If it is so wrong, why is it so right?

"If it is so wrong, why is it so right? If it is so good, why does it feel it so bad?"

People said that everything happens for a reason yet we never really questioned the reasons. Should we? Could we? Do we?

When you are contemplating and mulling over what is happening in your life trying to decide if what is happening is a blessing or a test ... you are at a loss to explain or understand the reasons. All you can do is just to take a deep breath, exhale slowly and istighfar. Astaghfirullah hal 'azim. You feel such a heavy weight in your heart. Is it wrong to feel a litlle happy? To feel comfort? To feel so compatible? To feel such an easy feeling? To feel that one is important enough to be considered for some of the other person's precious time?

How true isn't it? We have experienced hurts and loss. Now that we have been given the grace of meeting again not by design or planned ..... we have the opportunity but we cannot take it.
"..... but it is wrong to say about the past, about how to bury it. Because the past claws its way out." (The Kite Flyer - Khaled Hosseini)  The past just comes up without being asked to. Its clarity and precise moments are like a rewinded tape. We want to hold on but we have to let go.

Thus, the question arises - can we be friends? Knowing that we have a history together albeit a long time ago, can we be just friends? Upsetting our whole mission in life - to seek His acceptance. Life was peaceful and calm. Maybe not as what we expected or wanted but it is comfortable. Is it worth it then just for a few hours of pleasure, we are beseiged with guilt? One thinks that once the heart has been walled up and locked, nothing can ever get through it.

Maybe all these things that have happened mean that it is time to let go and take our leave. Life will be empty for a while but it will more safer emotionally, spiritually and religiously. It will be more settled and somehow, contented. We will think of each other, wondering if one is alright, yet we know that Allah will take care of him or her. The most that we can do as a friend is to pray for him or her.