A Wish ....

When I heard that my mother in-law was hospitalised in Melaka, I knew I wanted to go back. It is a commitment from me as the daughter in-law. Noor was in JB for a course. My sons were in their respective universities. I did not know where the courage came from to decide to drive alone from Alor Setar to Melaka which would take about 7 hours. All I knew I wanted to do it. I wanted to challenge myself if I dared enough to do it. Maybe it was obligation, commitment or responsibility but I wanted to. My old friend used to tell me that his youngest sister always travelled from Kuala Terengganu to Kuala Lumpur alone along Karak Highway. So, why not I ?? ;-}

 Although it was not quite safe to drive alone on the highway, I decided to just do it with Allah as my Protector. The petrol tank was full, the Touch&Go card was reloaded so I did not have to make any unnecessary stop along the highway, this would be my first time driving along the highway alone.

Ever had the feeling of driving alone? I loved being alone and driving on my own. How do I describe the feeling? I have always driven alone but within Kedah/Penang area. This was my first time driving alone on the highway to Melaka. Noor would only give permission if I had someone else with me. I used to drive with the boys when they were as young as 2 years old. I think over the years he has learned to let me do whatever I want to do for the good of others. He has also learned that it is always better if he gives his blessings instead of restraining me or stopping me. I know that he would appreciate it if I go back to visit his mother who is everything to him. Besides, Noor is also a friend. My return would make his mother feel that she was important enough for me to visit her. If I could make everybody happy, why not huh???  :-))

While I was driving along the highway and saw miles and miles stretched in front of me ..... I wished I could just go on and on and on ...... to nowhere, anywhere ..... somewhere .... away from the responsibilities, obligations, commitments ..... but it was only a wish ....:-)) . Reality hit me on the face when I saw the exit to my destination ..... Yet hang on to the wish because by the grace of Allah, wishes do come true. One day .....  :-D))  Someone once told me - Be careful of what you wish for. It may just come true ......

I say a little prayer ....

What makes a patient so cheerful despite the fact that she is facing an impending surgery the next day compare to another who is so alone, down and just staring into space? What happens in that mind especially the one that is always active, organised and disciplined?

I had just returned from a visit to the Cardiac Intensive Unit at Sultanah Bahiyah's hospital in Alor Setar. I went to visit Hamid's mother in-law who was admitted to the CIU last night. I expected to find a fragile, petite old lady looking sickly. Instead, masyAllah, she looked so cheerful and happy to be surrounded by so many visitors. Noor and I entered the ward without any special pass. Only two are allowed in at a time. Noor just walked in confidently without anybody stopping him. I just followed. ... :-))  There we found Mala, my sister in-law with Mak Cik. She happily greeted us and there I was, teasing her and making jokes to get her laughing and smiling happily. She wanted to tell us what had happened last night when she fell unconscious at her youngest daughter's house with whom she was staying now. Luckily her son in-law is a doctor with the hospital. Since we did not have to use the pass, we stayed for almost an hour while the other children, grandchildren and relatives took turns to come and see her.... ;-}

We knew Mak Cik and got to know her when we always made it a point to visit her during Hari Raya. Her house at Titi Haji Idris was deep in from the  main road and in the middle of acres and acres of padi fields. Hamid used to say that the height and size of the house could accommodate three large lorries...:=D))  When Hamid was advised by the doctor to get out of the city and learned how to breathe (half of his lungs were badly affected by TB), this was where he went for almost 2 years to recuperate and rehabilitate. He used to wake up at 4:00 am and just breathed in the fresh air. Since we did not have any relatives here, Mak Cik became our auntie. Another one whom we are close to is Zeti's mother or Kifli's mother in-law whom we call Mak Lang, who lives in Kuala Nerang. We went to visit her last week as she had also undergone an angioplasty too.

Mak Cik was so happy because she considered it a blessing that Allah had given her this trial in her late life. Due to this condition, all her 9 children came back along with grand children who were not having classes or other commitments. She was so cheerful and talking so much I was afraid of the reading on her monitor which was so erratic !!!!  I was afraid for her as if she was my mother. Tomorrow, she will undergo a surgery to insert a balloon catheter into her heart. She is in her 70's.

I was just making a comparison with the condition of my own brother, Abang, who had been warded since last December for a heart bypass, lung infection, throat infection and lately for diabetes. He has an adopted son as he has no children of his own, who has just started his new job being a fresh graduate. My sister in-law is also facing her own health issues. Thus, Abang only has a male personal nurse whom the family hires to take care of him and keep him company 24 hours a day ( 2 nurses on 12 hours shift ). He is lonely. I could see his loneliness and aloneness. Abang used to be an active person with his Pondok Jenderam project, his ceramah, organising talks here and there, entertaining foreign visitors to his Pondok, in fact he was a very busy man. He was always surrounded by people. He had never been warded and he was always fine for a man his age. In fact the first thing my sister in-law did was to keep his mobile phone at home upon doctor's advice as he was always making and receiving calls. Now he could only whisper hoarsely. I wanted to stay and keep him company but I could not as I live here and he is in HUKM KL. Even though he is my half-brother (my father's first wife), he is still my brother. I make it a point to visit him whenever I go down to KL.

Two very close people in my life. Almost the same situation. Both had never been warded before this. Both had heart problems. Both were in their 70's. One is so cheerful and surrounded by so many people who love her. While the other, so lonely with only occasional visits now from his siblings as everybody is busy. Both are so accepting of their trails and tribulations. One can see the patience and the pain. What we can do is to learn from them how to accept this with grace and an open heart that with these trials and tribulations, we are able to redeem ourselves of our past sins and wrong doings. I can only pray for both them "May Allah grant them patience, strength and the tenacity to face this. Not alone but with much love from all those near and dear." Aamiin.

CHIJ Food Carnival 2014

I found out about the carnival in the facebook while searching for anything of my old alma mater - Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus. My old friend had a reunion of the 1978 batch. It evoked nostalgic feelings of the old, happy, innocent and naive school days. We did not know what were heartaches, disappointments, betrayals, broken promises, frustrations ... what we knew was the worth and value of friends.

I found the page of SMK Infant Jesus Convent and read that they were busy preparing for this food carnival. I had not returned to school since the last reunion dinner back in 1990 with Maureen and my cliques of friends. Since I would be in Malacca on the 1st June, I thought it would be fun to to go and see what had happened to the old school that shaped and made me into what I am now. I was in that school for 13 years - from Form 1 until Form 6. I had been taught and educated by the Irish nuns whom were kind, warm-hearted but very firm and disciplined. Thus, I contacted Nooraini who also happened that she would be back to Melaka that Sunday. We tried others but they had other commitments.

On the said day, I went to pick Nooraini up at her mother's house and proceeded to our old school. Traffic was congested and we were directed to park at our primary school just across the road. Once we stepped out at the familiar but so different primary school, we felt so much at home. We started to wander into the school grounds and recalled our classes, the summer house which was no more, the walls of the Standard One class that protected us from the sea....it's now reclaimed land....the big tree was chopped down... we walked towards the old hall. Our Standard 6 class. The dental clinic was still there. The chapel was still there but it was repainted white and grey instead of the brownish brick colour. We asked permission from the security guard if we could take a peek. She was kind enough to let us take our nostalgic walk through the school grounds. We went to see the statue of Mary and Jesus which was still preserved at the back of the school. It felt like "coming home" due to the old buildings and although it was much developed with new blocks, better landscaping ... the feeling of being there from 1968 to 1973 ... I supposed we were just feeling nostalgic. We even wore the old Convent uniform with the box pleats. It had to be starched and ironed. We had to learn to sit without making any creases or wrinkles on our uniform. We were glad when we had to change to the present primary school uniform in Standard Five, I think. It was 41 years ago since we left this school. We recalled the religious class at the back of the school near Mary's statue. There were so few Malays then. All of us from Standard 1 to 6 had classes together. I missed the sisters who helped into disciplining us and taught us English, courtesy, compassion .... and most of all the spirit of volunteerism.

CHIJ Primary School - this block leads to the sea - there was a flight of stairs leading to the beach which is now reclaimed land as can be seen of the tall building behind it.

The old hall where we used to have our assembly. Across it was a small playground and a very large tree where I used to wait for my father who would come during recess to bring my food

The dentist - put the fear in most of us ....:-))

After that we crossed over to our secondary school It was 34 years ago (we left the school in 1980 after Form 6)  1974 - when we walked into this school as Form 1 students. The old bridge which joined the two schools was no more. I used to do prefect's duty on that bridge. We were greeted by the sound of the school band which was welcoming Sister Agnes to officiate the Heritage room. Nooraini, who was a band girl, recalled the years she was in the band under the guidance of Sister Alexis, a very motherly nun. Of course almost all the sisters had departed. God bless their souls. Sister Alexis used to teach Homescience aka sewing, cooking and personal hygiene. We used to go to her cookery room and prepared sandwiches for the poor students during recess. We learned how to make sardine rolls and scones. Then in Form Four when we moved from Homescience to Pure Science class (Nooraini) and me in Literature class, we spent less time in her cookery room. I recalled the hospital visits during Christmas as a volunteer. Of course we recalled the teachers and other sisters who put the fear of discipline in us .... ;-0))))  

The old hall which was well-maintained. The hall witnessed a lot of talent time shows, Teachers' Day shows, orientation for Form Sixes, assemblies, competitions ..... :-}

The welcoming reception of the school band. Where the uniform used to be white, skirt shorter and socks longer - their uniforms now are skirts longer and socks shorter and red in colour - Nooraini reminisced  

One of the very few remaining nuns - Sister Agnes - who officiated the opening of Heritage Room - it used to be the office

We walked around the school amidst the crowd - walking down memory lane along the corridor of our classes, the incidents there ... the school was totally different now although the old blocks of buildings were still retained. They had built a new double storey block  which now blocked the view of Malacca High School. Half of the old field which stretched towards Bukit China was taken over by developers. All you could see was the roofs of houses. It was much smaller with more buildings and closed up view. We entered the Heritage Room when there was less crowd. It used to be the office and next to it was our Co-op where we sold chocolates, sweets and stationery. It was here that we finally met some of our batch. It was especially heartwarming when the 1978 Head Girl, Chua Seoh Eng, could still recall who Nooraini was. They were the band girls. She could recall her name and the instrument she played. We talked for a while but finally got out of the room as the crowd swelled.

Part of the field at the end of the school from the second floor. One can see part of Malacca Haigh School ...

Our Form 4 and 5 block - it used to be Form 5A1 (Literature) and the Form 5 Science classes and the round floor were the Form 4s

The new block built with fund-raising money which blocked the clear view of Malacca High School

The crowd at the Food Carnival - it was a success...

We finally left about noon. We carried and lived up to the school's motto - "Simple in Virtue, Strong in my Duty" - whoever we had become now was shaped by the love, discipline, caring and virtue of the nuns, teachers, friends, school mates .... I hope the new generation of IJC, as it is now known, will carry the good name of the school into their personal and professional lives.

Book Voucher Part 2

These are the books bought with Syafiq's book voucher of RM250. Even though there is a new ruling that only academic books and non- fiction books can be bought, the book store was lenient enough to accommodate certain books. We were not allowed to buy stationery and magazines. That was fine by me. So, Syafiq and I spent more than an hour choosing books that would make his mother happy.

More ideas to experiment ... ;-D))

Since I have to teach this level, might as well get some books for reference... ;-{

Only for women .... self-inspiration and motivation

May I become a better Muslim ...insyaAllah...;-))

Now I have enough books for the year  .... 

What We Want to Leave Behind Is ....

We do not have the privilege to know how much time we have left on this earth. Only Allah knows. Every time we leave the house does not mean we will return later. Anything can happen. We have heard of so many stories where one just does not return home. Accidents. Unexpected incidents. Being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Heart attacks. We see each other in the morning before we leave does not mean we will see each other at the end of the day. Scary huh? Yet how true ....

Rokiah, a staff, went to the market with her husband a few weekends ago. Along the way her husband was having difficulty breathing. She quickly stopped at a petrol station nearby for help. They called the ambulance but her husband had already collapsed. He died on the way to the hospital. She came home a single mother of 4 children......terrifying and shocking. He had a heart attack in his fifties.

A friend went to the bank to see an officer regarding her banking matters. She was ushered to the room of the officer. She called out her greeting and expected the officer to acknowledge her. Besides, she had seen him a few times before to settle her banking matters. When he did not respond with his head on his shoulders, she called out to an officer outside who came in and discovered him already dead of a heart attack. He was in his forties and had just come back from lunch ....what a shock for his family when the bank called them.

I was walking towards one of the shopping complexes here when I saw a crowd near a bank walkway. Being curious aka "kepoh" I joined in the crowd to find out what had happened. A man was lying on the corridor motionless. Somebody had called the ambulance. When I asked the crowd around me I was told that the man just collapsed suddenly and he was alone. He died on that corridor. He never returned home ...

Finally ...the late Karpal Singh. He did not make the journey home to his family....

"And what you want to leave behind is people to remember you with love ..." look at all the accolades written about Karpal Singh. People remembered him with fond memories...nobody mentioned anything bad about him. Thus, when I leave this world, I hope people whether known or unknown, will remember me with love ....for what I have done and somehow touched their lives in my own small, insignificant way.

Hence, whatever you want to do, need to do, wherever you want to go .... just do it when you feel the time and circumstances are right ... when you feel it is the right thing to do at that moment of time ...
do not procrastinate. We have wasted enough time when we were younger and busy with our career, children, family, friends that we often neglect ourselves and giving back to society. Do good, expect nothing in return ..... let people remember us with love and fond thoughts even though we have done unspeakable things too ... to err is human after all.