Carrot Walnut Cake ... ;=D))

Akmal is home. Just as when any of the boys are home for their semester break, I will fill up the fridge with their favourite food and snacks, usually home made... :-))

Since I have a pot luck at my staff room to welcome the school holidays, I decided to try the carrot cake just to bring something different. As Akmal ate anything even with vegetables, so I was game to try again this cake which I tried a couple of years ago. This time I wanted to try the cheese topping. So, this was the result ....

The slice carrot walnut cake with the messy cheese topping ...

I honestly did not like the cheese topping because it would not harden like the ones from the bakery. So, when the staff ate it and I asked for comments especially from the ERT teachers, they said if I wanted to harden it, I have to add gelatine. Oh well, they said it was nice but I was not satisfied .... so I think I will not try it again ... ;-0))   Besides .... nobody is home when Akmal goes off at the end of the month .... and the other two guys do not like anything with vegetable in it ....

Trifle Pudding ... :-))

Well, another successful experiment .... I came across this recipe when I wanted to make something different for Noor's birthday. So, I tried and made this because he and Ikram loved desserts. Then, I tried and modified it and made it into small, individual containers so that it was easier for me to give to others ... as usual.... ;-))

Thus, I added in the mix fruit cocktail juice and squeezed in a bit of lemon into the jelly so that the pudding was a balance of sweet and sour taste. It was scrumptious ... and I have given them to other friends to share them .... what we like is doubly satisfying if it is shared ... simple philosophy in life.

Individual containers so that it is easier to give away and to be eaten ....

The upside down pudding - just to show the layers of swiss roll cake, custard, mix fruit cocktail and jelly ....

It is best eaten chilled, of course. The guys love it. Those who have the honour of testing it also love it especially the blend of sweet and sour taste..... :-))  makes me feel good as so many have enjoyed this simple but special pudding. You can easily get the recipe from the internet. This is definitely another in the list of comfort food .... cooling, sweet and sour, delicious and comforting.... yummy ...

Since Akmal is home, there is somebody who wants to eat all these desserts. Thus, he eats one everyday. There's the almond rocher chocolates. All made by mummy dearest ... :-))  He has said that he wants 4 bottles (100 pieces) of cookies to bring back for his buddies in KK. Yet, he is complaining that he is getting fat ..... hmmm... mum is at fault !!!!

The Notebook - Nicholas Sparks

It is such a beautiful touching book. Written in simple, conversational dialogue right from the heart. It touches my heart and soul. I read it and I felt for Allie and Noah. It crossed my mind of my complicated situation - "What if ...?" 

Do such deep, undying love still exist? Allie and Noah fell deeply in love one summer. She was 15 years old and Noah was seventeen. They were separated due to status in the society. Over the years, what she did not know was Noah wrote to her letters every day for a year. When she never replied, Noah wrote one last letter professing his deep love for her. Allie, on the other hand, thought that Noah was just playing with her emotions and made used of her. The letters were taken and hidden by her mother. She waited for almost 14 years before decided to accept a marriage proposal. The war separated them with Noah enlisted in action and Allie volunteered as a nurse at a war camp. When Allie saw an article on Noah's house, she decided to return and close this chapter of her life before she got married in 3 weeks time. Noah never got married. 

When they finally met up, all they discovered was the reality that they had never stopped loving each other. Her fiancee came to confront her and she had to make a choice. Choosing Noah would hurt and embarrassed her family, society and status as she was from the higher caste. She would be giving up living the luxury life she was used to, her status in her society confirmed with the marriage to an old family and her family would be a notch higher in the caste system of the south. She would be safe but dull, boring and half alive. Choosing her fiancee meant she would be giving up her love and her dreams. Noah made her feel alive, excited, comfortable, content and her dreams to be a painter supported and encouraged. 

Her mother came and gave her all the letters that Noah had written. She chose to read the last letter. Her mother gave her parting words - "Follow your heart."  She thought she heard wrong because her mother was the one who was really status-conscious. Allie finally chose Noah and gave up everything. They led a happy, beautiful life of for 45 years. Until she was diagnosed with the early stages of Alzheimer's.

Thus, began the notebook. They wrote about their feelings, what they had gone through together, their love, their children .... all their lives ... before she started to forget. Allie booked them into a Home together. Noah was also starting to have acute athritis and rheumatoid of the fingers. He was also suffering from cancer. When she started to become worse with the disease and her memory no longer served her, Noah began reading to her the notebook everyday. He spent all his time with her and only went back to his room at night. She thrived and sometimes remembered. The Home loved their love story. When doctors were baffled by her stable condition, the nurses believed that their love sustained her. For two years he read to her about their life although she did not even know who he was. Yet they were compatible and content in each other's company.

Finally, when Noah had a stroke and was hospitalised, he fought back the pain by keeping the memory of Allie to pull him back so that he could still be by Allie's side and reading their live's story to her. One night, he sneaked into Allie's room, sat by the bed and held her hand. Noah also hoped that he would be the last to go so that Allie would not be alone .... they died still holding hands ...

I had a good cry and felt warm inside. What if at that time of my life .... if I had confronted "him" when he was engaged to be married, would he had chosen Allie's path? Did "he" love me enough to throw everything away? It was an arranged marriage. Disregarding it would be a shame on his family and his fiancee. No, I don't think "he" would do that. Responsibility and commitment constraint one's choices in life. It was just meant to be ... life has already been dictated by Allah.

Wouldn't it be so sweet if we had a love that could sustain us physically, emotionally and mentally? A love where we could not bear even the thought of being apart? A love sustained and gained over the years? A love where both understood each other that no words were needed? 

Yet, in this world and society of ours, we accept. We lived and made the best of the situation. We love our partners as they have gone through a lot with us. Love NOT in love. Hence, the emptiness is there. The loneliness is there. The acceptance makes life bearable. At the end of the day, we realise that some people are meant to live in our hearts but not in our lives .....

Another year older ... :-}}

Contentment. Kindness. Acceptance. Grateful. Letting go. Bidding farewell. Most of all feeling blessed. That is what I am feeling at this moment of my life. Blessed by the Almighty Allah. Blessed with so much abundance and love. Shielded from hate and envy. Consideration and compassion. Empathy and sympathy.

On this birth day, where actually our lives are shortened and not prolonged, I am counting my blessings and grateful for every little things that cross my path of living. For every thing which makes my life easier. For every thoughtfulness and kindness bestowed upon me and my family. For every trials and tests faced with given patience and strength. For every love that can be felt but not touched. For every tear that is kissed away. For every hug that comforts. For every meeting that binds the relationship and friendship. For every farewell that promises of future meet ups. For every pain that soothes the soul. For every breath that is given daily. For a good night's sleep. For every thing that I do that helps others. "Which of the favours you deny Allah?" (Surah ar-Rahman)

I hope in the course of this year, I have done my bit of spreading and giving kindness to every single creature of Allah's creation whether big or small. Whether human or otherwise. I have become more patient. I hope I have become more giving. I hope to be a much a better person than I am today. InsyaAllah. I hold on to this adage - "If I am able to make another's life easier, why wouldn't I?"  Even if it is only through my smile, gestures or actions.

So, this birthday is a day of being kind. being grateful and feeling blessed. Alhamdulillah. I guess being in such a melancholic and nostalgic mood is due to the rain. I love the rain .... :-))  Thus, hoping today is a blessed and meaningful day ....

Finally, at the end of the day, I hope I have done what should be done ... I have not hurt others intentionally or otherwise .... I have done what good unto others as I would like others do good unto me ... I have apologised for all the wrongs that I cannot make right ... I have fulfilled promises made ... I have loved those who loved me .... I have not hated anyone with such resentment .... I hope I have been a good servant, a follower, wife, mother, sister, friend, colleague, staff, acquaintance and stranger..... :-))

"Oh. It's November."

I love this picture. Especially the caption. "Oh." It comes with a full stop. Not a comma as the usual punctuation used after an expression. Not even an exclamation mark. Or a question mark. But a full stop. A definition. A finality. A quiet surprise. Not a happy surprise. Not a shocking surprise. Not even an unpleasant one. Just an accepting, awakening expression. "It's November."

My month to reflect and look back at the past ten months of 2014. Perhaps with a lot of smiles. Maybe a few tears and sorrow. Could be with a tinge of regret. Or frustrations. Desperation. Hopes. Dreams. ..... I have another 11 days to do some soul-searching and deep reflection of myself. My life. My hopes. My dreams. My wishes for the next year .... if I am given another year.

So, it is November.... after the grouses, moans, groans, despair .... albeit the tears and sorrow ... interspersed with smiles, laughter, jokes and grins .... let us pray and hope Allah will grace me with a much relaxed count down to my "day" .... ;-)) 

Thus, November, I welcome you with an open heart, mind, soul and outstretched hands ...  ;-))