SMA Arabiah Pasir Mas - Reflections

Five years. That was how long I stayed in Kelantan. 1984 until 1988. Leha had moved back to Ipoh after she got married to Zainuri, our senior. Lat had moved back to Penang. Enny had returned to Ipoh, too. There was nobody left but me...:-(  So, what could I remember of my life there?

Initially, it was difficult. I had to adjust to the culture of Kelantan malays. It didn't help that I was in an environment of totally 99% Kelantanese malays!!! Dressing, dialect, food, way of thinking, way of life ... especially food! Finally, I opted to cook my own food especially for dinner. It was very simple for me - as long as I had my bread, vegetables, fruits... slowly over the years I quite enjoyed the food. I learned to eat mee ladna, roti canai with curry and added sugar in it :-D kuzi kambing, nasi mandi, nasi ambang, nasi dagang ... the list would be endless. Let's not forget lompat tikam, kuek akok, kueh made from pulut .... Whenever I visited Nani in Kota Bahru, Ma would cook ayam percik and nasi kerabu since I didn't quite get the hang of eating nasi dagang. She would also cook for me udang galah. Reflecting on their warmth, kindness and generosity - I was always pampered by Ma and Ayah. Nani's father owned a kilang papan (sawmill) business. Yet, I could not accept Abang Yie as an obligation to return their kindness. The gallivanting and many trips to the beaches, waterfalls, Taabah (Thailand border near Tumpat) and the shopping. Nani and her family spoilt me in their own way.

If I followed Yah home to Beris Kubur Besar, Mak and Cek would pamper me in typical kampung Kelantanese style. Simple home cooking style since they were quite elderly. Yah's parents owned a ladang tembakau. Thus, we always ended up at Mek's house (Yah's older sister) or Abang Din's house. I would never forget the kindness they showered upon me. Not only with food but with lots of love, acceptance and  warmth. I always remembered my mother's advice - "pandai-pandai bawa diri. Kita merantau. Jangan sombong." That was my advice to my boys when they left home for school and now, university and college.

Who could forget the introduction to my first formal class? I had to teach upper forms i.e. forms 4 and 5. It was a large school of over a thousand students. I was the form teacher of this form 4 class. When I checked the register, there were two young men who were older than me! I was 22 at that time. They were already 23 years old!!!! They were Sabahans. Imagine I had to teach someone who was older than me! I was definitely embarassed and they were also quite uncomfortable with me being their form teacher. The reason, I found out later, was because they could not be promoted to the next form because they failed their hafalan or SMA (Sijil Menengah Agama). This school had a stringent and extensive exam system - you started with PMR in form 3, SMA in form 4, SPM in form 5, STAM in Lower 6 and finally the STP in Upper 6. It's exams all year round. Besides that you had to pass your hafalan at every form - Surah Yaasin, Surah Kahfi, Surah Al-Mulk...etc. Most of the students were from around Kelantan, south Thailand, Brunei, Sabah and Sarawak. When I first came, English was 0%. They had no trained English teachers. Most of them were uztaz and uztazah who returned after studying in Egypt, Jordan, Iraq, Indonesia or other Middle East countries. The academic teachers were those who taught based on their qualifications. Nobody was from a teaching college. Everybody was pure Kelantanese and under Yayasan Islam Kelantan.By the first year, I managed to increase English to 12%. When I left, there were already 3 other English trained teachers from the Education Ministry.

 My batch was the first batch of teacher trainees sent to all state Agama schools. The Ministry planned to take over their education system. We were sent to Kelantan, Terengganu and Pahang. A few of us got back to be posted to their hometown while some of the guys were sent to Sarawak. Thus, the school had no record or files on us. The state education department was in charge of us and our salary. When I first came, I was the only one. Second year came cikgu Syed, a BM trained teacher, single and slightly older than me. The school tried to match make us to the extent they printed a wedding card! It was a scary joke! He was a nice, quiet guy but I was just not interested! They left me alone when Mudir Nordin (the Principal) said that he had someone in mind. I could only pleaded with them to leave me alone. It did not help that by this time, Nani had got married to Wan and transferred to Kota Bharu. Yah was also getting married and leaving Pasir Mas. They were very nice but I did not think I would survive living in Kelantan. My mind would be so stifled. I would be so oppressed and suffocated. This was when I started to really work hard at getting my transfer out.

Besides school, I was introduced to Golok courtesy of Lat, my house mate. We did not have any passports to cross the border to Thailand legally. So, we followed the local folks via sampan. It was only 3 kok or 30 sen. It was like a 10 minute journey crossing Golok river and reached the back streets of Golok. To get to the town, we had to ride pillion on motorbikes (Honda cup). We sat like how Saloma sat in P. Ramlee's movies. Side saddled. It was only 5 kok or seamar (50 sen). It was actually very scary because we were separated and they took us along backways and alleyways to reach the town. I meant we could just be taken any where!!! Yet, at that time, maybe we were young and adventurous and of course, naive and had faith in people, we just went along for the ride. Well, I went only twice before I started to get afraid for my own safety. It was interesting now that I recalled it. It's not that we bought anything much there as everything could be found at Rantau Panjang.

What could I remember of the students here? They were disciplined and did not cause much problems. The ones from southern Thailand were fighters for Islam. They came here to study with whatever they had - most of the time they did not have much - with the sole purpose of returning to their homeland and fought for the upraising of Islam dominated state. Maybe they were part of the fighters that were killed by the Thailand army in southern Thailand. I would like to think that they had achieved what they wanted to do.  May their souls rest in peace especially as their fight was for fisabillah. I remembered we made a trip to Cameron Highlands. We went by 2 vans. The Brunei students went along. These students' allowance or scholarship from their country was more than our salary! So, they sponsored some of the others' expenses. Kak Hajar had booked a dorm as it was cheaper at Ringlet. She hosted a barbecue for us at her house at Spelling Horse Station. It was an all boys' trip. It was my first time organizing a trip out of Kelantan. 

I had to teach Sejarah Islam during my years there. I qualified to teach because I sat for that paper in my HSC. :-}  as simple as that. I had to teach Form 6 Usuluddin class. They were all very, very good in their hadis and ayat Quran. When there was a reference to an ayat or hadis, they would recite for me. I really studied this subject! I would have gotten an 'A' for this paper if I had to resit. :-)  They challenged me by answering their exam in Jawi. I surprised them by reading their answer scripts in class. :-D It was a disappointment to them as they could not pull their prank on me. Oh yes, even though they were agama students, yet they were just normal kids. They brought a frog and put in nicely in a box as a teachers' day present. I would never forget this incident. I HATE SLIMY CREATURES!!!! The school practised public caning. During my 5 years there, only one case of public caning was carried out. The teachers caught a boy playing truant and ran away from school. He was brought up during assembly and uztaz Mohamad (surprisingly I could recall his name) executed the caning. I hated it. I could still hear the sound of the cane hitting the boy's backside. Three strokes. I refused to acknowledge capital punishment. That boy became one of the best students of the school in later years. I was thankful that there were no more such punishment during my teaching there.

I was the library teacher and set up a maktabah or library with Nani. I was also part of the exam department team. The coach and manager for the girls' volleyball team. The school's environment was not rigid or suffocating. It was just what you would expect of any other government schools. I had fun getting used to the life here. In a way, it helped me to forget my grief and heart aches. It healed me. It taught me humility and respect for the students here. With so little financial resources, they still managed to pursue their dreams. I learned to make do with whatever I had. I learned about respect and being respected. I learned to avoid relationships and hurting other people. I learned being responsible for myself and not be so naive. Yet, most of all I learned humility. I learned to return kindness and love. I learned simplicity as a way of life. I learned to adjust, adapt and adopt. This helped me in getting used to the life in Kedah after I got married. I learned to be grateful for my 5 years there. It helped to shape me into a simple and humble person. Part of what I am now is credited to my five years there. Thank you, ya Allah, that in my fate, you put me there. My life had become richer because of that. Alhamdulillah.

Tiring but satisfying weekend!

It was a nice weekend. Noisy, busy, tiring yet happy.

Last Thursday, 28th of June, was a holiday for me as we had Sports day on Wednesday. So, since Ikram said he could go home that weekend, I decided to go and pick him up. I told Omayah that I would pick up Aiman, her son too. That was the plan. That night I called Ikram and he said his 3 friends would like to come along.That meant 5 passengers. My car is a sedan so that means only 5 including the driver. Thus, I called Omayah and suggested that I took her car instead. Besides, the car was just sitting idle at the car park. She easily agreed. My excuse was so that Aiman would not feel so shy as this would be the first time he was on his own with me alone. Alhamdulillah, dipermudahkan.

So, on the said day, I went to Omayah's office and switched cars. Hers was an MPV - a Nissan Grand Livina. I had never done this in my whole life i.e. borrowed somebody's car. Driving an unfamiliar car although it is also auto. Thus, with my faith in Allah, and Omayah's faith in me, I drove her car to Changlun which was a 40 minutes drive. It was smooth sailing and I liked the car. While waiting for the boys who had a last minute mentor programme, 2 boys passed me by. Suddenly, one of them stopped in his tracks. A handsome, attractive young man looked at me and gave me a happy smile. I returned his smile although puzzled as to who he was. Then, he came nearer and called me teacher. Okay...he was not familiar which meant he was not from my school. He introduced himself. He said I had taught him before when he was in Form 2. I smiled broadly recalling that time when he mentioned the name of his school. That was way back in 2008! I did my practical for one month there for my ICT course. It was only for a month yet he could still remember me. How sweet! :-)  He was only 14 at that time. Now he is 18 years old. He said he could still remember "Phantom of the Opera" their Form 2 literature which I taught. I am honoured and touched that I had left an impact on his young life. Alhamdulillah.When the boys came, he left me. He was also a student and in the same course with Aiman. It left me feeling good with myself. It's always nice to be remembered and appreciated even with just a "hello". :-)

I told Aiman to drive his mother's car so that he would feel like I was taking a lift from him. Surprisingly, along the way to Alor Setar, the boys and I had so much fun. We got to know each other and talked our way to Alor Setar. Even though Aiman and Ikram were not in the same course and had never talked directly to each other, all of us broke the ice and laughed over our conversation. We reached Alor Setar and I handed over Aiman and the car to Omayah in one piece. I took the boys out for tea which was bubur pulut hitam and ABC. Ikram suggested they tried bubur gandum but they refused. Haziq is Ikram's roomate in college while Wan and Zul were SDARIANs, Ikram's former school. They were a friendly lot and got along fine with me. Most of the time I left them on their own. That night, we went to a night market and bought dinner since they wanted to try Kedahan food. Noor was still in Jerantut so the boys felt at home with "aunty". They bought the usual ayam percik, laksam, nasi lemak, yong tau foo...Later at almost 10pm, Ikram asked if he could take the car and went gallivanting. My car???? Ikram on his own driving???? I guess I'll just had to have faith and let him. They went out for supper of char kuey teow. Yes, I was worried until I finally heard the car around midnight.  :-D

They watched the Euro semi final match between Germany and Italy. Noor arrived around 3:00am and Ikram went to pick him up in town. He joined the boys but Ikram's friends were shy so they went to sleep. The next morning, after I went for my morning walk, I started to prepare lunch. It was no point preparing breakfast as they finally went to sleep after Subuh prayers. I prepared rice, masak lemak ayam cili api, udang goreng kunyit, ikan bawal sweet sour and vegetable. The best part was when they sat down to lunch and looked at the dishes, they smiled broadly and exclaimed - "Sedapnya!" I just smiled and watched them eat to their hearts' content. After Jumaat prayers, we went to town and I left them to their own devices while I went off and settled my errands. Dinner was mee hoon with soup tulang. Hmmm...I hope I fed them well. In between meals, they finished off the ice cream (cornetto and magnum), chocolates, cakes, packet drinks and even the apples!!!! That night Ikram took them out again and enjoyed Alor Setar.

Saturday started with me attending my tafakkur ad-din class. I had prepared fried rice or recycled rice for them and pancakes for Noor since I cooked extra masak lemak ayam cili api. When I returned after my class which was almost noon, nobody had got up yet. Oh dear! trust these boys!!!! So, the whole ritual of waking and getting them out of bed. Telling them to start taking their bath was like telling the cat to go swimming!  They pushed each other, rolled deeper into the comforter and generally felt very much at home with me.  :-D  Well, I told them I was going for the wedding at my neighbour's house. When I told them to eat first since everybody was so reluctant to take their bath....immediately they got up!!!! Hmmm...Typical of boys!. By the time I returned from the wedding and after Zohor prayers, we finally got out from the house. It was almost 3:00pm. We dropped by Pizza Hut for hi-tea. I was glad to get the opportunity to welcome and entertain Ikram's friends. I was also glad to note that they felt very much at home and comfortable with me. I always made an effort to get to know their friends. Akmal had Poyo and Afiq who usually came during Ramadhan since they were at UiTM Arau in Perlis. Finally, we left for Matrik college at 4:30pm. Ikram drove, this time more confident, quite fast. I just kept quiet and observed him. When we reached his college - "Today was quite fast, Ma." My reply was - "At 120kph...what do you expect. Try not to do so next time okay? It was a 90km limit." He just grinned and I kissed him goodbye and a good week ahead. I hope the boys had as much fun spending the weekend with me as I had with them. Then, the slow journey home...alone with my own thoughts...at my own speed and pace. Home...until Akmal arrives.  :-)

Iced lemon tea - our refreshing drink for the meal.

Ikram's choice - chicken cheese roll

Zul's choice - King tempura spaghetti

Wan's choice - fettucine with meat ball

Haziq's choice - baked beef meatballs

Touching yet fulfilling (taken from i'm muslim and i'm proud facebook)

This story humbled me as a teacher and educator. I hope that in my 28 years of teaching I had somehow or rather gave hope, believed in and had faith in the thousands of students that passed through my teaching and became someone worthy not only to himself, but to his parents and society. This is especially for those in the last classes where most teachers just gave up on them.  

A TOUCHING STORY

Ahmed was 11 years old when his mother (a single mom) dropped him off for his first Qirat lesson. I prefer that students (especially boys!) begin at an earlier age, which I explained to
Ahmed. But Ahmed said that it had always been his mother's dream to hear him recite the Quran. So I took him as a student. Well, Ahmed began with his Qirat lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor. As much as he tried, he lacked the sense of reading and failed to recognize the alphabets.

 But he dutifully read the Quran that I require all my students to learn. Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him. At the end of each weekly lesson he'd always say, "My mom's going to hear me recite someday." But it seemed hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability. I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Ahmed off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled but never stopped in.

Then one day Ahmed stopped coming to our lessons. I thought about calling him but assumed, because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming. He was a bad advertisement for my teaching! Several weeks later I mailed to the student's homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. To my surprise Ahmed (who received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify. He said that his mom had been sick and unable to take him to Qirat lessons but he was still practicing. "Miss ... I've just got to recite!" he insisted. I don't know what led me to allow him to participate in the recital. Maybe it was his persistence or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would be all right.

The night for the recital came. The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends and relatives. I put Ahmed up last in the program before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my "curtain" Well, the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing and it showed. Then Ahmed came up on stage. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he'd run an eggbeater through it. "Why didn't he dress up like the other students?" I thought. "Why didn't his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?" He began. I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Surah- Al Kahf. I was not prepared for what I heard next. His voice was light and soft. His recitals were perfect! Never had I heard a recital so well by a person his age. After six and a half minutes he ended .

Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Ahmed in joy. "I've never heard like that Ahmed! How'd you do it?" Through the microphone Ahmed explained: "Well Shaykh...remember I told you my mom was sick? Well, actually she had cancer and passed away this morning. And well....she was born deaf so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special." There wasn't a dry eye in the house that evening. As the people from Social Services led Ahmed from the stage to be placed into foster care, I noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy and I thought to myself how much richer my life had been for taking Ahmed as my pupil. ... He was the teacher and I was the pupil. For it is he that taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a chance in someone and you don't know why.

Just another hard day at work ... :-D

Aww...just another day at the computer when the server is as slow as a slow loris..:-{ ..

Oh well...what the heck! Let's just have a shut eye...the calls can wait.

Oh great!!!! What have I done NOW!!!! Don't say I have eliminate people again!!! NOT AGAIN!!! :-{

I choose to be what I want to be.

Sometimes, life can be cruel. Yet, in its cruelty, I find there is always kindness if you only take a deep look at yourself. Life is never fair, they say, yet .... if you ponder over it long enough, you will realize how fair life actually is. So, after solat in the middle of the night, all you can do is just take a deep breath and through the fast flowing tears, all you can do is have faith and believe that it is for the best. Thus, you can face tomorrow with a smile and believe that everything will work out by itself. Don't bear grudges, have no regrets and look at life positively. It is up to you. I CHOOSE TO LIVE MY LIFE AND IT IS UP TO ME HOW I WANT TO LIVE. Just leave it to Allah, the Most compassionate and merciful.