Loneliness- It's All About The Mind ;-))

Noor left for Africa last week. It was a hectic month preparing for his departure. His DM just called one day i.e. a month ago and told him to be prepared to leave for SIngapore a few days later for a briefing from their franchising office there. It was going to be a day trip. Since it was a Friday, I tagged along and sent him off to the KLIA2. Later that evening, I went back to KLIA2 to pick him up and proceeded to Melaka to send Ikram back to his campus. After that, it was a nerve-wrecking experience of looking for the yellow fever vaccine as it was one of the conditions for the visa to be approved. After asking the doctors here, we contacted WIsma Putra who helped us with information on the availability of the vaccine. The vaccine was not given easily. Hospital Pantai KL was the only one who had the vaccine in its stock. Other Government hospitals that kept it were only for Government personnels departing for Africa or South America. The hospital required Noor's appointment letter before releasing the vaccine. It cost RM422 just for one shot. :-}} He wanted me to go with him everywhere he went even to his office.  :-))  As Syafiq's favourite life principle - "Sharing is Caring"  ha...ha...ha.... :-D 

That left the shop's daily administration. I told him that would not be a problem since he had one reliable staff. Syafiq would be on semester break for a month in October. Akmal volunteered to take leave for two weeks in November. In between that, I was sure the staff and I could cope somehow. I had never been involved in the running of the shop .... :-)) Thus, it was arranged that he did not take anybody to monitor the shop. The boys were trained to help out at the shop since their teens. So, it was not a problem for them.

So, finally after receiving the travelling itinerary, he was really going. Noor was actually excited, nervous, afraid and a mixed feeling of leaving. I had done my best as a wife, partner and friend. Besides giving him support, encouragement and accompanying him almost everywhere to settle his leaving .... I expected nothing from him. He had never been out of the country for a long stretch of time either for leisure or professional reasons. We could keep in touch via messenger or e-mail.
I had done and given my best. My prayers go to him daily for his well-being and being in Allah's grace.

And the person to be alone with is ... ME !!!! :-))

"Everybody needs a little time away ..."

What A Break !!!!

Last September mid-term break I decided to give myself a much deserved treat. I wanted to give time to ME. I wanted to be selfish for myself. I refused to do anything. Any house chores. Any school work. It was only a week's break anyway. The week before I was busy following Noor to KL and back to send him off to SIngapore for his briefing and sending Ikram back to his campus. Thus, without any feelings of guilt, I declared myself on holiday!! Ha..Ha..Ha.. :-))  Anyway, there was only the two of us.

I told Noor I am not going to do any cooking. Or marketing. I would meet him at the shop about 6pm and we would go and have an early dinner. Sometimes, I am amazed with this man. He agreed and let me do what I wanted. I made caramel pudding without eggs. I made almond rocher. I fried keropok. I bought fruits. These were the snacks that I had during my self-declared stayed home holiday. 

I chose some of the books I had bought but had no time to read. I woke up for early dawn prayers and went back to sleep. I woke up late and went out with Noor for brunch. Then, I went home, snuggled on the couch with a book and read until I slumbered off dreaming of whatever I was reading. I woke up and had a snack of whatever was in the fridge. It was raining practically every evening that I took myself out to the porch and sat there with a cup of steaming hot tea and the container of keropok. I breathed in the cool, refreshing air, munched the keropok and continued with my reading. I read a heavy novel "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hoessini. I managed to read a light story "If only Airports Could Talk". After night prayers, I usually curled up in my bed with another book and turned on "Lite FM". I was on my own. Alone most of the time as Noor only came home after 11pm. Yet, I always had company in the books, the music, my prayers, my Quran ... 

I was alone but never lonely. It was only a 5 day break as we had to go to KL again to settle his vaccination and application for visa. Yet .... it was the ideal holiday that I had always wanted. Nevertheless, it would be much pleasurable if it was a beach resort, somebody to feed me .... hmmm...too good to be true. Maybe one day .... anyway, it was a blissful holiday !!!!

Di Sini Lahirnya Sebuah Cinta - Merdeka ke 57

It's another Merdeka day today. 57th year to be exact. So, how did you spend yours? Despite the MH17 and MH370 incidents, we still celebrated our National Day albeit in a more sombre mood. Well,  I love being a Malaysian. What I had witnessed today solidified the feeling of solidarity, unity and love for this diversified, multi-cultural, multi-religion and at present, the cracks of segregation of races. So, how did I spend today?

I went to watch the Merdeka parade in town after a lapse of soooo MANY years i.e since the boys left for boarding school. :-D)) I walked through the throngs of crowd of adults, children, teenagers, youths of all races. I walked slowly and just enjoying myself walking alone among them as if I was a tourist in town. I observed the patience of those taking part in the parade (I assumed they must had gathered since 7:00am). What gained my utmost respect was the pride and respect the simple people had for their state and country. You see, the crowd was just sitting along the sidewalks and whatever places available along the royal stage. When the emcee announced the arrival of the Tunku Temenggong of Kedah and the TUDM band started to play the state anthem, some of the people in the crowd started to stand up. To my pride and amazement, ALL the people in the crowd stood up to attention until the band completed playing the "Negara Ku". Then, slowly, they sat down and made themselves comfortable to watch the parade. It gave one a satisfied feeling of pride and belonging.

I took photographs and I especially enjoyed the school bands. The participants in the parade walked out in pride and discipline. I could not take all the photos especially by the KMSC (Kedah Motor Sports Club) which paraded their cars, all types of bikes ... ), the vintage bicycles of even the postmen of yesteryears where the crowd called out "Posto! Posto!" .... ;-D)) due to the glaring sun. It was a scorching hot day after a few days of heavy downpour. I was facing the sun thus, whatever photos I took would be in a shadow.When a man in P. Ramlee's costume cycled down the parade, some of the crowd were singing out one his old songs .... I love the this year's theme - Di sini lahirnya sebuah cinta - part of the lyrics from Sudirman's (my favourite singer) song " Warisan".

It was a fun, enjoyable, exciting and full of pride day. I had not watched and enjoyed a fulfilling Merdeka day for so long. Alhamdulillah ... for a peaceful, calm and lovely country. HAPPY MERDEKA DAY MALAYSIA !!! May all of us, the people of Malaysia, learn to appreciate and love our own country. Learn to preserve its uniqueness and openness to embrace all its people as ONE Malaysian regardless of race, religion, beliefs or faiths.

One of the girls' school bands

Looking resplendent in their attire and putting their best feet forward

Marching with a message - "Save Gaza"

I have always loved the army - so disciplined ....

The TUDM band ..

The Boys' school band

Eid-ul Fitri 1435H / 2014M

This year Aidil Fitri celebration was much blessed. For the first time in so many years, we managed not to celebrate Aidil Fitri along the highway. We managed to arrive at Noor's kampung while people were getting ready for the Raya prayers. So, we stopped by the mosque and joined the others for prayers. I managed to meet most of my in-laws and some of his relatives. After a visit to the cemetery next to the mosque, we went to Batu Berendam to visit my sisters. We stopped by my parents' graves in Peringgit. For the longest time, I sat at their graves thanking and grateful to Allah to let me be here on Aidil Fitri itself. It completed my Raya celebration. Usually I would only be able to visit them the next day or before we left for Alor Setar again.

What was so blessed? This year I managed to celebrate Hari Raya at my sisters' houses. I got to eat ketupat daun with sambal kelapa courtesy of Wah (only Wah could make this dish authentic as Mak used to do it). I went to visit my old neighbourhood and walked down the familiar yet so different background. My sisters, Hamid and I visited our old uztazah, Quran teacher and next door neighbour. It was a great time guessing what our names were. My whole siblings were under their tutelage. We owed them a lot for our religious studies. My boys accompanied me.

This year, for the first time. I cooked for my in-laws. Since Noor did not plan to visit any of his relatives, I volunteered in the kitchen to give time out to my sister in-law to go out visiting and celebrate Hari Raya. I cooked for them lontong and sambal kacang. The next day I cooked for them the requested nyonya curry mee much to the satisfaction and delight of my in-laws and the children. I had never cooked such a large amount before i.e. 3 chickens, 3 packets of yellow noodles, 2 packets of spaghetti for those who did not like noodles and a packet of kue teow for Akmal. Otherwise, I played host and the boys made the drinks and helped to clear out the kitchen. We only left at night for Rina's (my niece in Peringgit) open house.

This year, due to Abang's death, put things in perspective for Noor that he extended his leave to accommodate visiting my side of the family. We went to KL and visited Kak Ita (Abang's wife) and Kak Zizah in Keramat. We went to visit Kak Che Mah at Taman Tun Dr. Ismail and got to meet up with Kak Era and Abang Salim. I managed to meet Suraya, my youngest, reclusive and estranged sister. Somehow, I could get along with everybody and she called me up the stairs to catch up. Finally to Abang Omar's house in Subang for dinner. They had not seen my boys since they were just kids. They were taken aback with the age and size of their nephews!!! I may not get an opportunity like this next year as Hari Raya we are subjected to Noor's side of the family. And most of all, I got to meet up with Mak Besah, Abang Omar's mother in-law aka Kak Dilah's mother. She must be more than 80 years old, petite and almost deaf but she could remember who I was after more than 7 years. Even Noor was impressed that she could recognise him as she had problems with her eyes. I could only recite Alhamdulillah, MasyaAllah and SubhanAllah. Thank you Allah.

"Maka nikmat Allah manakah yang kamu dustakan?" A much blessed Aidil Fitri. Even if there is no next year's visit, I am grateful for this one time as all my boys are here to meet up with their uncles and aunties from my side. Thus I will not have to answer Ikram's question -  "Whose house is this?" .... and they would recognise my sons if they happen to meet each other. InsyaAllah.

Abang in memory .... 2

I visited Abang almost every time I was down in KL. Either using public transport or if Noor was driving...I went to visit him with Noor, my sons or my sisters. During the last visit which I went with Kak Hajar, Ikram and Syafiq, there were signs he was trying to tell us. Even though his speech was still hoarse, when he said these words, it was very clear. He said it as a matter of fact and was looking at me as if I would understand. Surprisingly, I understood him what he meant very well. Kak Hajar was unclear about it until I explained to her what Abang meant. He said "Abang dah 71 tahun tau. Tak lama dah lagi."  I told him I knew. What he meant was Bapak died at the age of 71. Mak died at the age of 71. His mother passed away much younger due to cancer. As usual, we usually just ignored what the sick said and did not pay much attention to it. He was a good man and did his duty as a brother and head of the Aziz family with all their idiosyncracies and temperaments as well as he could.

Allah made everything so smooth for him. He passed away on 17 Ramadhan (19 JULY 2014) or "Nuzul Quran". A special date for the Muslims. I had just completed my 3 days duty as examiner for SPM oral for private candidates at Hotel Seri Malaysia. I reached home about 1:00pm. Rested before I started to prepare something for "iftar" and was having a nap when the phone rang. I had not even unpacked my bag. It was from Kak Hajar. I was quite disoriented being woken up from my nap and the news took some time to sink in. It was almost 4:00pm. The first thing that came into my mind was my oral centre the next day where I was the chief examiner. Going home was not an option. I called Noor and told him I was going home as soon as I could. He said he would try to settle everything and we could leave as soon as possible. I called Fakaruddy (my ULKCP chief) to inform him of my situation and he told me to go home. He would take over my place as chief examiner. It was not easy to get one at an instant so he volunteered. Alhamdulillah for friends. ....

We finally left about 6pm. I drove. I needed to do something to focus so that my mind would not think about the sudden demise. As I was driving, the tears just rolled down that it was blurring my vision. Noor asked if I was okay and I said yes. We arrived at Wah's house about midnight as we made stops for breaking fast and prayers. There was no rush as the funeral was the next morning. Kak Hajar, Abang Zul and Nadia had already arrived from Camerons. Kak Ti and Kak Leha with their families stayed at a hotel near Ampang. We were all so tired. When we woke up for our dawn meal (sahur) we recited the surah Yaasin  for Abang.

By 9am, we convoyed to Abang's house in Keramat and went straight to the mosque nearby. There they held a the usual rites of bacaan surah Yaasin, tahlil, solat jenazah and finally prayers by Uztaz Habib Ali. Abang was one of the founders of Pondok Jenderam near Dengkil, a centre for the studies of Quran and religion. Thus, there were many representatives, friends, families, neighbours and strangers who came. We went to the cemetery (Taman Perkuburan Ampang) right in the heart of Kuala Lumpur. The cemetery was surrounded by high rise buildings of KLCC, hotels, banks and other institutions.

Tanah Perkuburan Ampang, KL - the crowd whom escorted Abang to his grave. Women were not allowed on the graveyard until all the rites had completed. That was Abang's wish. So, we waited until the men had dispersed before we went to his grave to offer our prayers ...

It was a cloudy and gloomy weather but there was no hint of rain. Abang got his wish to be buried next to his mother's grave. Everybody was solemn but there were no tears of acute grieving. Just silent tears rolled down the cheeks when we felt the sadness of the occasion. We let him go, our first sibling, who was 71 years old and who was a pious and religious person with our thoughts, love and prayers. I will always include him in my daily prayers for my parents. Hopefully, make a yearly visit to Kak Ita ... my sister in-law so that she would not feel isolated from the family. May Abang rest in peace .... Al-fatihah for Abang, Bapak and Mak. Aamiiin.