When Do We Let Go?

As parents, instinctively we will try to protect as long as we possibly can the innocence and naivety of our child. Observe how protective mother animals are of their brood. Whether its a cat, mother hen, tigress or even smaller creatures. We try, as parents, to shield them from outer forces that can hurt, injure or maim our precious child. In our protectiveness, either we give them too little or too much knowledge on how to face problems, failures, disappointments, hurts or rejection. Perhaps too, on how to be grateful, accepting and appreciative. Thus, when we finally let go of the apron strings, is the child equipped to face all these predicaments and more?

Some children face everything that comes their way by accepting whatever it offers. Some have it easy as they are well-prepared to face it. On the other hand, some face it the hard way. Some stumble and fall. Some grope and hang on. While some just face it headlong. The most important thing is how to get up, brush the dust off the back and stoically move on with a smile. Only experience can teach them.

Thus, the question is - should the parents just let them fall and get up again and again? Hoping that they have learned something along the way? Should we just stand on the side lines and look on? Should we just stand back and give them support and encouragement? Where do we draw the line bordering on getting involve and letting the children to learn to cope and fend for themselves? Where do we learn to draw the line between being protective and not caring? Is it not being callous and heartless? Is too much love, over protectiveness and being careful make these children vulnerable and easy targets for emotional blackmail or heart aches?

It is never easy to become a parent. At what age do we let go and let the children grow up? There are simply no specific guidelines. Every child is different. Each has its own personalities, characteristics and idiosyncracies. Hence, when the child is going through a heart break, an emotional upheaval, mentally tormented, physically abusive or mind shattering normalcy .... how well do they cope with it? What can we, as parents, do?

Just watch from afar while being tormented ourselves? Go running to them, hug them tight and blow the pain away? Talk some sense into them and assure them of our love, support and acceptance? What do we do? We cry for them. We hope and pray for them. How much can we butt in and get involve without trampling over their ego, self-confidence and self-esteem? We watch in silence innocence lost. Faith challenged. Lost souls. Empty hearts. How much can we, as parents, take?

I wish with all my heart and soul that I have the answers to all the questions posed above. I wish with all my human might that I am able to shield my own sons from heart aches, malicious slander, emotional upheaval, physical pain, upsets, degradation, defamation, mental blockage .... I can only watch from afar. Shed tears of hopelessness. Pray that whatever happens in their lives will only strengthen their faith and belief that whatever Allah has decreed upon them are the best for their lives. That whatever happens, happens for a reason - to remind us, to teach us or to reprimand us. Thus far, a parent will, at the end of the day, knows the balance of letting go and holding on.