What a start to welcome 2013. Maybe this year is going to be a trying year for me. Only 3 weeks into the year and I am feeling so exhausted emotionally and mentally. I am feeling so down-hearted, degraded and unmotivated. I have to keep telling myself that in my predicament, I must not let the students be at the losing end.
What had been happening? Well, to make a rather long story short, let's just summarized everything.
1. My job - my schedule and tasks for the year were challenging enough and when I asked for justification, I was berated and patronised in such a condescending manner that showed the administrators' irrational and unprofessional attitude. Thus, I just kept my peace. Silence speaks a thousand words.
2. My son, Akmal, called and we talked about his first heart break. I wish I could be there for him. I was so honoured and touched that he felt he could talk about it with his Mum. I was so sad for him. I could only tell him that hurts are part of growing up. Akmal's much loved cameras were stolen when someone broke into his room. I think that preceded the emotional heartbreak when he let go of his first relationship. My son's first experience and as he admitted - it was so painful and he had to go through it alone. Seemed like a deja vu because he decided to write an e-mail instead of telling her in person. I hope the girl would be all right and maybe someone better would take Akmal's place in her heart.
3 The passing of 2 friends. Shakir, due to complications from his diabetes. He was only 47 years old. A very successful lawyer and businessman. And Zali, my GPMS classmate back in 1980 and related to Noor. He died of a heart complication. He was only 52 years old leaving a wife and 7 children. What made me so upset was that these guys were not ordinary laymen. Both were educated enough and knowledgeable enough to know how serious their conditions were. Yet, both did not seriously tried to change their lifestyles or considering taking their health issues seriously.
4. Noor had a mishap returning from Melaka along the North-South highway. He was alone driving at about 3:00am. He was driving my car. He knocked against something on the highway and had a burst tyre. Luckily, he managed to swerve to the left. It was very dark and the cars were speeding. Later, another car had a burst tyre and swerved to the right i.e. the divider between the highways. The driver had his family with him. Noor went to help him to take his family across to safety. They saw that the thing on the road that had stuck onto the other man's tyre was one of the metals from the highway divider. Noor finally arrived home about 6:30am as I was getting ready for school. When he told me of the incident, I was just grateful that he was alright.
5. I had another fall. Right outside the staff room. Maybe I was stressed out. Maybe I was careless. Maybe it was meant to happen at that moment of time. Of course, it affected my legs. The doctor would just give me pain killers. So, I had to go through another painful massage, hoping that somehow my legs would be all right. I was willing to go through the pain as long it would not affect my prayers and daily routine. It hurt. ;-( It was painful. I just had to take things slow for a while.
Little incidents and tests ... yet I felt they were trying my patience and tolerance. Yes, I questioned why it was happening to me. Yes, I felt it was not fair and I felt victimised. Yet, one good thing that came out of these incidents was I ended up at the mosque for the jemaah prayers and read my Qur'an in solitude at one corner of Allah's house. I told Noor where I was. I was thankful that I felt so much at peace and calm. I accepted and although I still felt the unfairness of it all, I could still smile and held my head up high when I faced the admin. I still enjoyed my classes. I am still grateful for little things. I still had the patience and tolerance to accept whatever was thrown at me. InsyAllah, with Allah as my guide and with His grace, I will go through 2013 as He had planned for me with the strength, patience and tolerance He blessed me with. And all these in just 3 weeks of January. What a trying start to the new year ...
As Akmal said in his facebook - ""Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagi mu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, pada hal ia amat buruk bagi mu. Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." (Al-Baqarah:216) How perfectly true. :-)
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