If You Don’t Love Her Anymore ....

A father, after giving away her daughter on her wedding day, told his new son in-law :-

"If, one day, you don't love her anymore, please don't tell her. Tell me. I will come and take  
  her  home."

I found this quote in one of the many sites that I read. I was touched by it and the simplicity of the request. One can sense the depth of the father's love who still tried to shield his daughter from anything that could hurt her. A daughter will always be a father's little girl.

I do not have a daughter. Thus, I will never know the feeling. I got married nine years after my father passed away. It was my late brother who gave me away. I think he was just relieved to get his job done. He had nine sisters! Yet, I had seen fathers who wiped away tears when they finally let go of their daughters. One recent example was the solemnisation of Shaun's (my nephew) and Amal's wedding. We witnessed Amal's father wiping off his tears after he solemnised the marriage. It was a touching, poignant moment that we felt his love and worries. 

My father was no longer around during my wedding. Yet I knew what he would say to all his daughters. The first to get married was Kak Leha. Followed by Kak Haj and Kak Ti. He managed to get his three daughters married off before his death. He did not say anything to his sons in-law. What he did said to my sisters was - "never to stop working as having your own money means independence. That we could always come home if anything should go wrong." And some sisters did. He was no longer around but Mak was. She just accepted and never asked. She gave them space and time until they were ready to talk about it and make decisions. It was very rarely if she ever did told off her sons in-law who were quite embarrassed if she ever reprimanded them. Wise lady. May their souls rest in peace.

For me, when it is time for the boys to get married, it is to them that I will say those words. If some time along the marriage their feelings changed due to whatever situations, send them back to their parents. Be honourable and do it right. You have asked for her hand in marriage in good faith. Let her go with dignity and part ways peacefully. Life is a cycle. What you do unto others will come back to you. Life is too short to live with anger and unhappiness. But do try to work out things between you. As the old folks used to say - we do not discard things but try to repair them.

I told Ikram of this quote and being the cynical guy he was - told me the reverse. I should come and get him if ever his future wife did not love him anymore. And he knew that I would. We laughed it off but if I could protect my sons from the hurts, I would. Yet, hurt is a part of growing up. To be able to feel hurt is what makes one appreciates love. Not to clam up and give up on loving again. To be wiser. To be matured. To be responsible so that one will try to avoid hurting someone else after knowing the pain of it. Yet, wise enough to learn that in order to love, one has to give and take, emphatise and compromise. All the best to the boys. May Allah grants and blesses you with partners who will complete you and your lives. Inshaa Allah. Aamiin.