2015 - Be Kind To Me ... :-}}

29th January 2015

It's almost a month of 2015. I have neglected my blog for quite some time due to time constraint, commitments and obligations. It's almost 3 weeks of school and I am still trying to get settled into the usual routine. I am just feeling so tired out and my heart is no longer in it. The passion has fizzled out and I am still trying to catch my breath and find the drive that makes me an educator.

Well ... 2014 was full of surprises, adapting and modifying my life. The whole of the year end break was committed to supervise the shop in Noor's absence. After almost 3 months of it, I did not think I had the cut to be a "boss". I just did not have that "giving orders" attitude. In fact, I thought I took orders from the most senior staff. Anyway, I found that it was easier to work together instead of being the leader. We worked together and solved whatever problems came our way together. Thus, it was an enlightening stint but honestly I would not want to go through holding the responsibility again.

2014 was also where my health issues were slightly under control. I managed to strengthen the swollen tissue by doing my walk faithfully during the break. I disciplined myself about it and committed myself to my walk. The foot was much better but my back was still a problem. I suppose it is the "getting old syndrome" .... ;-{ .

2014 - home wise - everything was fine. The boys with their own lives and Noor was doing a 3 month stint as a trainer in Ivory Coast. I found that I enjoyed being alone and on my own where I was responsible only for my own self. I could afford to be selfish for once. I could have control over my meals and time. I was not subjected to anybody's whims and fancy. I had to handle the bills, the shop and house accounts, the boys fees and monthly allowances, house repairs, car service and repair and basically running things. I was down with flu during this time but I managed to take care of myself. What had I learned from this opportunity to be alone? I liked it. Alone but never lonely. Anyway, I was used to all these responsibilities since my father's death. Thus, I guess in future, I will be able to cope on my own. InsyaAllah.

2014 - career wise. I guess its about time I consider moving on with my life and leave the profession. My heart and soul are no longer in it. I am seriously thinking of opting out. One needs a year for the application to be processed and approved. I am afraid that it will be rejected. Yet, I can try ... and pray for the best.

Hence, I welcome 2015 with open arms, heart and mind. I always believe that things have a way of working out by themselves - given time and patience. The first month was full of challenges and trials that made me more grateful and appreciate the little things. Everyday that was a smooth day was a blessed day. May I be graced with much needed strength, patience and resilience to face the coming months. May my simple wishes come true with the grace of Allah. I can only hope and pray that better things will come in due time, insyaAllah. Thus, to all page reviewers .... this quote expresses my wishes for all of you and I.

Morning Walk .... :-}

Since it is the year end break, I have changed my walking schedule. The swelling soft tissue on my right foot is ...well ... swollen. There is nothing the doctor can do except give me pain killers and something to reduce the swelling. Yet, it does not work because I cannot rest my foot. I still have to go about my errands, responsibilities, obligations and commitments. During school, it is abused by climbing up and down the stairs. Now it is standing for long hours as cashier at the shop.... Thus, to strengthen the soft tissue I have to exercise it. Hence, the slow morning walk again .... Pain yet I feel good as I am doing something ....

I used to do my evening walk during working days. Now since I go to the shop at 10am, I disciplined myself to go early in the morning. Nowadays it has been raining every night so the next morning, the air is so fresh and clean. I love it as it is so invigorating and I feel good. I leave the house after my morning ritual of prayers and reciting the Quran. I try to go as early as I can so that I can get a parking slot nearer the park. I always thought 6:45am is early but the "hard core" walkers, joggers and other groups are already there in droves..... The park is a hive of activities and I dare say most of them are senior citizens and retirees .... Ha...Ha...now I feel that I am one of them. Hmm ... welcome to the club ... soon...very soon ...insyaAllah.... :-))  I feel so old among them ...

After the walk which takes up about an hour of travelling to and fro with two rounds of relaxing walk ... I drop by any shops available to buy my breakfast and newspaper..... I am not losing any weight with the slow walk but I do hope it helps to strengthen the swollen soft tissue ....

One of the many groups doing their morning routine ....

There are 3 groups here - different coloured T-shirts - doing their daily routine faithfully ... I wish I have their energy, health  and tenacity to be so disciplined ....

Message In A Bottle - Nicholas Sparks

”This is not a good-bye, my darling, this is a thank-you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.”  

Garret wrote as a means of letting out his feelings of loss of his wife, Catherine. When the grief overwhelmed him and threatened to choke him, he wrote out his feelings, rolled it nicely and put it into a bottle. He then threw it out into the vast ocean as he had no address to send to. For over 3 years, he did that whenever he could not control his sense of deep loss. It was an outlet for him. What he never expected was the bottles were found and the letters read, kept and published. 

Theresa, a single mother with a twelve year old son, found one such bottle during her walks on the beach while on holiday. She picked it up and discovered the letter. She read it and had a good cry as the letter was beautifully written from the depths of the writer's heart.

“The letter obviously came from the heart. And to think that a man wrote it! In all her years, she had never received a letter even close to that ......... What would such a man be like? she wondered. Would he be as caring in person as the letter seemed to imply?” 

 “Immediately after reading it, she had read it again, then a third time. What would it be like, she mused, to have someone love her that way?” 

Being a journalist, she published the letter as it had human interest. Thus, she received a call about another letter of the same line. And a third letter from another place. Her curiosity was piqued and she began her journey of tracking down the writer if just to know what he was like. He seemed like a man who loved wholeheartedly. Theresa, bruised from a divorce due to infidelity and dishonesty, wondered if such a man still existed. 

They met and without planning it, they fell in deeply love like two lost souls brought together. Being in a long distance love affair was trying as it was. But at the end of the day, Garret had to confront his own demons as he could not let Catherine go. They broke up reluctantly as Theresa could not compete with a shadow deeply embedded in his mind and heart. Garret dreamt of Catherine as he tried to face his own guilt ....

“Upon hearing my answer, she smiled at me with patient amusement, the way she used to before she died. “Oh, Garrett,” she finally said as she gently touched my face, “who do you think it was that brought the bottle to her?”

He finally wrote a final letter of goodbye to Catherine and another letter to Theresa asking for a second chance. He went out to sail to send Catherine's bottle but he never came returned. Theresa found out his death through Jeb, Garret's father. She finally found out the reason why he went out to sea when he knew that a storm was brewing through the letter that was addressed to her 2 weeks after his death. Garret was a professional sailor as he was involved with diving business. It took a year for Theresa to gather up herself and finally she wrote a letter thanking Garret for teaching her to love again. She too, let the bottle out into the sea ..... 

"After reading the letter for the last time, Theresa rolled it up and sealed it in the bottle. She turned it over a few times, knowing that her journey had come full circle. Finally, when she knew she could wait no longer, she threw it out as far as she could.

It was then that a strong wind picked up and the fog began to part. Theresa stood in silence and stared at the bottle as it began to float out to sea. And even though she knew it was impossible, she imagined that the bottle would never drift ashore. It would travel the world forever, drifting by faraway places she herself would never see.

When the bottle vanished from sight a few minutes later, she started back to the car. Walking in silence in the rain, Theresa smiled softly. She didn’t know when or where or if it would ever turn up, but it didn’t really matter. Somehow she knew that Garrett would get the message."

It is a beautiful story. I hate sad endings as it makes me cry and cry...... 

I, too, write out my feelings of frustrations, uncertainties, dissatisfaction, unhappiness and loneliness but I do not send them out to sea in a bottle. I write them and save them in the draft of my blog and e-mail. By now I have lots of it ..... it is what is called "self-help" therapy ... :-}}

These are old publications of Nicholas Sparks novels. I have always wanted to read them but never got the time and mood. Hmm ... back to the question ... are we able to love deeply with our whole heart and soul devoted to only one person ????? 

Carrot Walnut Cake ... ;=D))

Akmal is home. Just as when any of the boys are home for their semester break, I will fill up the fridge with their favourite food and snacks, usually home made... :-))

Since I have a pot luck at my staff room to welcome the school holidays, I decided to try the carrot cake just to bring something different. As Akmal ate anything even with vegetables, so I was game to try again this cake which I tried a couple of years ago. This time I wanted to try the cheese topping. So, this was the result ....

The slice carrot walnut cake with the messy cheese topping ...

I honestly did not like the cheese topping because it would not harden like the ones from the bakery. So, when the staff ate it and I asked for comments especially from the ERT teachers, they said if I wanted to harden it, I have to add gelatine. Oh well, they said it was nice but I was not satisfied .... so I think I will not try it again ... ;-0))   Besides .... nobody is home when Akmal goes off at the end of the month .... and the other two guys do not like anything with vegetable in it ....

Trifle Pudding ... :-))

Well, another successful experiment .... I came across this recipe when I wanted to make something different for Noor's birthday. So, I tried and made this because he and Ikram loved desserts. Then, I tried and modified it and made it into small, individual containers so that it was easier for me to give to others ... as usual.... ;-))

Thus, I added in the mix fruit cocktail juice and squeezed in a bit of lemon into the jelly so that the pudding was a balance of sweet and sour taste. It was scrumptious ... and I have given them to other friends to share them .... what we like is doubly satisfying if it is shared ... simple philosophy in life.

Individual containers so that it is easier to give away and to be eaten ....

The upside down pudding - just to show the layers of swiss roll cake, custard, mix fruit cocktail and jelly ....

It is best eaten chilled, of course. The guys love it. Those who have the honour of testing it also love it especially the blend of sweet and sour taste..... :-))  makes me feel good as so many have enjoyed this simple but special pudding. You can easily get the recipe from the internet. This is definitely another in the list of comfort food .... cooling, sweet and sour, delicious and comforting.... yummy ...

Since Akmal is home, there is somebody who wants to eat all these desserts. Thus, he eats one everyday. There's the almond rocher chocolates. All made by mummy dearest ... :-))  He has said that he wants 4 bottles (100 pieces) of cookies to bring back for his buddies in KK. Yet, he is complaining that he is getting fat ..... hmmm... mum is at fault !!!!