I Shall Do Nothing ...

"What are you going to do?" ... "What are your plans?" ..... "Do you intend to do anything?" ....

The questions that I got after colleagues found out that I had applied to opt out before my actual retirement date. Why did I do it?..... What finally made me decided to go for it?.... What about my long term plans? ....  Why should I answer any of them??????

I had studied for almost 19 years - 13 years in school, 3 years in college and 3 years in university. I had worked, including this year, for 31 years. I had taught and educated thousands of students. I had taught in 4 states. I had met numerous colleagues and staff. I had gone through experiences that only came through living them. I had matured beyond my years. I had been wiser due to these exposures, heartaches, hard life, little amenities and facilities. I had met lovely people whom I would always treasure, simple people who taught me life is actually what you made of it, people who were spiteful and vengeful, people who went out of their way to help and made life a lot easier, people who trusted you with their secrets, people who made your life miserable and a heart ache ..... people of such diversity and characters .... people whom you loved and embraced into your life .... and people whom you loathed and loved to hate ... but life is too short to hate and be bitter. Just let it go, smile and move one. Leave the miseries behind ....

Thus, my answer to those well-meaning questions are - I want to do nothing. I may not have another 31 years. So much I want to do and explore. My health is much at stake now. I am financially sufficient. My needs are few and my wants are minimal. Hence, if my application is approved, insyaAllah, I want to take one day at a time. Make everyday a meaningful day of doing nothing and everything. Take life easy after years of pressure and stress. Not rush through anything. My prayer is simply for a slow, relaxed life doing more for my Creator and less for my human counterparts and worldly goals. May my simple wish be granted with your prayers for me, too. Aamiin.

Justified Break ... ;-)

Kak Haj called that she would be in Ipoh for Abang Zul's check-up and the children, Shaun and Nadia, had taken leave to be with them. They had booked an apartment near the hospital until Friday. She invited me over to spend the night there. The invitation could not have come at a much needed time. We last met during Hari Raya Puasa break. I needed a break from whatever was suffocating me here. I went with Ikram as Noor was busy. We also called up Izwan and his family for dinner. Thus, we had a mini northern zone gathering. It was just the therapy I needed. To be among people whom I trusted, loved and listened to my predicament without being judgmental. Alhamdulillah for such blessings ...

The most interesting part of our gathering was discovering the River Walk which was just opposite the apartment - Kinta RiverFront Hotel and Suites. We took a walk after dinner at the bistro next to the hotel. Alothough Izwan lived in Tanjong Rambutan and Kak Hajar was a frequent visitor to Ipoh, they did not realise the existence of this tourist jaunt. It was a surprise find to visit the tin museum at night and free plus the art gallery where incredibly highly talented drawings were displayed. Just enjoy the photos below....

The River Walk view from the balcony of the apartment in the morning

And how it illuminates and light up at night .... spectacular

The plaque at the foot of the bridge to cross over the river - declaring the place open - it was very dark so it was not so clear

A view from the side of the river walk

The entrance into the tin museum - it was free of charge

The art gallery - we enjoyed and appreciated the talents of the artists ... 

Where we had dinner together - okay laahh ... 

It was a much needed break after almost four months of not going anywhere since I had to take over supervising the shop. Kak Hajar and I talked the night away and I poured my miseries to her. I knew she would just listen, console me, give her wise perspective to my predicament and assure me that somehow things would come out fine. InsyaAllah ... A tight hug and a willing ear were good antidotes. Thank you Allah ... such a short overnight visit but made me return whole and somehow much at peace with myself. Alhamdulillah ....

Everything Happens For A Reason ...;-((

SILENCE SPEAKS A THOUSAND WORDS .... :-((

2015 - Be Kind To Me ... :-}}

29th January 2015

It's almost a month of 2015. I have neglected my blog for quite some time due to time constraint, commitments and obligations. It's almost 3 weeks of school and I am still trying to get settled into the usual routine. I am just feeling so tired out and my heart is no longer in it. The passion has fizzled out and I am still trying to catch my breath and find the drive that makes me an educator.

Well ... 2014 was full of surprises, adapting and modifying my life. The whole of the year end break was committed to supervise the shop in Noor's absence. After almost 3 months of it, I did not think I had the cut to be a "boss". I just did not have that "giving orders" attitude. In fact, I thought I took orders from the most senior staff. Anyway, I found that it was easier to work together instead of being the leader. We worked together and solved whatever problems came our way together. Thus, it was an enlightening stint but honestly I would not want to go through holding the responsibility again.

2014 was also where my health issues were slightly under control. I managed to strengthen the swollen tissue by doing my walk faithfully during the break. I disciplined myself about it and committed myself to my walk. The foot was much better but my back was still a problem. I suppose it is the "getting old syndrome" .... ;-{ .

2014 - home wise - everything was fine. The boys with their own lives and Noor was doing a 3 month stint as a trainer in Ivory Coast. I found that I enjoyed being alone and on my own where I was responsible only for my own self. I could afford to be selfish for once. I could have control over my meals and time. I was not subjected to anybody's whims and fancy. I had to handle the bills, the shop and house accounts, the boys fees and monthly allowances, house repairs, car service and repair and basically running things. I was down with flu during this time but I managed to take care of myself. What had I learned from this opportunity to be alone? I liked it. Alone but never lonely. Anyway, I was used to all these responsibilities since my father's death. Thus, I guess in future, I will be able to cope on my own. InsyaAllah.

2014 - career wise. I guess its about time I consider moving on with my life and leave the profession. My heart and soul are no longer in it. I am seriously thinking of opting out. One needs a year for the application to be processed and approved. I am afraid that it will be rejected. Yet, I can try ... and pray for the best.

Hence, I welcome 2015 with open arms, heart and mind. I always believe that things have a way of working out by themselves - given time and patience. The first month was full of challenges and trials that made me more grateful and appreciate the little things. Everyday that was a smooth day was a blessed day. May I be graced with much needed strength, patience and resilience to face the coming months. May my simple wishes come true with the grace of Allah. I can only hope and pray that better things will come in due time, insyaAllah. Thus, to all page reviewers .... this quote expresses my wishes for all of you and I.

Morning Walk .... :-}

Since it is the year end break, I have changed my walking schedule. The swelling soft tissue on my right foot is ...well ... swollen. There is nothing the doctor can do except give me pain killers and something to reduce the swelling. Yet, it does not work because I cannot rest my foot. I still have to go about my errands, responsibilities, obligations and commitments. During school, it is abused by climbing up and down the stairs. Now it is standing for long hours as cashier at the shop.... Thus, to strengthen the soft tissue I have to exercise it. Hence, the slow morning walk again .... Pain yet I feel good as I am doing something ....

I used to do my evening walk during working days. Now since I go to the shop at 10am, I disciplined myself to go early in the morning. Nowadays it has been raining every night so the next morning, the air is so fresh and clean. I love it as it is so invigorating and I feel good. I leave the house after my morning ritual of prayers and reciting the Quran. I try to go as early as I can so that I can get a parking slot nearer the park. I always thought 6:45am is early but the "hard core" walkers, joggers and other groups are already there in droves..... The park is a hive of activities and I dare say most of them are senior citizens and retirees .... Ha...Ha...now I feel that I am one of them. Hmm ... welcome to the club ... soon...very soon ...insyaAllah.... :-))  I feel so old among them ...

After the walk which takes up about an hour of travelling to and fro with two rounds of relaxing walk ... I drop by any shops available to buy my breakfast and newspaper..... I am not losing any weight with the slow walk but I do hope it helps to strengthen the swollen soft tissue ....

One of the many groups doing their morning routine ....

There are 3 groups here - different coloured T-shirts - doing their daily routine faithfully ... I wish I have their energy, health  and tenacity to be so disciplined ....