A father, after giving away her daughter on her wedding day, told his new son in-law :-
"If, one day, you don't love her anymore, please don't tell her. Tell me. I will come and take
her home."
I found this quote in one of the many sites that I read. I was touched by it and the simplicity of the request. One can sense the depth of the father's love who still tried to shield his daughter from anything that could hurt her. A daughter will always be a father's little girl.
I do not have a daughter. Thus, I will never know the feeling. I got married nine years after my father passed away. It was my late brother who gave me away. I think he was just relieved to get his job done. He had nine sisters! Yet, I had seen fathers who wiped away tears when they finally let go of their daughters. One recent example was the solemnisation of Shaun's (my nephew) and Amal's wedding. We witnessed Amal's father wiping off his tears after he solemnised the marriage. It was a touching, poignant moment that we felt his love and worries.
My father was no longer around during my wedding. Yet I knew what he would say to all his daughters. The first to get married was Kak Leha. Followed by Kak Haj and Kak Ti. He managed to get his three daughters married off before his death. He did not say anything to his sons in-law. What he did said to my sisters was - "never to stop working as having your own money means independence. That we could always come home if anything should go wrong." And some sisters did. He was no longer around but Mak was. She just accepted and never asked. She gave them space and time until they were ready to talk about it and make decisions. It was very rarely if she ever did told off her sons in-law who were quite embarrassed if she ever reprimanded them. Wise lady. May their souls rest in peace.
For me, when it is time for the boys to get married, it is to them that I will say those words. If some time along the marriage their feelings changed due to whatever situations, send them back to their parents. Be honourable and do it right. You have asked for her hand in marriage in good faith. Let her go with dignity and part ways peacefully. Life is a cycle. What you do unto others will come back to you. Life is too short to live with anger and unhappiness. But do try to work out things between you. As the old folks used to say - we do not discard things but try to repair them.
I told Ikram of this quote and being the cynical guy he was - told me the reverse. I should come and get him if ever his future wife did not love him anymore. And he knew that I would. We laughed it off but if I could protect my sons from the hurts, I would. Yet, hurt is a part of growing up. To be able to feel hurt is what makes one appreciates love. Not to clam up and give up on loving again. To be wiser. To be matured. To be responsible so that one will try to avoid hurting someone else after knowing the pain of it. Yet, wise enough to learn that in order to love, one has to give and take, emphatise and compromise. All the best to the boys. May Allah grants and blesses you with partners who will complete you and your lives. Inshaa Allah. Aamiin.
Sunday, 6 January 2019
Tuesday, 1 January 2019
Goodbye 2018 ... welcome 2019
It is that time of year where I sit and reflect the year that was. A year of grief and sadness, challenges and perseverance, belief and faith, hopes and prayers. Acceptance that Allah's plans were more perfect than our best planning. Lessons to be taken and learned from all that had happened. Everything happened for a reason but sometimes the logic and reasons beyond them defied explanation. That at the end of the day, one just persevered, without questioning the whys and faithfully accepted. It made life easier and bearable.
Early in the year was Hamid's sudden death. Come to think of it, all deaths are sudden. Nobody just dropped dead. After more than twenty years of being given a second chance, he fully lived it. For himself, his family and his Creator. I did not grief his death in such a way that I had grieved the loss of my father. It was just that he was our pillar of strength and conscience. Our moral police. Our spiritual guide. Our protector. Our counselor. Our advisor. Our big brother. But more often than not, our friend. I felt a sense of an incomplete jigsaw puzzle. Thus, I decided to go for an adventure of a lifetime which turned out traumatic and enlightening at the same time.
I decided to make a trip to Manchester, UK upon the invitation of Ismahan, my ex-BBGS student. A planned trip of five weeks turned out a stay of ten weeks. A blessing in disguise because being stuck in her house with her warmth and welcoming hospitality strengthened a student-teacher relationship to family. How they treated and embraced us was so accepting that I owed so much that could never be repaid. Plans of a ski trip to Chatel, France were cancelled for the two of us. So was the planned trip to Barcelona and London. My partner who came a few weeks later to join me had a heart attack and had to undergo an open heart bypass surgery immediately before being permitted to fly again. It was lucky I took the advice to take travel insurance which fully covered the surgery. We were blessed by being surrounded by doctors and recuperated in a doctor's home. We hardly spent anything much as most expenses were covered by these wonderful people. We managed to wander around Manchester and lived like a local resident. It was an enriching and enhancing experience. From the hospital stay to the education system, local council voting system, marketing and grocery shopping, taking the tram and Uber rides, and the wonderful long walks to their protected lakes and pine forests. I also managed to experience the end of winter courtesy of the "Beast from the East" i.e. the freezing Siberian winds which prolonged winter. I was there to embrace the warmth of spring witnessing the blooming of beautiful flowers and trees and finally, the heat of the starting of summer. Thus, which deeds of Allah do you deny?
When I was at my most alone and lowest point of my experience (everybody had gone for the ski trip which could not be cancelled as it involved thirty people - which left me all alone at home while my partner was in hospital. Nobody was allowed to wait or sleep at the hospital) ... I learned to totally gave myself up to my Creator. I learned to totally surrender to Him. Nobody witnessed how I broke down and being so dwarfed in this wide world. When we got the result of the angiogram and I had to go home to an empty home, Allah sent Kay, one of Ismahan's friends, who came actually to collect the bags. I could not say anything but I guessed a woman's instinct. She just hugged me real tight and that was when I gave up to the tears and fears that had been in me since my partner was admitted on the day of his arrival. Prayers and messages from family and very close friends helped me to get through this traumatic ordeal. Having the boys with us helped tremendously. Nobody saw me cried that they thought I was a strong and patient woman. I did my crying when I performed my prayers at the chapel at the hospital - a multi-faith room. Where it was strangers whom asked and encouraged me to talk about my worries and fears. I was a private person and very seldom share my problems with anybody. Yet, being alone in a nw country with practically noboby, I opened up to these strangers. I was truly indebted to the ladies I met in the chapel and the Uber drivers who when they learned about my predicament, offered prayers for my partner. It was an enlightening experience of human nature and love in Islam. Alhamdulillah - thank you Allah.
One happy note was Shaun's wedding. After a failed engagement seven years ago, he finally found someone whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. A good wait to get over the hurt and rejection albeit a long one. It was a simple, fun and lovely wedding. May both of them be blessed with happiness. Aamiin.
Family wise ... Ikram finally received an offer for a job at Karangkraf in its IT department. Syafiq had his second convo for his degree with Uniten (the first for his diploma with UTM) and Akmal should complete his master's these. Both of them are still looking for a job. My partner had submitted his one month's notice of resignation citing health reasons and would be retiring in February 2019. I had no idea what he would be doing with himself but I supposed he had something lined up to fill his time then.
Health wise ... my ears were still giving me problems that I finally went to an ENT specialist for treatment. I had it on and off for the past two years. He said it was an infection. The pain would keep recurring and I had to make sure the ears were dried and to keep tabs on the food that triggered the pain. My osteoarthritis knees seemed to be in more pain and I had to take the pain killer daily. As the doctors in Manchester said - if medications could help one live a meaningful and quality life, why not? I still go for my morning walk as often as I can with the encouragement of Syafiq's gift of MiFit - an exercise health band that tracked my steps and heartbeat.
We missed the most awaited event in Malaysia - the GE14 !!! We were so anxious and were frustrated when the internet were blocked and no results forthcoming. The guys in Malaysia kept sending links which could not be opened. We heard first hand how Malaysians came together in finance and time to send home their postal votes. We came home to a new Malaysia. With renewed hopes for a more clean and united country. We gathered and shared whatever news were available. This reminded me of the GE13 when there were also a lot of blackouts and disturbances during the ballot counting because I kept sending messages to Kak Hajar who were in Adelaide at that time as Nadia had a miscarriage. That was also an anxious wait.
Well, overall 2018 is a mixed of ups and downs. Alhamdulillah for all the lessons and grateful for the small mercies to ease and smoothen our lives. Hopefully it makes us a better person than who we were before. Hence, welcome 2019. May it be a much blessed year. Please give us the strength, patience and perseverance to face whatever tests and trials planned for us. I shall make the best of the situation given. Inshaa Allah.
2019 awaits us. Let us embraced it with much warmth and love. Do good unto this year and it will do good unto us. Inshaa Allah. Aamiin.
Early in the year was Hamid's sudden death. Come to think of it, all deaths are sudden. Nobody just dropped dead. After more than twenty years of being given a second chance, he fully lived it. For himself, his family and his Creator. I did not grief his death in such a way that I had grieved the loss of my father. It was just that he was our pillar of strength and conscience. Our moral police. Our spiritual guide. Our protector. Our counselor. Our advisor. Our big brother. But more often than not, our friend. I felt a sense of an incomplete jigsaw puzzle. Thus, I decided to go for an adventure of a lifetime which turned out traumatic and enlightening at the same time.
I decided to make a trip to Manchester, UK upon the invitation of Ismahan, my ex-BBGS student. A planned trip of five weeks turned out a stay of ten weeks. A blessing in disguise because being stuck in her house with her warmth and welcoming hospitality strengthened a student-teacher relationship to family. How they treated and embraced us was so accepting that I owed so much that could never be repaid. Plans of a ski trip to Chatel, France were cancelled for the two of us. So was the planned trip to Barcelona and London. My partner who came a few weeks later to join me had a heart attack and had to undergo an open heart bypass surgery immediately before being permitted to fly again. It was lucky I took the advice to take travel insurance which fully covered the surgery. We were blessed by being surrounded by doctors and recuperated in a doctor's home. We hardly spent anything much as most expenses were covered by these wonderful people. We managed to wander around Manchester and lived like a local resident. It was an enriching and enhancing experience. From the hospital stay to the education system, local council voting system, marketing and grocery shopping, taking the tram and Uber rides, and the wonderful long walks to their protected lakes and pine forests. I also managed to experience the end of winter courtesy of the "Beast from the East" i.e. the freezing Siberian winds which prolonged winter. I was there to embrace the warmth of spring witnessing the blooming of beautiful flowers and trees and finally, the heat of the starting of summer. Thus, which deeds of Allah do you deny?
When I was at my most alone and lowest point of my experience (everybody had gone for the ski trip which could not be cancelled as it involved thirty people - which left me all alone at home while my partner was in hospital. Nobody was allowed to wait or sleep at the hospital) ... I learned to totally gave myself up to my Creator. I learned to totally surrender to Him. Nobody witnessed how I broke down and being so dwarfed in this wide world. When we got the result of the angiogram and I had to go home to an empty home, Allah sent Kay, one of Ismahan's friends, who came actually to collect the bags. I could not say anything but I guessed a woman's instinct. She just hugged me real tight and that was when I gave up to the tears and fears that had been in me since my partner was admitted on the day of his arrival. Prayers and messages from family and very close friends helped me to get through this traumatic ordeal. Having the boys with us helped tremendously. Nobody saw me cried that they thought I was a strong and patient woman. I did my crying when I performed my prayers at the chapel at the hospital - a multi-faith room. Where it was strangers whom asked and encouraged me to talk about my worries and fears. I was a private person and very seldom share my problems with anybody. Yet, being alone in a nw country with practically noboby, I opened up to these strangers. I was truly indebted to the ladies I met in the chapel and the Uber drivers who when they learned about my predicament, offered prayers for my partner. It was an enlightening experience of human nature and love in Islam. Alhamdulillah - thank you Allah.
One happy note was Shaun's wedding. After a failed engagement seven years ago, he finally found someone whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. A good wait to get over the hurt and rejection albeit a long one. It was a simple, fun and lovely wedding. May both of them be blessed with happiness. Aamiin.
Family wise ... Ikram finally received an offer for a job at Karangkraf in its IT department. Syafiq had his second convo for his degree with Uniten (the first for his diploma with UTM) and Akmal should complete his master's these. Both of them are still looking for a job. My partner had submitted his one month's notice of resignation citing health reasons and would be retiring in February 2019. I had no idea what he would be doing with himself but I supposed he had something lined up to fill his time then.
Health wise ... my ears were still giving me problems that I finally went to an ENT specialist for treatment. I had it on and off for the past two years. He said it was an infection. The pain would keep recurring and I had to make sure the ears were dried and to keep tabs on the food that triggered the pain. My osteoarthritis knees seemed to be in more pain and I had to take the pain killer daily. As the doctors in Manchester said - if medications could help one live a meaningful and quality life, why not? I still go for my morning walk as often as I can with the encouragement of Syafiq's gift of MiFit - an exercise health band that tracked my steps and heartbeat.
We missed the most awaited event in Malaysia - the GE14 !!! We were so anxious and were frustrated when the internet were blocked and no results forthcoming. The guys in Malaysia kept sending links which could not be opened. We heard first hand how Malaysians came together in finance and time to send home their postal votes. We came home to a new Malaysia. With renewed hopes for a more clean and united country. We gathered and shared whatever news were available. This reminded me of the GE13 when there were also a lot of blackouts and disturbances during the ballot counting because I kept sending messages to Kak Hajar who were in Adelaide at that time as Nadia had a miscarriage. That was also an anxious wait.
Well, overall 2018 is a mixed of ups and downs. Alhamdulillah for all the lessons and grateful for the small mercies to ease and smoothen our lives. Hopefully it makes us a better person than who we were before. Hence, welcome 2019. May it be a much blessed year. Please give us the strength, patience and perseverance to face whatever tests and trials planned for us. I shall make the best of the situation given. Inshaa Allah.
2019 awaits us. Let us embraced it with much warmth and love. Do good unto this year and it will do good unto us. Inshaa Allah. Aamiin.
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