Do you miss them ?

A very interesting question .... does it deserve a reply? Or shall we say that the question is so rhetorical that it does not even deserve an answer. What was the question about? A new staff and I were talking about children and she, who has two young kids, asked me if I missed mine. ..... ;-}}
Once someone also asked me another related question - "Why did you let them go?"

Three sons. Three different states. Three individuals with very different looks, identities and they bond not only as brothers but friends. I always try to be fair and love them equally,

Akmal, the first born, was a much awaited arrival for us. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and he became the first born. A very handsome baby with brownish, wavy hair and fair skin ... even the doctors proclaimed him as a handsome boy. Yet, look at him now - he's getting burnt with all the diving activities which is part of his job as a Research Assistant. He is doing his M(Sc) in Marine Science at UMS, Kota Kinabalu. Most of the time he is exasperating with his arguments and justifications that if you manage to win one discussion with him is quite a feat. Analytical, caring, obliging ..... patient and tolerant but with a temper quite unlike the mother. A risk taker which always worries me. Always trying to keep a brave front and a don't care attitude but deep down he is the most caring young man as his own friends had testified.

Syafiq. My second born who came a year later. I wanted a friend for Akmal. Where Akmal is so outgoing, Syafiq is more of an introvert and cautious of new people. His curiosity and inquisitiveness always land him in trouble or minor accidents. His shy demeanour can be so misleading .... he is the son who could so easily be mistaken for a Chinese boy. He takes time to warm up to people including his aunties and uncles. He is pampered but not spoilt. Always so considerate and thinking of others. Polite and tolerant. Giving. Always obliging. The most significant trait is how he always gets his way around those close to him to give him a treat that we nickname him "Chong" as he always manage to "pow" others including his father - which is a cap in his feather as that man is not easily conned into agreeing with anything. :-]))))

Ikram. Aloof, keeps to himself a lot, serious, wise and much matured than his second brother. He is 2 years younger than Syafiq. Even his paternal cousins do not dare to joke around with him. Yet, once he lets his guard down, he shows that he too, has a sense of humour. He has the patience and seldom loses his cool.He is cautious and always thinks before he acts. Quite cynical too. Quite vain and attractive with a charming smile. I have always enjoyed gallivanting and travelling with him. He is very patient with Syafiq and always gives in to whatever Syafiq wants. Yet, Syafiq, being a giving person, always gets his gadgets for him; whether he likes it or not .... ;-{{  He is also the one who will walk beside me instead of in front or behind me.

Akmal and Ikram went off to boarding school since Form One. I recalled the day I left each of them at age 12 on their own in the hands of the school far away from home ... I tried so hard to control my tears in front of them. I told myself that I had left them in a good place and left them in Allah's hands - I guess that was why they grew up very fast. Compared to Syafiq who stayed home with me as he did not want to stay at the hostel. He was in a Technical school near home and along my way to school, so I drove him to his school and picked him up after school regardless of his schedule or if I was on one of my exam panel duties.

Why did I let them go .... because they are not mine to hang on to. Children are gifts from Allah to be taken care of, to be responsible for and to let them go when He said it is time. I believe that the more you let them go, the more they will come back to you. No obligation. Just commitment that we belong to each other. Very far yet so near. Always close to my heart.

Yes, I miss them. I love them unconditionally although they can drive me up the wall with their questioning, justifying, disagreeing, indecisiveness, procrastination, arguing for arguments sake ..... we do a lot of things together when they are home - shopping, watching movies, trying out new eateries, just taking a walk, go out for a drink ....  they are not only my sons but also best friends ....