Hello November .... Goodbye October .... ;-}}

This year I bade November welcome with much anticipation and hope. I am going to start a new phase of my life cycle. Count down to my pre-retirement stage. Professionally, I will be out of my career on 19th November.

Welcome November. Be kind and gentle with my tired body, heart and soul. May Allah graces me with his love and blessings. Whatever comes my way .... I have learned to accept them with grace, gratitude, strength, patience and tolerance. I have learned to hold my head up, take a deep breath and smile. I have learned to be happy with whatever it is and make the best of the situation.

Thus, November .... take me into your month ...... gently, tenderly and compassionately. ;-))

Hazy Days ..

Last I posted in my blog about the haze was four days ago. I assumed the situation was getting better but as of yesterday and today (Thursday and Friday) another schools closure day was announced. It was getting worse and moving northwards, Kedah recorded a new high in API level surpassing 230. We had never reached beyond a reading of 170 which caused the schools to be closed. Well, another free holiday but it was really hazy. Yet, I still went for my walk to the park as I was cooped up in the house for the past two days due to a bad back. Very few people were around.There were the usual hardcore walkers and joggers and some were wearing masks. I knew it was better to be safe than sorry but I just could not breathe with the mask on !!!! So, with my back complaining and groaning, I walked my usual three rounds albeit much slower. As hazy as it was, I still felt refreshed and emotionally happier just to get out.

On the way to the park at 7:00am. Hazy and foggy ... a bit thicker and it is entering the twilight zone

5:00pm - the sun trying to shine through the haze. At 6:00pm before I left the park, the sun had turned reddish in colour

I went for my walk twice. Once in the morning and in the evening. There were fewer people and the situation was still hazy with an API reading of 243 by 5:00pm.

Friday. It rained very heavily about 4:00am. I was grateful because it would help to reduce the haze situation. I went for my morning walk happily because the air after the rain was so cooling and refreshing. I have always loved after the rain day. Still hazy ...yes but the cool effect was worth it. A respite from the burning smell and heat of the past week. The park was quite empty although it's a weekend. The tai-chi group, aerobics and most senior citizens were not here today. Thank you, Allah. Alhamdulillah. Despite the haze, I could still go on with my life. I learn to be more appreciative and not to take simple pleasures in life for granted. Fresh air. Clean water. Lush, green trees. Lovely, colourful flowers. Peace. Safety. Birds and squirrels all over the park. Clean environment. Alhamdulillah.

Final Outing .....

For the first time in as many years (more than ten years I guess) I have never been involved in school or field trips with students anymore. If I have to attend any event with students involved, I usually go on my own. Since I was involved with the school's exam unit, I hardly get myself involved in any students' related activities.

Thus, it was a surprise to the school that I volunteered to accompany the Form Three students who were chosen to go to the Soka Gakkai "Everything You Treasure" Exhibition. It was an exhibition on the banning of nuclear weapons. It was interesting, informative and we all learned something new. The Soka Gakkai group had everything very well-organised and prepared. The way they welcomed us was very thoughtful and we were honoured that we were invited to attend the exhibition. They even sent the bus for us. I guess I will let the pictures speak for them ...

The students that had me as one of the accompanying teachers ..

They welcomed us holding a personalised board with the name of our school

A replica of the atomic bomb that was dropped onto Nagasaki/Hiroshima named "Fat Man"

The replica of the other bomb named "Little Boy"

We were given a briefing on the history of the atomic bombs, effects, and what the world was doing about it

One of the young presenters that attracted lots of fans among the girls ...;-))

We were given the picture of the bomb and to draw what life would be if there were no nuclear bombs

The must have group photo ...

The Haze is Back ...

Isn't it ironic? At the beginning of 2015, we had the floods which caused schools to close for another week. Now, towards the end of the school year (4 more weeks) we are facing the haze which is causing erratic closing down of schools for certain states one day at a time. This time around the haze, which does not bother us so much all these years, suddenly escalates in thickness and volume. We could hardly breathe and most of us with respiratory problems start to suffer asthmatic symptoms again.

The haze caused a shut down of most schools in Peninsular Malaysia for two days. While we rejoiced the free holiday, it actually set the schools back in their activities, examinations and programmes planned. It is like a smoke screen has enveloped the entire country.

Where I am now, reaching my school is like going through the twilight zone on bad, hazy days. Early morning and you can hardly see the school until you come right in front of the gate. Suddenly, you can see this building in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of the afternoon, one can hardly see the view of Gunung Jerai from across the school field. Actually, that is the view that one sees on a clear day when one heads towards the school. Now, hardly anything can be seen but a smoke screen.

When Eton came to visit last week, she also commented that she could not see any clouds either. She thought north was not as bad as the centre of the country. 5:30pm is like 7:00pm. I cannot distinguish or identify whether it is cloudy or hazy .... yet since I can still see the landscape clearly, I go for my usual walk at the park. Yes, it affects the throat and most of us were coughing to clear the throat ... life still goes on. ;-0}}

The view of Gunung Jerai from the fourth floor in August

The view of Gunung Jerai at 2:30pm on 15 OCTOBER 2015

You can hardly see Gunung Jerai at 3:30pm on 15 OCTOBER 2015

What An Honour ;-0))

"Aku selalu bertanya - adakah dia bahagia?"

Che Soo Ismail, a prolific and talented short story writer in Malay newspapers and radios, was recounting her first love story. It was also one of her short stories collection. She had an interested audience in me so she had fun regaling the best parts of the story. Now that the man of her affection is a widower, she has no intention of renewing or rekindling the past. Her excuse - he is no longer the handsome, dashing man he used to be !!!! I had a good laugh over that. She said she had managed to maintain herself and was disappointed when he let himself go. He looked old and fat. Hmmm ....

For someone who did not even complete her primary schooling (she stopped schooling at Standard 5 as she was lazy - she was a straight forward, honest and open person.) She is intelligent but lazy. And spoilt by her father and four elder brothers. She was not embarrassed with herself nor her living quarters. She lives in a squatter area where neighbours can just about peek into her house and see everything. But that is the beauty of it as she gets her ideas for writing from just observing the people around her.

One would think that how could someone who had no formal education in the Malay language could create stories and dramas using the beauty of the language. The structure, the grammar, the idioms, the aesthetic of the language itself. How humbling that some people asked me to write when I, a graduate in English Literature, do not think I am that creative or artistic. I love language and appreciate the beauty of it. That was why I had enjoyed our intellectual discussion and changing of opinions and how one looked at things. I might not be very good in expressing myself in Malay and she might not understand English very well but we got along with gestures and translation. Even if some of my points got lost in translation .... hahahaha ....    ;-))

I was curious as to how she first started writing. How did she teach herself the language. How she first got her story published.... She was open enough about it. She started with the story of her background and family. The years of staying home but she never stopped reading and improving herself. She never had a formal teacher or whatever but she watched TV and listened to drama on the radio. A very pampered child as she is the only girl and the youngest in a family of 5 siblings. Her writings sustained her as her main income. She even managed to look after her mother with the income generated from her writings. Now she lives alone in the family house. Even though her brothers asked her to move in with them, she preferred to be on her own. She is a fiercely independent woman even though she does not drive or own any form of vehicle. She is very friendly and easy going. Very simple and talkative. She has a positive outlook towards anybody or anything. Everything happens for a reason, she surmises.

Now she is writing her first novel for DBP. Eton is her editor. She gave me the story line which was about family, relationship, responsibility and love. The idea came from one of the residents here. I had the privilege and honour to listen to her story board as she presented it to Eton. I told Eton I wanted an autographed copy of her masterpiece when it was published ....

I had met and talked to Pak Sako, another great Malay writer when I was in Form Six. I also had the privilege of attending a talk by Prof. Muhammad Hj Salleh - "Si Tenggang Homecoming" when I was studying at USM. We even had a lively discussion about one of his literary works which we had to do under Malaysia and Singapore literature. Dr. Sunny Tan.... Prof. Gitu.....  All intellectuals. Academicians. Is it not humbling that a simple woman of Standard Five qualification can stand tall among equals in producing literary works? My salute and respect towards Che Soo Ismail. As Eton said she has talent. She should know because she chooses Che Soo.

** One can just type Che Soo Ismail in the search engine and one can read some of her writings.

 
 

Salam Maal Hijrah 1437

As I was doing my walk at the park this morning, my mind was reflecting what the year before had been. I would say, personally, it was a year full of ups and downs. A year of uplifting experiences, memorable occasions, miserable incidents, happy times, sad times, proud moments, embarrassing situations ...

It was upsetting enough to start the year a week later than scheduled due to the floods in the east coast that would not subside. This meant the school year would end a week later. Then, sometime middle of the year, there was a major flood especially in Kelantan where thousands of residents were displaced and lose their homes. A few months ago, we had the worst haze in history as schools were ordered close for two days in the whole of Peninsular Malaysia except for Kelantan. Exams schedule were disrupted. Schools' activities were cancelled. Classes were closed. The haze is still hanging on. I still cannot view Mount Jerai from my school. It is still hazy over the padi fields towards Mount Jerai. Besides these major natural disasters, we have rabies, dengue, heat wave, infectious diseases .....

Minor disappointments and tests. Akmal was supposed to go to Bangkok to present a paper but it was cancelled due to a flu-like infectious disease some time in the middle of the year. Ikram was supposed to go for his Dean List award but his foreign language lecturer decided to have a test on the said day. He would not miss his test. Syafiq contemplated changing his minor as it had more job opportunities. Noor was supposed to go to Singapore to meet his Ivory Coast staff but it was cancelled due to the haze. We all accepted that it was meant to be and perhaps better things were meant for us. Akmal still got to present a paper next year but in Hawaii. Ikram still managed to secure a Dean List award for last semester. So, there is another chance to attend to this prestigious function. Syafiq decided to change his minor as he said it was easier. Well, they are used to make their own decisions. As parents, we gave all the support and encouragement. Noor's counterparts from Ivory Coast are coming to KL instead of Singapore for their week long training next week. So, everything has a way of working itself out by the grace of Allah.

As for me, it had been a very busy and hectic year. My application for optional early retirement was finally approved last week. Alhamdulillah. The LPM, JPN and school had fully used me with my co-ordination, observation, series of talks for English, writing reports, pre and post coordination meetings, conducting oral tests .... what with my five exam classes ..... professionally, I have given my all. I have done my best and I hope whatever knowledge I have shared, they will make full use of it now and forever. I am contented, satisfied and proud of myself. I do not expect anything neither do I want anything in return.

As usual, with ageing comes deaths, sickness and diseases. Friends passing away, admitted for strokes, diabetes, heart ailments and of course, accidents that disabled them physically and mentally. All these affected me and I hope I had learned a lesson from them. I managed to get Noor to be more concerned about his health. We changed our lifestyle and hope to lead a better and more productive life. He said he needed motivation but I told him it must come from himself. I could only do so much but whatever changes, he must do it because he wanted to. So, Alhamdulillah, hope it will be consistent ....

What a wonderful and comforting thought that Bapak had left something for us even in death. After almost half a century, we found out that he had left two lots of prime land right in the centre of Peringgit. Unknown even to my late eldest brother who passed away last year. It was when the state government wanted that land for road expansion, that they managed to locate the heirs to the lands concerned. It might not make me any wealthier as it had to be divided among so many of us but it was a comforting thought.

What a year. Full of trials and tribulations. Rewards and abundance in wealth. Disappointments and tests. Happiness and glory. Yet, with faith and belief, we face all these with prayers, hopes and smiles. Nothing is too tough or difficult. May 1437H be a peaceful, smooth and blessed year. May this year be better than the last. It is all up to us. To all my page reviewers .... have a meaningful, blessed and great year. In shaa Allah.

Lukisan Takdir

"Lukisan Takdir" or loosely translates as "A Painting of Fate". A telemovie showed a few months ago I suppose. I hardly watched television but since I wanted to finish off my internet quota for the month, I browsed through tonton.com and watched this telemovie as I was attracted to its title and besides, I loved paintings. It was worth it as I liked the story line but in reality, it was too good to be true. Anyway, here is the story ...

It is about Razif and Rita who are both married. Razif to a socialite wife. Outgoing, extrovert, enjoys shopping and is sociable. Wealthy. Razif on the other hand, a top-notch boss, prefers solitude. He loves painting and has a few paintings on show at an art gallery. He likes the quiet life. He indulges the wife but both go about their own pursuits. Together but alone.

Rita, on the other hand, is also married to a dreamer and loser. A selfish, self-centered man who always tries to control her physically and emotionally. Puts her talent in drawing as amateurish and insignificant. She becomes quite inferior and low self-esteem with her own self. She is also physically abused by her husband. She retaliates in her own quiet self and sketches as her way out.

Both are committed to their marriage vows. Responsible and obliged. Lonely yet fulfill themselves with their own hobbies. They finally met through a painting. Both have the same friend - an art gallery owner. Rita admires a painting of a lone man standing by a window. His face unseen as he was looking out through it. But the artist uses a pseudonym and her friend will not reveal who the true artist is. They become friends and coincidentally Razif is Rita's boss.

Some pertinent questions - when Rita asks Razif if he is happy in his marriage. He answers "not happy but doing good". The answer is open to interpretation. When she asks again "Don't you think this is wrong?" Referring to them going out together. Painting together. Having drinks together. He asks what is wrong with this? They are just two people meeting up in a public place. If she looks around, so many other couples are round them. If it means a little happiness, why should it be wrong?

The climax of the story is when Rita's husband confront Razif for going out with his wife. He confronts Rita at home and beats her. She finally takes the plunge and walk out of the marriage. When she calls Razif for support, Razif cannot answer the call. His wife is diagnosed with stage three cancer and needs his support physically and emotionally. Razif obliges and fully commits himself to her.

Rita, realises that she is being let down. She cannot trust anybody. She decides to resign and moves on when Razif does not contact her again. She never knows the reason why. She feels rejected and decides to pick up the pieces and moves on. She moves away from her home, changes her phone
number and just disappear. She starts painting and starts a business selling chocolate  cakes. That is how she meets Razif's wife. Razif's wife gets better with total attention and care from Razif. She wants to hold a thanksgiving. She eats a chocolate cake at one of the cafes and places an order of 500 pieces. Unknowingly, both of them meet and the whole puzzle unravels by itself. When Razif's wife comes to Rita's house to collect the cakes, she sees the painting of a lone man standing by the window. She immediately realises it is her husband's painting. The art gallery owner says the artist has given it to Rita as a present. Then, when Razif walks into the house, it dawns on his wife that this is the woman whom he has fallen in love with. Razif manages to explain why he is missing all those times when his wife excuses herself to the bathroom. Rita finally realises that what has happened to them is just fate.

Razif's wife is actually happy for him as she is worried what will happen when she dies. She begs him to find someone else. Secretly she meets up with Rita and asks her to go back to Razif when she is gone. She knows she has not long to live. At the same time, Rita-s ex-husband comes back for a reconciliation. Begging her forgiveness and asking her to consider returning to him as he has changed.....

The finale is at the art gallery where they meet and discover their same interest. Rita finally has her own art show. Razif turns up and both admire the painting he draws of his late wife. Rita's ex-husband walks in and discuss the painting amicably with her about it. No more angry words but is very cordial and courteous towards her. Razif watch from afar and is happy for her. Suddenly, a lady comes and puts her hand around Rita's ex-husband's arm. They say goodbye and walk-off together. Razif, hopes renew, walks to her and using hand gestures, asks about those two. Rita just smiles and using her hands says that both of them are separated and he is now with another woman. Razif heaves a huge sigh of relief and his face breaks off in a happy smile. Rita asks him out for coffee and they
walk off happily together ....

Sweet, touching and happy that somehow things unravel at last  .... no matter how long it takes .... if it is meant to be, it will be .... as fated. Can we then, question fate???  Only heaven knows ....

Will I Miss All These???

Screaming. Screeching. Yelling at the top of their voices. Running here and there. Up and down the stairs. Calling out from one building to another. Yelling at each other in the same class as though you do not exist. Running up and down the corridor like baby elephants as you can really hear the building trembling and shaking with their stomping feet. The young ones seem to run instead of walking. The older ones dawdle like ducks - taking their own sweet time to reach their destination. Talking at the top of their voices as if they are deaf. The frequent infightings. The class truants. The school chipsmore - morning you see him and after recess he is somewhere else. The school has about 9 blocks thus there are so many hideouts that students thought only they knew. Little do they realise that the discipline teachers do too. Hence, the running around to avoid being caught.

On the other hand, when I was invigilating the form Three's in the hall during their trial exam, another teacher approached me and talked to me. I was just smiling at her and taking a good, long look at the faces of 241 students. She asked me what I was thinking. I told her I had never thought of opting out until it was time. I loved teaching and I knew I was good at it. I looked at the faces of the future and felt compassion towards them. I had always liked it when they got their results and that they had done well despite the shortcomings of no tuition, lack of latest technology and facilities, no money to buy extra books or anything to their advantage as their counterparts in urban area did. They were not just students but my children for the year. To mold them, nurture and help them grow by pointing them in the direction of their choices. To guide them academically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. To love and care about them. The reason why I prefer the term "anak murid" instead of "pelajar" as anak means child. Mine for the year .... until I let them go to the next form or level .... Today is the last day in my series of talks on how to approach the question paper next week. I have done my best, given my best and shared everything I have. May they fully use the knowledge given. My last and final talk .....

Yet, I was opting out. Naturally she asked why? Sadly I answered that the passion was no longer there. I felt burnt out with the system, the injustice, the inconsistency of any decisions, the indecisiveness of any discussion, the indiscipline which was getting out of hand .... I just gave up. My heart was no longer in it. I thought about it for almost a year. I discussed with my sons and my sisters. I talked about it with Noor who supported whatever decision I made. He would be happy for me. He knew that I was unhappy with the system and my school. I have no problems with my colleagues or my administrators. They kept asking me to retract the approval letter. I am very sure of my decision and Allah has made everything so smooth for me.

Will I miss all these? Maybe. Yet I know if I have done my best for them, they will always remember me  .... I do not ask for anything in return. Neither gratification or appreciation. I know I have their respect. It is enough. I know I have touched thousands of young lives and I know somehow I have made a difference. I may not have done much but I have done everything I could with all my heart ...

A very meaningful poem from our Sasterawan Negara - Usman Awang

SAJAK “GURU O GURU” – USMAN AWANG (1979)

Berburu ke padang datar
Dapat rusa belang kaki
Berguru kepala ajar
Ibarat bunga kembang tak jadi

Dialah pemberi paling setia
Tiap akar ilmu miliknya
Pelita dan lampu segala
Untuk manusia sebelum jadi dewasa.

Dialah ibu dialah bapa juga sahabat
Alur kesetiaan mengalirkan nasihat
Pemimpin yang ditauliahkan segala umat
Seribu tahun katanya menjadi hikmat.

Jika hari ini seorang Perdana Menteri berkuasa
Jika hari ini seorang Raja menaiki takhta
Jika hari ini seorang Presiden sebuah negara
Jika hari ini seorang ulama yang mulia
Jika hari ini seorang peguam menang bicara
Jika hari ini seorang penulis terkemuka
Jika hari ini siapa sahaja menjadi dewasa;

Sejarahnya dimulakan oleh seorang guru biasa
Dengan lembut sabarnya mengajar tulis-baca.
Di mana-mana dia berdiri di muka muridnya
Di sebuah sekolah mewah di Ibu Kota
Di bangunan tua sekolah Hulu Terengganu
Dia adalah guru mewakili seribu buku;
Semakin terpencil duduknya di ceruk desa
Semakin bererti tugasnya kepada negara.

Jadilah apa pun pada akhir kehidupanmu, guruku
Budi yang diapungkan di dulangi ilmu
Panggilan keramat “cikgu” kekal terpahat
Menjadi kenangan ke akhir hayat.

I especially love the boldened stanza. What is anyone without a teacher in his life? Not just a professional teacher but everyone - mother, father, family, siblings, friends, foe or anyone or anything - which one encounters in his lifetime ....

Heart And Soul - Maeve Binchy

I was first introduced to Maeve Binchy books when I read "Circle of Friends" and "Tara Road"which I borrowed from the public library years ago. It was a very comforting read. Her easy, conversational style of writing always gives you a warm, satisfying feeling especially when you are so stressed out with whatever is bothering you in reality.

"Heart and Soul" was another such read. A lovely, feel good book, would be my judgment. A happy read as I was stressed with all the intensive and focussed revision for the PT3 exam. As the school had arranged a flexi time-table which started from 7:40am to 3:00pm everyday after the Hari Raya Haji break, the teachers and students were quite stretched out. My schedule was set on Mondays and Wednesdays. Thus, on other days it was relief duty or being in the hall minding the students at the back so that they paid attention and maintaining the discipline. After getting most of my work done, I was quite free. I chose this book from my collection of yet to be read books. Something light, easy, comforting, gentle and relaxing. It is also humorous and I have fun laughing and enjoying the well-written book.

The story is of family, friends, patients and others who work at a heart clinic. It is modern yet conventional. Uptown yet still developing Dublin. Sophisticated yet wholesome. Exasperating yet motivational. The heart clinic community are intertwined and inter-related with each other. It is actually idealistic and almost perfect. It is also a love story of sorts where broken hearts meet someone new. Opposites do attract and one does not settle for being comfortable without the "zing zing" in the matters of the heart. Why settle for someone mediocre just to feel safe and not lonely? What is life without passion and excitement? What is life together without love?

The affairs of Declan, the young plain-looking inferior doctor with the outgoing, extrovert, easy-going Fiona who is actually very hurt and afraid to love and commit again to another man. The plotting of Clara (the cardiologist who heads this community) with Hilary (the administrator) to match up their children. Clara with the hospital administrator, Frank. Finally, a match for her intelligence and personality. Barbara with David, both friends of Fiona. Ania, a Polish immigrant with Carl, the son of a pleasant, wealthy father and an arrogant, high-class mother. It is all well-written and woven with such a pleasant feel to it. When I read it, I am also involved with everybody and wish them well. That things have a way of working out by themselves, God willing.

The characters are like any normal, working people eking out a living. Each has a life of insecurity, love, disdain, arrogance, humility, tolerance, hurts, resentment, regrets, sense of hopelessness ... where one has family problems with children who always claim that parents do not understand them. Where parents just have to accept that their children do not epitomise their own ideals and hopes. The modern generation vs the older generation.

I am not doing a review. My sons asked me why do I read and write about it? Like doing an assignment. I read and analyse it because I have enjoyed it. Besides, I do not want my brains and mind to become redundant and just read for reading sake. I may not have someone to thrash it out like when I was in university so ... I write about it. So that if someone who visits my page or page reviewer reads about it, might be tempted to pick up the book and also enjoy it. I write it from my point of view. It is not academic nor heavily analysed. Just writing from the heart ... :-0))

My final comment - You feel sad when you have completed the book. It's time to say goodbye and hope things work out for everybody.