It's so deceiving...

Sunday, 29th July, 2012. 9th Ramadhan 1433H. Well, I went to my mechanic and he advised me not to send the car to someone that I did not know or unsure of the work quality. He recommended a shop and I found that Omayah knew that foreman as she sent her car there too. So, I called her and she made herself free to take me there and we settled the car's problem.

I called that man and he did not pick up the phone. I left a message and he called while we were on our way to my school. How manipulative humans could be in just a day! :-{   Surprisingly, I was not angry and where his tone of voice was more defensive instead of apologetic as was yesterday, I kept my voice level and humbled. I apologized for waking him up as he got home late from work. Now, he queried whether it was I who knocked into his car or he into mine. Excuse me....look at the photos!  :-0  He was getting defensive and raised his voice when he heard that my estimated cost was Rm600. He said his mechanic estimated only Rm400. Fine...I said. He kept berating about it and asked if I had sent my car to the foreman. I said yes and he was more upset. I felt so exhausted. I was not a confrontational person neither was I prepared to listen to him anymore as he kept manipulating details. Omayah listened and asked me to stop the conversation which was going no where and told him I would contact him when everything was settled.

I was prepared to ask only 50% of what was estimated. I considered that maybe I was at fault too for not seeing him reversing his car. Now, I did not feel like asking from him anything if that made him happy. Omayah said he should also pay even a little so that he would feel responsible and learn a lesson. I was so drained of energy emotionally and physically. I hate people to do this to me. I did not do anything to him!!! My old friend called and cheered me up. Thus, I was in a better shape emotionally although physically still tired. I went to class and left that man somewhere in the twilight zone. I will face him when the time comes. If I feel up to it. :-)  

Trials....Punishment...OR Expiation...?????

Saturday, 28th July 2012. 8th Ramadhan 1433H. You always thought it's just going to be another straight forward, normal, no earth shattering weekend. :-{ ....   this weekend was so so tiring and exhausting.

The day started normal enough. I went for my tafakkur ad-din class even though I was so exhausted. I just pushed myself to get up. Sometimes I marvelled at the strength and patience that Allah bestowed upon me. I still felt dizzy and light-headed. Maybe due to the medication. I knew I needed time to heal my body after the minor operation but I just continued to self-abuse my body. Nobody cared anyway. As long as I did not upset anybody's routine, it's just a small sacrifice. Maybe I should just learn to be selfish.

When I returned from class, all I could do was lie down on the sofa. I just felt so lethargic but the class was worth going. I rested for a while and forced myself to get up for Zohor prayers. After that, I started cooking for Ikram and the others. Omayah and I had planned to visit the boys later. By 3:30pm everything was done and I started to leave the house. I wanted to drop by my area's mini market to get some things for Ikram. As I was driving straight ahead towards the mini market, a loud crashing sound was heard. My heart stopped beating! What had I done??????? I stopped the car immediately and a blue Proton Saga stopped reversing mid-way. Oh No!!!!! I did not see him and neither did he. He had crashed into my car. The side part of the second passenger side door. The back bumper had slightly fallen out, the side door was dented and of course, the scratch. I looked at him and apologized. MasyaAllah, what was this now, ya Allah????  Maybe I was so exhausted and was not focusing. Anyway, although I was on the right of way and it was he who crashed into me, I apologized first.

Both of us parked our cars and he was a nice man. He was also apologetic because he did not see me. I was very calm (Allah knows how I could control my composure as I was shaking with fright inside). I was more glad that he was not being rough, defensive or angry. He looked upset but I told him it was okay. He said he worked at the printing shop in one of the shophouses. He's a Malay man, in his forties I think and he looked like a nice man. Well, everybody looks nice to me!!! He asked me where I was going so I told him I wanted to send some food to my son in Changlun. He was very sorry about it. He said he would try to secure the fallen bumper so that I would be quite safe. I told him I had to go and get some things for my son (I was very trusting) and left the car to him. So, he tried to get a steel wire and managed to secure the bumper while I went to the mini market. We exchanged phone numbers and made an appointment for tomorrow at his friend's repair shop. He said the bumper was a total loss and would have to be replaced. He looked very worried. My hands were shaking with the crash. I could just istighfar. I told him we'd see about it tomorrow. I really had to go because I had promised Omayah. I had a tight schedule as I had to be back by 6:30pm to send the food to the shop for breaking fast.

The fallen back bumper - the man was kind enough to secure it with a steel wire

Dented...

View from the back - thankfully it was not the petrol tank area

When I reached Omayah's house, she was shocked and told me that the man was at fault. He had to pay the costs. I told her I'd handle it tomorrow. I was sorry for him. I felt so exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally. Yet, I persevered. Luckily Omayah was driving so I could take a deep breath and tried to gather my strength again. She tried to distract my attention and Alhamdulillah, we enjoyed the drive and meeting the boys. She asked me if I had called Noor and I said not yet. I told her that he would just get angry and blamed everybody and me for being careless or whatever. I was too tired to handle that. Just like the incident when the car's engine went dead at the Seberang Perai busy highway in Penang last year. Syafiq and I got a scolding instead of support. So, Omayah said maybe I should just handle it myself. She told me to make the man pay for the repair. I sympathised with him also. That was why she was insistent that the man had to learn his lesson, too. Oh well....maybe if I could afford it??? Kesian kat dia....

Ya Allah, You gave us trials to test us, to remind us and to expiate our sins and elevate our status on earth. I had been facing one trial after another. Small ones and major ones at the start of Ramadhan. I had to face it most of the time alone. I only had You, ya Allah. I don't know what I had done so wrong in my life to be faced with such trials and tribulations. Yet, in all gentleness and compassion, You gave me strength and patience. There was no anger with any of these trials. Everything happened for a reason. It was fated that this accident would happen today at about 3:40pm. There was only gratefulness and thankfulness. You still wanted me to know that You are always with me. You gave me friends and family when I had nobody close for support and encouragement. You gave me people who love, care and worry about me. From them, I found the strength. I never questioned why. It was meant to happen. I believe maybe I had done something wrong that I needed to be reminded. MasyaAllah. SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah. I accepted and believed that if I turned to You and relied only on You, You would see me through. InsyaAllah.

"If Allah brings you to it, only He can bring you through it."

"Hasbiyallah-hu-laillahaillahu-'alaihi tawakkal tu-wa huwa rabbul 'arsyil 'azim"

Endometrial Hyperplasia

Endometrial hyperplasia or thickened endometrium is a condition, where the lining of the uterus becomes too thick. The thickened endometrial lining leads to abnormal bleeding. This causes increase in the production of the estrogen in the body, irregular menstrual cycle and deficiency of progesterone. The endometrial hyperplasia is a non-cancerous condition, that increases the risk of endometrial carcinoma.

  Endometrial hyperplasia of the uterus, by itself, is not cancerous, but it does require treatment and monitoring to prevent the risk of cancer.

 However, there are times when uterine hyperplasia can get worse, leading to atypical and precancerous cellular changes. This is why any woman with hyperplasia is considered to be at a higher risk for cancer than one without. And even though this sounds scary, especially if you’ve just been diagnosed with a thickened endometrium, you should know that there are many steps between hyperplasia and full-blown uterine cancer — and early identification and intervention for uterine abnormalities is highly successful.

 In cases of hyperplasia without atypia, the general routine is to use prescription-strength progesterone/progestin therapy for three months, then to retest the endometrium. In milder cases this usually works well. Many healthcare providers use Provera for this purpose, but at Women to Women we use Prometrium, a brand of micronized natural progesterone (at high doses) that the body seems to handle effectively when used properly. Compounded bioidentical progesterone can also be used with great success. We prefer this treatment to Provera because we question how well the body is able to break down and clear synthetic compounds.

 Because ongoing follow-up is critical to ensure resolution, be sure to schedule and keep follow-up appointments as recommended by your healthcare provider. Ask questions and seek a second opinion if you feel you aren’t getting answers. And don’t let your fear of the worst keep you from exploring all of your options. You should be confident regarding your short-term and long-term plan and know that you have all the support and information you need.

Excerpt taken from womentowomen.com

Nobody's perfect...

As the saying goes - best friends are those who know you are weird and one of a kind but they accept you and never let you go crazy alone!!! :-D

Post-Flood 2010 - Reflections

It took 10 days for the floods to finally started receding. I could just watch the waters ebbed slowly and told it "dari Allah datangnya kamu, kepada Allah kembalinya kamu bila tiba masanya". It was depressing. We came back to the house when the waters started receding. I'd preferred to be at my house even though there was still water surrounding us.

The best part of the floods was the bond between the neighbours. We kept a look out for each other. We gathered at one of the higher level houses to discuss the cleaning up, the aids coming and due to us, the sick, the mess, the loss of property and whoever was coming to give aid. Since we hardly stayed around much, the others made sure to pass the forms to us and insisted that we also filled in. At first I refused telling Noor that we did not need the aid. Besides, there were others much badly affected than us. Yet, they said "all for one and one for all." It was a collective effort. So, we became officially, a statistic as a flood victim. :-{

The saddest part was the loss of the 2 boys aged 9 and 11 years old to the flood. The back part of this housing area (it comprised 4 housing estates) was the IWK complex. The road was tarred and actually, our residents' morning walk area. It was next to the padi fields and the canals leading to the river. Thus, during the floods, the children liked to gather here and played in the waters. Noor wandered until this area to see the rapid flowing waters. I avoided the waters and getting my feet wet ..:-} So, most of the time I would wait at the high level areas until he had completed the rounds. What I heard was the 4 boys were as usual there playing and accidentally, one of them fell into the waters. The second boy jumped in and tried to help him. This resulted in the third boy jumping in trying to pull out the second one. The fourth boy finally jumped in and managed to pull out the third one. The fast rapid waters sucked them in and all they could do was to get help. We went to see the parents. Our neighbourhood residents held vigil every night for a week. The Chief of Police, Dato' Hishamuddin, Dato' Shahrizat Jalil and a few other ministers came. One of the boy's father was a policeman. The police force sent their frogmen and after 5 days, they managed to locate one body 5km away. It was so bloated that they had to conduct a DNA to determine which were the parents. The other parents were devastated. While we were busy cleaning up our houses, the mother of the unfound boy was there for almost 2 weeks before she gave up and let go. It was very sad for all of us as we all had children and it could happen to any of us. My heart went to her and all I could do was offered prayers that Allah gave her strength and the patience to face this major test in her life. I could not imagine if it was one of my boys. ;-(

The padi fields were covered with the flood.

A day before, one could still see the "batas" sawah.

The fast flowing rapids...leading straight to the river.

The area where the boys fell and drowned - the body was found 5km away.

 What was significant about the post-flood was the help that came from unexpected quarters. The Tzu Chi Foundation came while I was busy washing the crockery that was submerged in the flood. They were represented by senior citizens - 4 of them. Very soft-spoken and gentle mannered. I was the first house they came to being at the end lot where one could park their cars. They told me that they were a voluntary non-profit body although most of them were Buddhists. Their work encompassed all over the world. They wanted to give cash aid. I thanked them politely but I refused the aid justifying that others were more deserving. They did not accept my refusal and instead clarified that my housing area was one the most badly affected in Alor Setar. Thus, I deserved the aid. Noor refused to come out to entertain them. Hence, we sat for a while and since they could speak English, made our communication easier. They gave me RM200 and a bagful of toiletries goodies. I was very touched and humbled. These were not muslims.
So, what did I do with the money? I told Noor to take me to this old couple (they were in their mid and late 70's) and handed over half the money to them as they needed it more than us. The other half I used it for our food money. I was grateful Noor never questioned any of my actions for charity work. :-) (Though I think he just could not understand the whys and so just let me be me  :-} )

The next group to come to our aid was the Anglican Church from Kuala Lumpur. Our house became the store to keep their aid of foodstuff before distribution. They came in a bus load to distribute rice, cooking oil, sugar....a RM200 worth of household needs. I tried to refuse again. They had a name list and so I graciously took it with every intention of giving them to the more needy.  I used my car to help them to send the things to other residents' houses and joined in their distribution. It was the least I could do. Then, while they waited for their bus to return to KL, I became the humble host. I put out some mats for them to sit on the porch, served whatever drinks I had, let them had a free use of the toilets and enjoyed talking to them in English, of course. MasyaAllah. SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah.

The politicians came with some volunteer squad from universities and colleges but it was much later when we had already did the hard work of cleaning up our houses. We were lucky because we did not lose out much on property. Noor liked to buy either solid wood or marble or iron...so, we only lost a mattress which was soaked by the flood, some pillows, clothes that could not really be salvaged, books and mostly unused items in the store room. Our neighbours were much worse off.

It took us almost 2 weeks to finally settled everything. Between the two of us, we managed little by little every day. It was exhausting and we were flat out every night. Allah permudahkan segala-galanya. Dia menduga sikit sahaja. Dia beri banjir hampir dengan cuti sekolah. Saya dapat cuti banjir bermakna 2 minggu akhir saya tidak perlu ke sekolah. Dia beri bantuan daripada sumber yang tidak disangka. Dia beri kesabaran dan kekuatan. Pada hari kami sedang mengemas rumah dan tak larat nak pergi cari makan, datang Omayah dan Sofiah hantar lunch. Malam Omayah hantar dinner. MasyaAllah. Hanya lafaz Alhamdulillah. Dalam kami kepenatan dan rasanya seperti tak boleh bangun keesokannya (terasa dah semakin berusia :-0 ) datang Fariza dan Ein (anak jiran) untuk membantu cuci porch and kemas store. Maka nikmat Allah manakah yang kamu dustakan? Terlalu sedikit dugaan, terlalu banyak dipermudahkan. Malulah kita jika kita tidak menjadi hamba yang bersyukur.

Last year, we were more prepared. The state was more prepared and cleared out the clogged drains and rivers. They said it would be a five to seven year cycle for the big flood. The last time was when we were in Mecca in 2005. Our area was spared. I hope we would be spared for the rest of our lives because honestly I could not take the cleaning up after the floods. InsyaAllah. Aamiiin.