shed when I was saying goodbye - only smiles and laughter ... happy for myself ... a new phase of life awaits ...

Another Year Older and Perhaps Wiser ...

Am I? Wiser, I mean. Half a century gone ... a new phase of life will begin soon with my impending retirement .. am I wiser? Patient? Tolerant? Forgiving? What is another year to me?

 No, and neither do I wish to be younger. I think one grows confident with age. One mellows down. Where I was once an impatient person and gets upset so easily when things do not go as I want them ... I learn to just go with the flow, take a deep breath, smile and accept. I am open to see things as they are and not as I want them to. I accept weaknesses and errors. I accept the small things that may mean big to another. In fact, I would say I enjoy and appreciate life more - time spent with families especially my sons. The cats and birds who come over for their feed. The stormy weather and lashing rain. The blazing, scorching sun. The squirrels jumping from one electrical line to another. The monkeys swinging down the branches. In fact, I appreciate everything around me. Alhamdulillah.

Thus, this birthday sees me spending it with my family. A rendezvous with another friend whose birthday falls on the same date (albeit 22 years younger) has to be cancelled as she is not well. This birthday also marks the milestone I am making in my life - leaving my career. I will be a full time housewife .... :-))

Thus, I wish myself a quiet birthday. Happy in being alone. Grateful for everybody who remembers to send me wishes. Appreciate for the grace to make others happy by just being me. Alhamdulillah.
I wished myself good health, a blessed life, a great and marvellous day  ..... In shaa Allah.

Unwelcomed Resident ...

Over the years in this house, I have had so many residents which come and go. Neighbours' cats who tended to think that I owed them food and affection. Birds which perched themselves at my gate and fence and had the time of the day to prune and clean themselves leaving all sorts of droppings ... they were also waiting for their ration of bird feed. Snakes which came and went slithering off, I assumed. The fox (musang pandan) which felt that the ceiling above was their residency. I kept hearing steps, clawing and I suppose having a ball up there when you could hear them rolling and jumping .... Not to mention the occasional monkeys who peered through the door and screen door .... not forgetting the rare monitor lizard (biawak) passing by.... and finally, the guest I was referring to was the ... rat.

This rodent and its family had come and go all the years we were here. Sometimes we noticed only one - as if we could distinguish their differences in looks ... ;-)) .... and usually Noor would set a trap to catch them. More often than not, we always did catch them. Yesterday we caught one and the neighbours' cats (a family of a mother cat and her two kittens) as usual came whenever the door was opened and demanded their ration of friskies. They saw the poor rat and this was their reaction ....

The poor rat miscalculated and got trapped ...

Waiting patiently for their friskies while watching the rat in the cage until curiosity got the better of them  

Finally when they saw their food, all about the rat was forgotten ...

So, what are we going to do about this poor rodent? That will be Noor's problem ... if it is up to me, I will let it go ...

It Is Worth It ... ;=))

Nothing was more touching than being given something so memorable and valuable that even words just could not describe the feeling. All I could do was just hugged it close to me and looked at the givers with love and affection. I felt so valued, so appreciated and so loved by these ex-students of mine. What had they given me? A collection of our photos together with scribbles from them pouring out their heartfelt thanks and love ... Did I really mean that much to them??? I might have taught thousands of students spanning 4 states for 31 years .... but this batch of 2013 really outdone themselves. Why?

 It was a week before their SPM exam and they took the trouble to get together, printed out the photos, decorated the album with touching words and got their ex-classmates from other classes now (in Form Four they went to separate classes according to their PMR results) ... and gave me in person on the day before the SPM. All I could say was a big, teary-eyed thank you ...

From my class of 2015 ...

They gave me flowers because they knew I would love it. Ros baked a cake for us. The most touching part was when Shiqin told me that her grandmother sponsored the cupcakes which 5 of them made themselves because I used to teach her mother and now her ... hahahaha ...two generations of her family ... oh dear ... anyway, I felt so honoured. Husna gave me a burger piggy bank because she said I should learn to save money now ... huhuhu ... and a few gave notes and self-made cards ... 

It made my whole life worth it .... teaching them, educating them, opening their hearts and minds, touching their lives and letting them touched mine too ... for better or for worse ... all of us had made a difference in each of our lives. Not only had they gained from me ... but I became much richer in everything because of them ...