Savour The Moment ...

Three years ago we, the sisters, Kak Haj, Wah and I, made a pact that every December we would try to get together for a food trail or just taking time out from our families and bonded together. I would be the driver as I was the only one who could drive and possess a car. We managed to do this for two consecutive years. The first year, we started from north and trailed through Penang, Perak, Kuala Lumpur and Melaka. We started it as kak Haj was not feeling well and could hardly eat. She was down to only 35kg. Being petite and thin, this made her skinny. She just lost her appetite. She tried to eat as much as she could although she would just vomit everything later. Yet, the mission was accomplished as she managed to eat most of the food.

2013 - we did not venture far although we had planned for the east coast. However, the weather was against us and we were afraid of floods. Besides, Abang was hopitalised. Thus, we decided our "jalan-jalan cari makan" would centre around KL and PJ area. You could read all about it in my former postings. Anyway, being in KL made it possible to visit Abang a few times especially at HKL, IJN and Gleneagles. Abang passed away the next year i.e. 2014.

In 2014, we did not proceed with the annual gallivanting as I had to supervise the shop in lieu of Noor's three months posting to Ivory Coast as a trainer. So, we deferred it to next year.

This year, we did not have our food trail as so many things were against us. I did go back to KL with Kak Haj as planned. However, I was down with food poisoning and ear infection which took up the first week. Wah did not get any leave as her company had just secured a new project which needed to be finalised as kicked-off would be in January next year. Kak Ti and Kak Leha were busy with taking care of their grandchildren. Kak Haj could only make it for a week as she had to return to Camerons to help out with Shaun's community project for his university students. Thus, this year we just spent whatever time we had together. So, we shall wait for next year. In shaa Allah (God willing).

Every day spent with my siblings is a blessing. To be able to meet up and just hang around with them is a bonus. Just us without any brothers in-law. We managed to catch up with Hamid and Baba. Adik spent dinner and supper. Zin managed to join us on one of those nights. I was not feeling well but still managed to join in.

It was a blessing with Allah's grace and will. We were still grateful ad thankful for our gathering. In shaa Allah, next year our food trail will be to the east coast and it need not be in December as I have already retired thus with time in my hands ...

Staying In Touch ....

Quote taken from Soo Ewe Jin's column "Beauty of staying in touch" (Sunday Star, 8 November 2015)

"At the same time, I have learned that in communicating, we must not expect to always get a response.
       I believe that not getting a response does not mean that one's sharing is not appreciated.
      We are just different and express ourselves differently, that's all.
       If what I share in a private note, or even in a public column such as this has the effect of   bringing joy to the person reading it, then that is all that matters."

How apt. I have always enjoyed writing e-mails and sent sms or mms but more often than not, I seldom get immediate response or replies. Noor was commenting why it was that we were the ones who always looked up our friends. I told him that he should not have any expectations. If we were free and it was along our way, why not? More often than not, these friends were always happy to welcome us. We lived far in the north and most times, we travelled south to visit our families. Sometimes, we just took the old route and certain friends would come to mind. Thus, we called up and met up. It made us happy. What more of that person .... besides, most of them hardly leave their comfort zone. Our place was not exactly a chosen holiday destination .....

Yet at times I feel like I am intruding and upsetting the other party already busy lives and I will just keep away for a while. I know that this is how relationships and friendships peter out and slowly but surely we will lose touch. Keeping in touch takes a lot of effort especially when we have so many shared memories together. But, all good things come to an end. We leave the old ones due to hardly any communication and build new ones where the eagerness to keep in touch and share are still new and splendid. It does not mean that we have forgotten about them, but somehow it is just not worth the effort. Yet, they are never out of our mind even though its years later.

That is why we have categories of friends - colleagues, staff, co-workers, acquaintance, associate, just friends, best friends, good friends, old friends ..... soul mates. Nevertheless, I always live up to this expectation of myself - if I can make someone happy just by giving my time through e-mail, sms, mms or a call .... why not? If I make someone happy, I will end up happy too.

Friends are forever ...  it is just the frequency of staying in touch that defines which category of friend a person is ...... friends are our roots to who we were before we are consumed with the struggle with our careers, family and other commitments. They are the pillar which uphold tradition, support, love, encouragement, persistence, tolerance, patience .... and most of all, just being there with us. The symbol of bonding, innocence, faith and believe in oneself. So, what are you all waiting for? Stay in touch with friends who have crossed your mind .... DO NOT PROCRASTINATE !!! Life is too short for regrets . ;-} 

How Far Does A Teacher Influence You ???

"Carpe Diem"

(origin  - Latin : Noun)

Meaning in English  -  Seize the day.

In the movie "Dead Poets Society"  -  one of the students of Mr. John Keating's class found this old copy and asked him what the word meant. One teacher's principle in life affected the impressionable seventeen year old group of teenagers of the very conservative and aristocratic school where following the rule and not questioning authority are the norm.

Dead Poets Society was an unsanctioned society by the same school. It was a way for Keating and his friends to express their love for poetry their own way and life in general. Thus, to this group of students it was a way to challenge authority and an outlet for their love of poetry. Mr. Keating unorthodox ways of teaching in class and out of it left a huge imprint in the minds of these impressionable youths who were already controlled by authoritarian parents and school. 

They got "out of the box" as the term was referred to now. They seized the day and opportunity. They reached out far greater heights and in the process tried to push the boundaries of the rules and regulations. One of them pursued and persevered persistently in going after the girl of his dreams even though he was threatened and beaten up. Another managed to get out of his low self-esteem and low confidence by finally creating poetry off hand and presenting it in his class. Yet another pursued his love for acting. Another created trouble by publishing a letter to the school under the society's name. Even though he was meted out the capital punishment, he refused to reveal the members of the society.

Yet, the question goes - how far does a teacher's influence go? When the young lads realised that they had the potential to go their own way on their own terms, they went a tad too far. One of the young men, Neil, did not tell the truth to his father. After his first show as an actor and although he was great and superb in it, his father took him home and decided to transfer him out of the school. That night out of desperation and a sense of hopelessness as he had no choice but to follow his father's orders, he committed suicide. Neil's father blamed the school. The school had to find a scapegoat. It was in the form of Mr. Keating. Though it was not fair but the students could not go against the norm or the rule. On the day Mr. Keating went to collect his things from the classroom, the Principal was teaching as the replacement teacher. One by one his students stood on their table and gave him a resounding applause while calling "Captain! My Captain!" Mr. Keating thanked them while a fuming mad Principal was trying to control the class ..... how far does a teacher touch a young life?

Thus, in life, should we seize the day i.e. grab the opportunity? Yet, there are always consequences we have to consider. There are rules, terms, obligations and other commitments we have to comply with. There is just so much of the system that we can fight ....  at the end of the day ... the choice is yours - seize it and live with the satisfaction that you have at least tried. Or ...  let it go and live with the "What if ... ???"

A fitting end to my last week in school as a teacher. I watched this movie "Dead Poets Society" ... I hope I have touched and influenced the lives of thousands of my students ..... yes, I would do the same thing and told them to seize the day .... ;-))

I Am Very Much Humbled

Case 1  -  Sabariah, a maintenance cleaner at my school. In her fifties, her job is to sweep and clean Block D. Her husband is also one of the maintenance staff in charge of gardening. Simple, slow and of course, poor. She can read and write only what are necessary. She had a daughter who died under tragic circumstances. What makes her stands out among the five female cleaners in this school? Why is she my centre of attention?

I come early to school everyday. The cleaners clock in at 7:00am. What catches my attention is a half-full plastic bag of rice. Sometimes just plain white rice. Sometimes I can see slivers of fish in it. The stray cats (the problem when housing estates start mushrooming near schools) which are all over the school will come running to greet both of them, husband and wife. They will go to the back part of the school and make little pools of the rice for each cat. She has been consistently doing this since one of the staff retired in April. That staff would usually buy a big bag of cat food for her to feed all these stray cats. I do not condone nor agree with her actions but there is little I can do. This attracts more cats to come and dirty the school. Yet, I salute her and respect her. Simple and giving. She who has so little can give so much. I am very much humbled.

Case 2  -  Fazliana's mother or Makcik as I called her. Fazliana was one of the new examiners (MUET Speaking) who was under me to be trained as one. During one of the sessions together while waiting for the next session, we talked about personal things. She asked me what I did during weekends. So, I told her of my Tafaqquh-Din class at Kolej Universiti Insaniah. She got the details about the class and turned up with her mother.

Makcik had to use a three-legged walking cane to support her but she was determined to come and enrolled in this class. She taught the Quran. I greeted them and got them into the running of the class - the schedule, books and so forth. Thus, began a friendship. Later when Fazliana was transferred to Kuantan, her mother persevered and practically seldom missed classes. She could drive. Her son sent her when he was around for the semester breaks. Otherwise, when she arrived at almost the same time as I did, I would wait for her and carry her bags for her. She would walk slowly and used my hand to balance herself when climbing up the uneven floors. What was so humbling was when even the ustaz would stop teaching and let her sit before continuing. She, who had physical problems persevered in the quest to get close to Allah. It has been three years now. And I ... who am only having physical aches and pains, should have no right to complain. I am very much humbled.

Case 3  -  Most times I will go to the grocery store near my housing estate to get my bread and eggs. One day, I was in my car starting the engine when this cat caught my eye.

It kept rubbing itself against this young lady who was busy fishing for her keys in her bag to open the door. She stayed at the top floor of one of the shoplots. She kept pushing the cat away with her legs with a tired and irritated face. Thus, I just sat in the car and watched what she would do. Once the grill was opened, she did not go up the stairs to her room. Instead, she took a small box near the stairs and took a container. The cat stayed near the grill but did not enter it. The young lady took out a bowl and put cat food inside it for the cat. No wonder it was waiting for her. It was waiting for its food. Then, she walked towards the parking lot near my car and threw out birds' feed. Suddenly, a group of pigeons which had been hovering and lining up the electric cables swooped down and began feeding.

She was tired but it was like a ritual for her to feed these creatures before she went up to her lodgings. She took the trouble to feed the cat and birds. I supposed she would have to make sure she always had her stock of food ready. The young lady - made it her commitment to feed them before she went up for the night. She was just a simple, ordinary girl with not much I guess but with compassion for God's creatures. I am very much humbled.

Compassion for God's creatures. Perseverance in the quest for knowledge. Giving when she is the one who should be receiving. Little lessons in life. Huge remunerations in the after life. I am very much humbled.

Finally, I bid adieu ...

It is the final week of school for the year 2015. It also marks my countdown to my professional retirement from any teaching duties. I have psyche myself not to feel anything or get emotionally involve with anybody ... staff or students. Let me write out my final days ...

Day 1 (15 Nov 2015)  -  its work as usual. Getting the PAJSK and SEGAK forms printed out and photostated for my class students who wanted to fill in their application forms to further their studies in Form Four to Technical schools, MRSM, Vocational schools or elsewhere. With the slow internet service at this area, it was like doing a snail marathon. Finally got it done while doing relief duty at the same time. By the time, I completed this task, it was already past noon. Besides that, the co-ordinator for the PT3 English paper came for co-ordination and so far, there were no hitches regarding the marks we had given.

                                       I personally distributed the special souvenir that I had done for all the staff with the help of Wah and Ikram. It was not anticipated and they were pleasantly surprised that I am the one who was giving instead of receiving. It was just a small token of remembrance but they loved it and marvelled at its uniqueness. Some of them proclaimed that it was too special to even open the plastic covering while others wanted to put it their Quran and special books. Alhamdulillah ... I made so many people happy today. The special gifts for the special people in this school (4 only) was accepted with so much grace and appreciation. They were touched and especially Fauzi ... counting the days left to spend with me....

Each bookmark is personally hand-crocheted by Wah, ironed, starched and dried in the hot sun while the personalised name cards were cdesigned by Ikram. We added the RIP for humour effect ... ;-0))

Day  2 (16 Nov 2015)  -  I had 5 periods of relief duty as some teachers had gone off for invigilation duties for SPM and STPM exams. I had the Form Ones. As I looked at them, I was thinking how innocent and young they were. Still high in enthusiasm for friends, school and teachers. Just the other day I was passing a comment to Noor - sometimes I wished that children did not grow up. Kittens did not turn into cats. What was young remained young .... Then I looked at my Form Threes .... by this time next year they would have gone through the sixteenth birthday ... older, mature and turning into a young adult.
                                       Today I had to complete the mark sheet for the PT3 English papers. Khoo assisted me in keying the marks and I submitted all the answer scripts. Finally, it was out of my hands. Final duty done as best as I could. I also had the personal files of my class completed and submitted to the exam unit of the school.

Day 3  (17 Nov 2015)  -  Today I was not given any relief duty. Alhamdulillah. Thus, to take advantage of an unbelievable free day, I watched a movie that I had wanted to watch again for some time. "Dead Poets' Society". A fitting ending to my profession as it made me reflect how far a teacher's influence in the young lives of the students. I will do a write up just to share.

                                        One of the counsellors gave me a farewell present as she had known me for almost 10 years. I honestly did not like nor wanted anything from them. I would prefer to be the giver as it made me so satisfied to make others happy. Some students came to give me their personal gifts to say thank you. ... It was a frame of photos of us together during the farewell party at KFC.  I was so touched and I hated it as it would make me cry ....

Day 4  (18 Nov 2015)  -  Only Allah knows what was in our hearts...or in this case, Fauzi's. Last Sunday when I gave him my farewell gift which was a book "Falsafah Hidup" by Hamka ...  He was commenting that we would not meet up like this anymore. He said on Wednesday i.e. today ... he wanted to take me for a final walkabout around the school. Thursday he would be gone for invigilation.

I wrote what I felt from the heart ... how can I express  what 25 years of friendship mean to me???

                              This morning, I asked Fauzi if he would accompany me and three students followed to pay our respects to Raihan's ( 3C1 student ) father who passed away last night. Fauzi insisted on taking me out for breakfast. Then, when we reached school, he took me for a nostalgic walkabout around the school. He recollected memories of our days together for the last 25 years when I first came, stopping by the Co-op, dropped by some classes and finally ending up at the staff room where they had prepared a small party for those leaving the school - one on transfer and the other to follow her husband to Papua New Guinea. The attention from Fauzi continued with serving me drinks and whatever I wanted. I spent a couple of hours with the staff as I seldom sat in the staff room. Hmmm ... what a sweet, nostalgic day for me ... Alhamdulillah ... I hope he would not miss me much .....

                                     I opened a farewell gift from Ayu and I was speechless .... she had given me an expensive gift which was beyond my expectation .... I assumed it was something simple and practical ... I was so touched and dismayed that she had spent so much money for me. One of the staff who saw it said she valued my friendship so much .... I could just heave a long, heavy sigh .... I hope and pray that nobody will give me anything as I do not need material or physical memories ....

Final Day  (19 Nov 2015 )  -  The day started with reciting surah Yaasin and taking attendance of the students who still came to school. The PK requested I gave a farewell speech to the students but I vehemently declined. After that, it was work as usual. Tying up loose ends and making sure I completed and submitted everything required of me. I had closed the register. I had signed and handed my record book, my personal file, the check-list form, the SAL room key .... I guessed that's about it. Today, the school cafe gave me a treat and I did not pay for my food. ALhamdulillah.

                                        Today I sat in my old room - the Exam Unit as I had already handed my key to the SAL room to the GK. Milah came and gave me farewell gift although I did not want it. I am not very good at etiquette. I know I should just accept it gracefully and expressed my appreciation. Hmmm .... I was wondering why the big fuss about my retirement  ..... so many others had retired ...
A quiet day of settling what should be settled, said my goodbyes and leave the place where I had given, dedicated and committed 25 years of my life here ....

                                      As Rafiki in "The Lion King" said - "It is Time." Well, it is time to move on and face my new phase in life. A full-time housewife. I wonder if Noor is ready for this .... hahahaha .... ;-))) .... seeing his wife at home all the time instead of rushing to school early in the morning, the many outstation meetings and briefings, the times when I was so busy that we only talked during weekends ..... well, time to slow down and take one day at a time ..... in shaa Allah.

                                        Thus, at 2:10pm, I went to the office to punch my card to log out for the day. Amidst so many friends and staff, I punched my card. I had gone to see each and everyone to bid adieu and seek forgiveness so that I leave in peace. Once, I am out of the school gate, my commitment as a teacher is redundant. I took a long look around the school before I got into my car and purposely took the long route home to let the scenery of the padi fields soothe my mix feelings of leaving ... This is a favourite quote of mine since I love "Little House on the Prairie" ....

No tears were shed when I was saying goodbye - only smiles and laughter ... happy for myself ... a new phase of life awaits ...

Another Year Older and Perhaps Wiser ...

Am I? Wiser, I mean. Half a century gone ... a new phase of life will begin soon with my impending retirement .. am I wiser? Patient? Tolerant? Forgiving? What is another year to me?

 No, and neither do I wish to be younger. I think one grows confident with age. One mellows down. Where I was once an impatient person and gets upset so easily when things do not go as I want them ... I learn to just go with the flow, take a deep breath, smile and accept. I am open to see things as they are and not as I want them to. I accept weaknesses and errors. I accept the small things that may mean big to another. In fact, I would say I enjoy and appreciate life more - time spent with families especially my sons. The cats and birds who come over for their feed. The stormy weather and lashing rain. The blazing, scorching sun. The squirrels jumping from one electrical line to another. The monkeys swinging down the branches. In fact, I appreciate everything around me. Alhamdulillah.

Thus, this birthday sees me spending it with my family. A rendezvous with another friend whose birthday falls on the same date (albeit 22 years younger) has to be cancelled as she is not well. This birthday also marks the milestone I am making in my life - leaving my career. I will be a full time housewife .... :-))

Thus, I wish myself a quiet birthday. Happy in being alone. Grateful for everybody who remembers to send me wishes. Appreciate for the grace to make others happy by just being me. Alhamdulillah.
I wished myself good health, a blessed life, a great and marvellous day  ..... In shaa Allah.

Unwelcomed Resident ...

Over the years in this house, I have had so many residents which come and go. Neighbours' cats who tended to think that I owed them food and affection. Birds which perched themselves at my gate and fence and had the time of the day to prune and clean themselves leaving all sorts of droppings ... they were also waiting for their ration of bird feed. Snakes which came and went slithering off, I assumed. The fox (musang pandan) which felt that the ceiling above was their residency. I kept hearing steps, clawing and I suppose having a ball up there when you could hear them rolling and jumping .... Not to mention the occasional monkeys who peered through the door and screen door .... not forgetting the rare monitor lizard (biawak) passing by.... and finally, the guest I was referring to was the ... rat.

This rodent and its family had come and go all the years we were here. Sometimes we noticed only one - as if we could distinguish their differences in looks ... ;-)) .... and usually Noor would set a trap to catch them. More often than not, we always did catch them. Yesterday we caught one and the neighbours' cats (a family of a mother cat and her two kittens) as usual came whenever the door was opened and demanded their ration of friskies. They saw the poor rat and this was their reaction ....

The poor rat miscalculated and got trapped ...

Waiting patiently for their friskies while watching the rat in the cage until curiosity got the better of them  

Finally when they saw their food, all about the rat was forgotten ...

So, what are we going to do about this poor rodent? That will be Noor's problem ... if it is up to me, I will let it go ...

It Is Worth It ... ;=))

Nothing was more touching than being given something so memorable and valuable that even words just could not describe the feeling. All I could do was just hugged it close to me and looked at the givers with love and affection. I felt so valued, so appreciated and so loved by these ex-students of mine. What had they given me? A collection of our photos together with scribbles from them pouring out their heartfelt thanks and love ... Did I really mean that much to them??? I might have taught thousands of students spanning 4 states for 31 years .... but this batch of 2013 really outdone themselves. Why?

 It was a week before their SPM exam and they took the trouble to get together, printed out the photos, decorated the album with touching words and got their ex-classmates from other classes now (in Form Four they went to separate classes according to their PMR results) ... and gave me in person on the day before the SPM. All I could say was a big, teary-eyed thank you ...

From my class of 2015 ...

They gave me flowers because they knew I would love it. Ros baked a cake for us. The most touching part was when Shiqin told me that her grandmother sponsored the cupcakes which 5 of them made themselves because I used to teach her mother and now her ... hahahaha ...two generations of her family ... oh dear ... anyway, I felt so honoured. Husna gave me a burger piggy bank because she said I should learn to save money now ... huhuhu ... and a few gave notes and self-made cards ... 

It made my whole life worth it .... teaching them, educating them, opening their hearts and minds, touching their lives and letting them touched mine too ... for better or for worse ... all of us had made a difference in each of our lives. Not only had they gained from me ... but I became much richer in everything because of them ... 

Hello November .... Goodbye October .... ;-}}

This year I bade November welcome with much anticipation and hope. I am going to start a new phase of my life cycle. Count down to my pre-retirement stage. Professionally, I will be out of my career on 19th November.

Welcome November. Be kind and gentle with my tired body, heart and soul. May Allah graces me with his love and blessings. Whatever comes my way .... I have learned to accept them with grace, gratitude, strength, patience and tolerance. I have learned to hold my head up, take a deep breath and smile. I have learned to be happy with whatever it is and make the best of the situation.

Thus, November .... take me into your month ...... gently, tenderly and compassionately. ;-))

Hazy Days ..

Last I posted in my blog about the haze was four days ago. I assumed the situation was getting better but as of yesterday and today (Thursday and Friday) another schools closure day was announced. It was getting worse and moving northwards, Kedah recorded a new high in API level surpassing 230. We had never reached beyond a reading of 170 which caused the schools to be closed. Well, another free holiday but it was really hazy. Yet, I still went for my walk to the park as I was cooped up in the house for the past two days due to a bad back. Very few people were around.There were the usual hardcore walkers and joggers and some were wearing masks. I knew it was better to be safe than sorry but I just could not breathe with the mask on !!!! So, with my back complaining and groaning, I walked my usual three rounds albeit much slower. As hazy as it was, I still felt refreshed and emotionally happier just to get out.

On the way to the park at 7:00am. Hazy and foggy ... a bit thicker and it is entering the twilight zone

5:00pm - the sun trying to shine through the haze. At 6:00pm before I left the park, the sun had turned reddish in colour

I went for my walk twice. Once in the morning and in the evening. There were fewer people and the situation was still hazy with an API reading of 243 by 5:00pm.

Friday. It rained very heavily about 4:00am. I was grateful because it would help to reduce the haze situation. I went for my morning walk happily because the air after the rain was so cooling and refreshing. I have always loved after the rain day. Still hazy ...yes but the cool effect was worth it. A respite from the burning smell and heat of the past week. The park was quite empty although it's a weekend. The tai-chi group, aerobics and most senior citizens were not here today. Thank you, Allah. Alhamdulillah. Despite the haze, I could still go on with my life. I learn to be more appreciative and not to take simple pleasures in life for granted. Fresh air. Clean water. Lush, green trees. Lovely, colourful flowers. Peace. Safety. Birds and squirrels all over the park. Clean environment. Alhamdulillah.

Final Outing .....

For the first time in as many years (more than ten years I guess) I have never been involved in school or field trips with students anymore. If I have to attend any event with students involved, I usually go on my own. Since I was involved with the school's exam unit, I hardly get myself involved in any students' related activities.

Thus, it was a surprise to the school that I volunteered to accompany the Form Three students who were chosen to go to the Soka Gakkai "Everything You Treasure" Exhibition. It was an exhibition on the banning of nuclear weapons. It was interesting, informative and we all learned something new. The Soka Gakkai group had everything very well-organised and prepared. The way they welcomed us was very thoughtful and we were honoured that we were invited to attend the exhibition. They even sent the bus for us. I guess I will let the pictures speak for them ...

The students that had me as one of the accompanying teachers ..

They welcomed us holding a personalised board with the name of our school

A replica of the atomic bomb that was dropped onto Nagasaki/Hiroshima named "Fat Man"

The replica of the other bomb named "Little Boy"

We were given a briefing on the history of the atomic bombs, effects, and what the world was doing about it

One of the young presenters that attracted lots of fans among the girls ...;-))

We were given the picture of the bomb and to draw what life would be if there were no nuclear bombs

The must have group photo ...