Memories of the Haj ....

It's that time of year again. Everyday now at IKIM.FM radio, there is a report on the haj in the evening. It brings back nostalgic memories, the feeling of being there is still fresh and you remember things there with such clarity. The pain in the heart when you remembered the first time you were in Masjid Nabawi. The feelings of being surrounded with such protectiveness and belonging. It was as if you came home. Maybe that was why when you read about this place, look at the pictures, hear about it, even when you touched the book on Rasulullah saw, you feel such a longing of being there that it caused a piercing pain in your heart. Your tears just flow with the pain. The kind of pain if you were in love with someone and missing him so much. How could I explain it? Maybe those who had gone through it would understand it. How come I do not feel this kind of feelings for any living humans?  :-)))  Maybe once, but not anymore.

The other day there was a report about the pilgrims arriving in Mecca. How nostalgic. The description of the bus ride, the moment they reached Masjidil Haram and the days they spent in Mecca. I was in Mecca for 37 days. Ikram asked us when we (Noor, Ikram, Syafiq and I) were on our way back to Alor Setar. They were brought down to KL/Melaka to welcome us home from our pilgrimage. So, on the drive home, Ikram asked what was the most significant memory there. Noor answered the usual - the umrah, haj, tawaf and so forth. I answered something that surprised him. The most significant and sweetest memory that I had of Mecca was not all the haj rituals. It was a day when Noor and I went out for a walk around Mecca after Zohor and bought KFC for lunch. I carried a sejadah whenever we went to the mosque because I always ended up at the rooftop. The marble tiles were freezing cold in the morning and night. The food stalls did not have tables and chairs. You bought the food and sat somewhere. We sat together on the sejadah at a flight of stairs and shared the KFC. It was very rare to see the two of us together in such close proximity. Most of the time we were on our own. That one day that Allah gave us to spend time together doing what was so normal for most couples but not for us was a blessing in itself.  :-} When the muezzin called us for 'Asar prayers, we walked together to the mosque and parted ways at the entrance. Noor went towards the Kaabah and I, as usual went up to the first floor.

This was the time when we make sacrifices of animals to commemorate the command for Nabi Ibrahim to sacrifice Nabi Ismail. I did not want to do the korban with Tabung Haji. Noor did. The uztaz explained that whatever we sacrificed, the meat would be kept in the frozen warehouse and the meat distributed all over the world throughout the year. I did not want that. I wanted my korban to be of some benefit to someone. I was hesitant and reluctant although Noor suggested that I did it with Tabung Haji. One day, I went to the Tabung Haji office at the hotel and saw a young man sitting at a makeshift counter there. I saw the notice "korban". I went up to him and had a talk with him. Being curious (besides he looked like a student) I asked him questions. He said he was a student from Madinah University. He accepted any korban from any pilgrims. Usually, they would buy the goats or camels or whatever animals, and did the sacrifice at their university. Then, they would cook it and all the Malaysian students there and from neighbouring universities would get to eat it. Most of the students from other countries would join them too on Hari Raya Aidil Adha. I asked him where he was from. He told me he was from Penang and that his father was a lecturer at USM. That got me interested. I asked him from which school was his father attached to. He said School of Humanities. I was nicely surprised as that was my school too. When he mentioned his father's name, of course all of us knew him. I met him a few times during our Dean's List award where all the lecturers came to witness it. His father was the Vice Dean of Islamic Studies and used to be our imam for terawih prayers at the USM mosque. I was honoured to have met his son who carried his good name. I decided there and then to do my korban with him. Maybe it was Allah's way of arranging things for me. I did one for myself. One for Bapak. One for Mak. And one for Hafsah. I was very happy and satisfied with myself. Thus, when I returned to Malaysia, I tried as far as possible to make one korban every year. One for me and one for Mak and Bapak.

Listening to all these reports made you travelled back in time to a time when you left everything behind and putting all the past behind  you. You tried to be a better person for having been here at this holy place. I prayed that all these pilgrims had a smooth time performing all their rituals. I prayed that they would get their haji Mabrur. I had done my best. I gave my best. I surrendered myself totally to Allah. Even if I never reach this place again, I am contented. May I become a better person for having been invited here by the grace and decree of Allah. InsyaAllah.

Walking around Masjid Nabawi in the chillness of the night - 2005

The view of Masjidil Haram from the bridges - 2005