Sometimes I Wonder...

Sometimes I wonder what is it that I have done in  my life that people want to look me up and find me after all these years....I must have left such an impact in their lives that they try to find me. It is nice and I feel much honoured and touched that there are people who value my friendship.

Julie Guan was my junior in Form 6, CHIJ 1979-1980. She was always hanging around with my group i.e. Maureen, Chai Choo, Pay Boon, Lay Tin and Bee Yan. That was yeeaaaarrrsss ago. Last we met was the farewell dinner which the Lower 6 organised for us. Last year, she managed to locate me and called me on my mobile phone. She managed to get my number from those who had it i.e. Pay Boon through the CHIJ alumni dinner. She came to Alor Setar last weekend and finally, after all of 30 years, we finally met face to face. I could hardly recognise her. She said I look almost the same minus the weight gain...hu..hu..hu.. ;-) She has a Malay adopted family, two beautiful, excellent daughters and running a business in everything. :=)  It was a quick catching up and nostalgic remembering what we did or rather I did all those years. It was truly touching that she tried to find me. How small the world is that we are somehow inter-related through her cousin who is married Noor's cousin or something :-) Abang Thomas, Kak Lily, Azmi, Khadijah... semua orang Bukit Rambai. She's also from Bukit Rambai. 

Another junior is Hapizah Md. Taib from MPMK, JB. She was my housemate at 4, Jalan Juara, JB where we resided for 2 years together. She also used to hang around us , her seniors in the house. She managed to locate me through her sister who is teaching in Alor Setar. She managed to find out my location from one of my classmate's facebook. She asked her sister to call my school to get my phone number and gave me a call one night. It was such a sweet surprise that she remembered me after almost 25 years! I could hardly recognise her. Through her I managed to get Muna and Leha's numbers. They were our housemates too but my batch. It was lovely. I have yet to meet her in person as she is now is Mersing, which is hardly along my way. InsyaAllah, one day.

 Maimunah Yunos. My housemate. My confidante. My friend. My sister in Islam. My conscience. If I were to think of her, it would be with a loving smile.I finally met up with Muna about 2 years ago when I went to Muar and she  made a concerted effort to meet me. It seems that they live in Shah's, Noor's brother, housing area. What a small, small world. We really had a good time and laughed the night away.

Sometimes I wonder how Noor tolerates all my idiosyncracies with my friends!!!! Yet, he always encourages me to find my friends, gives me time to spend with them, humour me and my pettiness,goes out of his way to find these friends for me,  more often than not understands why I need my friends.

Shamsuriani Shamsuddin. From Seremban. My room mate. My friend. My confidante. The person who shared my tears, joy and sorrow. My father's death. My first heart break. Part of the three years of my life. My conscience. She is worse that Jiminy Cricket in Pinnochio. When Akmal got into SDAR, Seremban, she was the first one I tried to contact to be my son's guardian and god-mother. The same goes when Ikram was enrolled in the same school. I never lost touch with her.

Somehow, over the years, among friends, the years just never seem to part us. Somehow, with Allah's will, it was like we have never been parted although we may not meet for years on.

MAKTAB PERGURUAN MOHD KHALID, JOHOR BAHRU - 1981 - 1983

As I was looking through my facebook, I found this page. There was even an MPMK 81-83. It's raining and I could not go for my evening walk. Thus, I am sitting in front of my laptop. Maybe, this is a good topic to explore and recall for my blog although it's like...30 years ago.  :=)

1981. I was 20 years old. I had completed my HSC in 1980 and was waiting for the results. I got the offer for PSM PI/G (Pendidikan Sekolah Menengah Pengajian Inggeris/Geografi) course and although I was afraid of leaving home for the first time in my life, Bapak told me to go. He said that as we were good in English, it's time we gave back to the society. Now it is called Corporate Social Responsibility - :=D) He was not well after suffering from another stroke. I was not very keen to leave him. He had arranged for Baba and Mak to send me to register to Johor Bahru. Maktab Perguruan Mohd. Khalid aka Maktab Perguruan Mencari Kekasih... That was what it was known during the orientation.

On registration day, the usual crowd was there along with parents and their sending off entourage. I went to the register counter. Either the seniors were tired or half heard me, he was looking for the name Seet or Sit. A Chinese name. When he could not find it, he asked me for my letter. I showed him and he told me off by asking why did I not tell him that I was a Malay. I have always wondered to myself - "Do I look so Chinese that people cannot distinguish my race?" It never occurred to me that I am so Chinese looking. I did not know what racialism was all about being in a Convent school. It did not help that my mother was wearing her usual kebaya nyonya as she was a Chinese.

I was sent to my hostel i.e. a double-storey bungalow with 4 rooms. No: 4, Jalan Juara, Off Jalan Mariamah, Johor Bahru. (Surprisingly, I can still remember the address!) Seven of us were sent here : Zaleha Badiul Zaman (our spokesperson), Shamsuriani Shamsuddin (my room mate for three years), Maimunah Yunos, Laila, Alina Paat and Salmiah Shafie. Zaleha, Salmiah and I were in the same course - PI/G. Thus started the orientation week which lasted for two weeks.

I had never been in a co-ed school being educated for 13 years in an all girls Convent school. I started to mix with boys in GPMS night class. Those guys were quite decent, courteous and nice. Here, I met all types of guys that some were rude, obnoxious and just plain irritating. Sometimes, I wondered why did these orientation took place if just to demean, belittle and intimidate juniors? Of course, I was a bit on the defensive side when they touched on race, religion and language. I was just born lucky or my parents' prayers were with me - I was not bullied much as I had these two "abang angkat" who always seemed to be around when a male senior wanted to orientate me. Usually, it was the male who orientated the girls. After a few days, the two guys - now I remembered one of them : Abang Ron - took me out from orientation and put me in drama practice for the Orientation night. I was Tun Teja. I had fun because no more screaming and bullying from the male seniors. I only had to write love letters to all of them. Hmmm... practice made perfect...  :-DD))

If college orientation was tolerable, house orientation was worse. This was from the house seniors. All female. Firstly, they asked me to correct my language as they said I spoke with a slang. What slang? I spoke Malay like the others! Oh well, just bore with it. We juniors, tried to get along together. I got the small room downstairs. There were 3 rooms on the first floor and only one small room downstairs. I got Sham, another junior, as my room mate. She was 2 years my senior and from Negeri Sembilan.

Reflecting on the orientation week, it was fun, enjoyable and overall, we managed to get to know the seniors very well. Some became good friends, some protectors and some "abang angkats" who would like to further the relationship but I guess, it was just not meant to be. I was aloof, in a class of my own and very dignified being a convent girl. Oh well...I slowly got into the routine of college life. As soon as I managed to get a public phone, I immediately called Bapak and made my report. Of course, "mengadu" about my life here. I depended on letters and public phones. Here, I made friends for life besides my school friends. It was the best 3 years of my life albeit the tears, laughter, joy and sorrow.

MPMK sekarang

MPMK yang pernah kami kenali....   ;-(

 Now it seems that the new MPMK campus is relocated to Batu Pahat. I have not had the chance to go there. One day, maybe. Nostalgic. Actually, three years of college life (we were the first batch for the three year programme) moulded us into adults. Now, 30 years hence, hopefully, we became wiser for having been a part of the MAKTAB PERGURUAN MOHD KHALID fraternity and we have made it proud to uphold its name. 

ALLAH's MAGIC...

MasyaAllah. SubhanAllah. Alhamduliilah. We always think that it happens in the movies :-)

I was thinking of Nooraini ever since she replied my message and informed me that Yatie, her sister had passed away last October due to Cushing's syndrom. It's water retention in the body as a result of the anaesthetic given during childbirth. She was only 47 years old. I haven't seen her for so many years due to time constraint. I planned to see her during the Hari Raya break but you know, we could only plan.

Last Saturday I was in Melaka after visiting Ikram in Seremban. That night Kak Leha wanted to go to Mydin, Air Keroh. As usual I was the driver. I was waiting along the aisle of the frozen food while waiting for Kak Leha to pick up her groceries. Due to a lot of people, I waited there with the trolley. I was thinking of Nooraini and how to go to Air Keroh Heights tomorrow. Memang dah niat dah. It's all I could do as a friend. As I was observing all these people making their choices, I saw someone strolling opposite me with a trolley that really looked like her.

I was not very sure it could be her. My mouth uttered Nooraini out loud but I am sure not loud enough for her to hear me due to our distance and the crowd. Yet, she looked up and looked around and saw me directly opposite her. All we could do was gave a big smile to each other and hugged each other tightly. We ignored the crowd. I could just look at her with disbelief that someone that I was really thinking hard enough was right in front of me. This was stuff for the movies. I asked her the directions to her house and promised her to see her the next day. MasyaAllah. Engkau Maha Mengetahui apa yang tersirat di hati hamba Mu ini.

The next day I managed to find her house. Her mother was bed ridden. She was on a two months unpaid leave. We talked about her plans and her mum, the death of Yatie, who was my junior in CHIJ. We used to go to her house for free lunch whenever we had to stay back after school. I know her family well. She's single due to her choice as she is the eldest daughter of 3, her father passed away when she was little, the sole bread winner with a good position and the strength of the close-knitted family. I love her as my friend and sister in Islam. What was so touching was that she was called up for Haj this year but she declined as Yatie was already in ICU. She was glad she did not go as Yatie passed away two days after her departure date. It was meant to be but Tabung Haji said they would KIV her name for next year. Permudahkanlah untuk shabat ku ini ya Allah.

The most I could do is just to be her friend. Thank you Allah. Sometimes, I am so afraid of you but not in the sense of fearing you. Just so afraid of your kindness towards me and my wants in this world as I always feel that I just do not deserve it. Yet, Thank you. Alhamdulillah. Izinkan aku menjadi hambaMu yang sangat bersyukur.

Al-Fatihah untuk aruah Yatie

It's meant to be...

Last Thursday, 17th November, I received news that Johari was admitted to ICU. I knew him when I first came to this school. He was promoted and transferred to another school as a Guru Besar. He was a nice man. Open, out spoken but always courteous and respectful. He was 52 years old. I was not sure why.  The bearer of news said it was an infection but not sure on which part of the body. I was already busy and hadn't done my packing as I was leaving for KL the next day. I had promised Ikram I would see him on Saturday.

That Thursday, Rokiah's daughter came to school to take some forms for her to sign. I helped her to type Rokiah's SKT form and chatted with her, being my ex-student. Rokiah had been warded for almost 4 months due to complications of her diabetes. Her daughter said that she was in CCU for almost a month. She will be going for a by-pass surgery next week. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah untuknya. She is only 45 years old.

As if that's not enough, I learned that Hafsah's got her termination letter effective January 2012. Noordin Sopiee & Associates will be winding down operations. She will be out of a job. She is 53 years old. She has enough to last her a year without working. It will be tough due to her age. People will want to hire someone younger and less experience as they can offer a lower salary. Maybe it's time to move on.

Everything happens for a reason. Segala-galanya adalah ketentuan. Tiba masanya "kun Faya kun" maka jadilah seperti apa yang telah ditetapkan sejak kita di Loh Mahfuz lagi. InsyaAllah, things will work out by itself. All these news on one day i.e. Thursday. Last Sunday, 20th November, I received an SMS informing me that Johari had passed away. Innalillahi-wainna-illaihiraji'un. Daripada Allah kita datang, kepadaNya jugalah kita kembali. Al-Fatihah for a friend.

"Sometimes Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul,

He breaks our heart to make us whole,

He sends us pain so we can be stronger.

He sends us failure so we can be humble,

He sends us illness so we can take care of ourselves;

Sometimes He takes everything away from us 

so we can learn the value of everything."

NEVER TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED.
Finally, last Sunday Nooraini sms me. I thought we could meet up since I was in KL and we had not met for a few years. She told me that her sister, Yatie, had passed away on 28th October. I just asked her where she was now and she said she's in Air Keroh. I will try to find her sister's house this weekend. She had taken 2 months leave to calm her ailing mother. Yatie was my junior in school. She was only 47 years old with 3 children. Nooraini must be devastated and her mum, inconsolable. We had been friends since school. What else can I do to help ease her pain? Just be friend I suppose.

HAPPINESS?

I read an interesting article in the Sunday Star's newspaper yesterday (Sunday, 20th November). The title was "Scared to be too happy" written by Sumiko Tan. The part where she wrote - 'No longer do I seek Happiness (with a capital H) by chasing grand-lofty concepts such as Love, Wealth, Achievement and Fame. I've concluded that it's best to just accept what life has to offer, go with the flow, try my best in whatever I do, harm no one and hope that no one harms me,too. It's the small things nowadays that make me truly happy, and which I long for more.'  She listed a few things that make her happy.

Over the years, I too, do not look for happiness per se. I now look for acceptance (keredhaan). What makes me happy?
1. When I get a call from my sons and we talked for hours.
2. When I saw a rainbow after the rain.
3. When the birds come around to feed on the rice I throw out to them.
4. When I am given the opportunity to give more alms and watch the receiver smiles.
5. When I can give something that someone asks for especially family and friends.
6. When I make someone's life easier just by doing something big or small for them.
7. When I get e-mails, calls or just spend some time with dear friends.
8. When I can buy and give gifts to friends and family or an acquaintance.
9. When I get time out for my self, by my self, for my self without having to think of responsibilities.
10. When I can make someone happy just with my presence, my e-mail, my call or my time.  :=)