Bapak was a man of his words. He honoured his words. Promises were made to be kept. Punctuality was a virtue. He hated people to be late even the news vendor or the bread man. He hated to wait for people yet he would prefer that he waited for that person rather than vice versa. He was a very responsible person towards his family and friends. His adage was to do the best to your ability. Whatever you did, made sure that you had done the best you could. I held on to these principles. That was why my colleagues told me that I had to learn to work smart rather than hard. Yet, his principles rang and stuck in my head. At least I had the satisfaction that I had done my best.
He was a disciplined man. He loved to read and instilled that in us. All of us loved to read. In fact, all of us carried books everywhere we went. He did not say much but when he deemed fit to speak out, beware!!! He never lost his temper that we were afraid IF he did lose it. We were taught to respect each other whether we liked that sibling or not!!! :=))) We learned to accept each other's individuality and respect their principles. Nobody was pressured to be like the other. We were and are who we were/are. We loved each other for better or for worse. We may complain and bemoan about each other yet, at the end of the day, we belong to each other. "Blood is thicker than water".
As far as I could remember he was always proud of our achievements whether academic or otherwise. He never expected you to be anything less than what you could be. He never belittled your academic achievements. Some may be better than others yet, he accepted and tried to encourage and gave his moral support. Of course, he had hoped that his children would turn out as doctors, lawyers etc... We tried :-D
I would say we turned out quite alright. We made him proud.
He would go to all lengths to make sure that we went to the best schools. All of us were sent to English medium schools far away from home. He would not send us to the kampung school. Thus, we never did mixed around with the local folks. We had no friends after school because we lived quite far from our school friends. In a way, this forged the siblinghood of the sisters and brothers! We always had no money as the missionary schools required school fees monthly. Books had to be bought. He always borrowed from his good friend, Mr. Dawson. As he had no children of his own, he always lent a helping hand. Bapak did not like to owe people. He made sure that at the end of the month, he paid off everything. Even after his death, he did not owe anybody any large sums of money. We followed this principle too. We do not take loans or borrow unless we really, really had to. So, we live by this adage - live within our means. What we don't have mean we don't need. Such simplicity. Makes our lives uncomplicated. Wise man with wisdom beyond the centuries. Thank you Pak, for these lessons which could not be found in any self-help or motivational books!!!
Monday 26 September 2011
Saturday 24 September 2011
Bapak.....(2)
Bapak was an old father. The age difference between Mak and him was 20 years. So, by the time we came along, he was already in his fifties. He retired early due to his health. In his own way, he was quite liberal and lenient with us. There were no parenting books or guidelines or courses like it is nowadays. Thus, he brought us up with his instincts and heart.
He never actually pushed us to study and did well in our studies. He never actually got involved and monitoring our studies. He trusted us enough to know what was good for us. We studied to please him. We did not dare fail as that would disappoint him. He never showed us that he was disappointed with us. He silently supported our decisions. He might not approved of some like my wish to go to Form 6, yet, he still relented albeit reluctantly. He was happy with whatever results you achieved. He would encouraged what was good for you even working in the factory to earn extra income for yourself. Hamid joined the school band. Mak conspired to keep Bapak in the dark. I think, secretly, he knew but he just played along and pretended he did not now anything about it. He didn't want Hamid's results to be affected. Hamid had always been the smart one among us.
Bapak never showed his love physically. He showed it through his actions. Through his letters. Through his thoughtfulness. He remembered everybody's birthday and celebrated it with small gifts but most often than not, your favourite food. He knew what your favourite food was. He would go to the market early in the morning (with me in tow) and asked Mak to cook for which ever child was coming home. He was always particular about replying letters. It was bad manners to make people wait even for a response. He would write about anything that concerned the family. I wrote to him when I first went to college and complained about being away from home. He replied :-
".... You must always consider when you are in a new place there will be some difficulties in all respects. You must be able to tolerate at the new place and the new company. Always remember you must be patient to all the difficulties and things will come out nicely in the future. I hope you will come down during the coming school holidays and be at home to enjoy your food and other things. My love to you and until we meet ..bye."
I could tell him anything. I still kept his letters. I still kept the telegram that told me to come home. Not his death. Just to come home. I came home to find him already dead and not waiting for me as he usually did...
He never actually pushed us to study and did well in our studies. He never actually got involved and monitoring our studies. He trusted us enough to know what was good for us. We studied to please him. We did not dare fail as that would disappoint him. He never showed us that he was disappointed with us. He silently supported our decisions. He might not approved of some like my wish to go to Form 6, yet, he still relented albeit reluctantly. He was happy with whatever results you achieved. He would encouraged what was good for you even working in the factory to earn extra income for yourself. Hamid joined the school band. Mak conspired to keep Bapak in the dark. I think, secretly, he knew but he just played along and pretended he did not now anything about it. He didn't want Hamid's results to be affected. Hamid had always been the smart one among us.
Bapak never showed his love physically. He showed it through his actions. Through his letters. Through his thoughtfulness. He remembered everybody's birthday and celebrated it with small gifts but most often than not, your favourite food. He knew what your favourite food was. He would go to the market early in the morning (with me in tow) and asked Mak to cook for which ever child was coming home. He was always particular about replying letters. It was bad manners to make people wait even for a response. He would write about anything that concerned the family. I wrote to him when I first went to college and complained about being away from home. He replied :-
".... You must always consider when you are in a new place there will be some difficulties in all respects. You must be able to tolerate at the new place and the new company. Always remember you must be patient to all the difficulties and things will come out nicely in the future. I hope you will come down during the coming school holidays and be at home to enjoy your food and other things. My love to you and until we meet ..bye."
I could tell him anything. I still kept his letters. I still kept the telegram that told me to come home. Not his death. Just to come home. I came home to find him already dead and not waiting for me as he usually did...
Friday 23 September 2011
Bapak...(1)
September is the month of bapak's birthday. If he had lived he would have been 100 years old being born in 1911. He passed away in 1982 at the age of 71. I was 21 years old that year. Second year in college. Losing him changed my whole life terribly. Not only for Mak but me, too.
I was "anak Bapak". He would take me with him to the market that I knew all his regular vendors from the butcher to the vegetable seller. He would take me with him for his visits to Dr. Bala. He wanted me to go to the shops for his supplies of cigarettes. He wanted me to massage his legs every night. He wanted me to run his errands for him like sent money to Hamid, posted his letters to Kak Ti and Kak Haj. When he was afflicted with the first stroke, I slept with him albeit on the floor in case he wanted anything. I cleaned his spittoon jar. I cut his finger nails. I trimmed his moustache. I was his secretary and continued to write for him his autobiography on all his children. He has 17 of them! He jotted down every detail from their birth dates, graduation, marriage, first baby...and so forth. I was privy to that book. Nobody knew about it until his death. Abang took that book with him. I don't know what he does with it. Yes, after my MCE while waiting for Form Six, I was his nurse while Mak was busy with the house and other children. I learned responsibility with love and commitment. There were no regrets of not going out with friends or finding part-time jobs. I was content to do anything for him.
I was as stubborn and rebellious as he was. Yet, I was never rude or obnoxious. He disciplined us very well. Being in a Convent school added to that morality standard. I wanted to go to Form Six which he refused to sign my permission form. That was the time I showed my rebellious streak. I got my best friend's, Fauziah, father to sign that form. When I wanted to register, he was much better from the effects of the first stroke. He retaliated and refused to give me the money to go to school. I had to ask from my sisters who were already working. After a few months, when I got my scholarship, I gave him part of the money. He knew then that I was financially sufficient to see myself through Form Six. Thus, he relented and reinstated my pocket money, bus fare and exam fees. Alhamdulillah. I went on "silent strike" for three days. If he was downstairs, then I remained upstairs. If he entered his prayers room, I'd sneak to the kitchen for food. Mak did not get involve with our silent war. She was "United Nations". We refused to talk to each other. He started the first step to forgiveness. After that, we were back to normal.
We had a love-hate relationship normal of that between teenagers and authority. Bapak was a typical aristocratic, authoritative, conservative Malay man. The only difference was he was English educated. He loved reading. He instilled our love for reading since we were young. He would subscribe 3 newspapers daily. That would be considered a luxury back then. The New Straits Times for English, Berita Harian for Malay since Mak read Malay and Utusan Jawi for learning to read Jawi. Thus, all of us could read jawi well. He treated us to Beano comics. Enid Blyton's books. He did not mind spending money on books.
I was "anak Bapak". He would take me with him to the market that I knew all his regular vendors from the butcher to the vegetable seller. He would take me with him for his visits to Dr. Bala. He wanted me to go to the shops for his supplies of cigarettes. He wanted me to massage his legs every night. He wanted me to run his errands for him like sent money to Hamid, posted his letters to Kak Ti and Kak Haj. When he was afflicted with the first stroke, I slept with him albeit on the floor in case he wanted anything. I cleaned his spittoon jar. I cut his finger nails. I trimmed his moustache. I was his secretary and continued to write for him his autobiography on all his children. He has 17 of them! He jotted down every detail from their birth dates, graduation, marriage, first baby...and so forth. I was privy to that book. Nobody knew about it until his death. Abang took that book with him. I don't know what he does with it. Yes, after my MCE while waiting for Form Six, I was his nurse while Mak was busy with the house and other children. I learned responsibility with love and commitment. There were no regrets of not going out with friends or finding part-time jobs. I was content to do anything for him.
I was as stubborn and rebellious as he was. Yet, I was never rude or obnoxious. He disciplined us very well. Being in a Convent school added to that morality standard. I wanted to go to Form Six which he refused to sign my permission form. That was the time I showed my rebellious streak. I got my best friend's, Fauziah, father to sign that form. When I wanted to register, he was much better from the effects of the first stroke. He retaliated and refused to give me the money to go to school. I had to ask from my sisters who were already working. After a few months, when I got my scholarship, I gave him part of the money. He knew then that I was financially sufficient to see myself through Form Six. Thus, he relented and reinstated my pocket money, bus fare and exam fees. Alhamdulillah. I went on "silent strike" for three days. If he was downstairs, then I remained upstairs. If he entered his prayers room, I'd sneak to the kitchen for food. Mak did not get involve with our silent war. She was "United Nations". We refused to talk to each other. He started the first step to forgiveness. After that, we were back to normal.
We had a love-hate relationship normal of that between teenagers and authority. Bapak was a typical aristocratic, authoritative, conservative Malay man. The only difference was he was English educated. He loved reading. He instilled our love for reading since we were young. He would subscribe 3 newspapers daily. That would be considered a luxury back then. The New Straits Times for English, Berita Harian for Malay since Mak read Malay and Utusan Jawi for learning to read Jawi. Thus, all of us could read jawi well. He treated us to Beano comics. Enid Blyton's books. He did not mind spending money on books.
Monday 19 September 2011
The lull before the storm..
Ever felt sometimes that when life is so peaceful, calm and comforting, it's as though it is just waiting for some catastrophe to happen? Have you ever felt that way?
Life is at its contentment now. Everything is calm and peaceful on the homefront. Now that there is only the two of us, we get along fine and tolerate each other better. Alhamdulillah. The boys are taken care of by Allah. Their destinies have already been determined by Him. So far, He has given them good tidings. I am very grateful. He has given us so much not in terms of materials but in terms of goodness, kindness, blessings and I can feel His compassion and mercy.
He gives me strength when I am at my weakest. He gives me solutions when I am at my loose ends. He gives me hope when I am down and depressed. He gives me richness so I can give out more alms. He gives me honour when I am at my lowest point in life. He gives me calmness when my life is in turbulence. He gives me patience when I am at wit's end. He gives me warmth when I am cold with human's nature. He gives me faith when I am at the brink of questioning it. He gives me friends to make my life a lot easier. He gives me family to make my life whole. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Segala puji bagi Allah.
"Maka nikmat Allah manakah yang kamu dustakan?" Surah Ar-Rahman
Life is at its contentment now. Everything is calm and peaceful on the homefront. Now that there is only the two of us, we get along fine and tolerate each other better. Alhamdulillah. The boys are taken care of by Allah. Their destinies have already been determined by Him. So far, He has given them good tidings. I am very grateful. He has given us so much not in terms of materials but in terms of goodness, kindness, blessings and I can feel His compassion and mercy.
He gives me strength when I am at my weakest. He gives me solutions when I am at my loose ends. He gives me hope when I am down and depressed. He gives me richness so I can give out more alms. He gives me honour when I am at my lowest point in life. He gives me calmness when my life is in turbulence. He gives me patience when I am at wit's end. He gives me warmth when I am cold with human's nature. He gives me faith when I am at the brink of questioning it. He gives me friends to make my life a lot easier. He gives me family to make my life whole. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Segala puji bagi Allah.
"Maka nikmat Allah manakah yang kamu dustakan?" Surah Ar-Rahman
Thursday 15 September 2011
Coincidence?
When I met Furziah and Vivien in Penang back in July, and I told them about my redundant blog, they literally screamed at me for not telling me about it. The blog was three years ago. Nobody knew about it except En. Jusni, the lecturer who taught us during the 3 months ICT course at IPDA. The first thing she said was I should write a book about it. Hmm...
Tuan Hj. Zakuwan was the former Principal at my present school. He retired last year (2010). He is a reader and a thinker. He's a tabligh follower. Whenever I had to see him on school matter, he always stalled me in his room and posed questions where I had to think carefully before answering. Usually it's about religion. Mostly it's about tasawuf. We always ended up talking about the things we had read. He also told me that I should write a book so that others could get ideas from me. Hmm...
Recently, during the Hari Raya rounds of Noor's family, I had a talk with Abang Shamsul Teng, his cousin in-law, a convert. He also said that I should write either articles, journals or books now that I am free of responsibilities of my children and have time on my hands. We used to talk a lot whenever we met. Intellectual opinions and discussions. He liked that too. Hmmm...
I wonder what's the catch here? Is Allah trying to tell me something through these people over the span of two years? Who would want to read about my ramblings and writings? I'm just a nobody. I don't even tell people about my new blog except for Furziah and Vivien. Before they screamed at me again...... :-))))
Tuan Hj. Zakuwan was the former Principal at my present school. He retired last year (2010). He is a reader and a thinker. He's a tabligh follower. Whenever I had to see him on school matter, he always stalled me in his room and posed questions where I had to think carefully before answering. Usually it's about religion. Mostly it's about tasawuf. We always ended up talking about the things we had read. He also told me that I should write a book so that others could get ideas from me. Hmm...
Recently, during the Hari Raya rounds of Noor's family, I had a talk with Abang Shamsul Teng, his cousin in-law, a convert. He also said that I should write either articles, journals or books now that I am free of responsibilities of my children and have time on my hands. We used to talk a lot whenever we met. Intellectual opinions and discussions. He liked that too. Hmmm...
I wonder what's the catch here? Is Allah trying to tell me something through these people over the span of two years? Who would want to read about my ramblings and writings? I'm just a nobody. I don't even tell people about my new blog except for Furziah and Vivien. Before they screamed at me again...... :-))))
Tuesday 13 September 2011
MasyaAllah...Subhanallah...
Ramadhan 1432H adalah bulan yang sangat mencabar. Menduga. Nikmat. Namun dalam kita mengejar keampunan, keberkatan dan keredhaan Allah, banyak yang kita alpa, lupa dan lalai. Kasih sayang Allah merangkumi hamba yang sering tersasar.
Puasa dalam bulan syawal pula diberi kenikmatan, kemudahan dan keberkatanNya. Puasa syawal ini pula yang diberi kelapangan ruang dan waktu untuk sahur, solat tengah malam, solat di masjid malah mengaji Quran lebih lancar dan kerap. Ya Allah, subhanallah. Kalau dalam bulan Ramadhan Kau izinkan aku kekuatan, kesabaran serta murahkan rezeki untuk masak dan jamu orang buka puasa, bulan Syawal yang besar pahala sunatnya dan hanya untuk menyediakan buka untuk Noor dan diri sendiri, berbagai ibadat Kau permudahkan untuk ku.
Alhamdulillah, ya Allah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Izinkan diri ini istiqamah dan iltizam dalam membuat yang terbaik untuk diri ku di dunia Mu ini. Amin.
Puasa dalam bulan syawal pula diberi kenikmatan, kemudahan dan keberkatanNya. Puasa syawal ini pula yang diberi kelapangan ruang dan waktu untuk sahur, solat tengah malam, solat di masjid malah mengaji Quran lebih lancar dan kerap. Ya Allah, subhanallah. Kalau dalam bulan Ramadhan Kau izinkan aku kekuatan, kesabaran serta murahkan rezeki untuk masak dan jamu orang buka puasa, bulan Syawal yang besar pahala sunatnya dan hanya untuk menyediakan buka untuk Noor dan diri sendiri, berbagai ibadat Kau permudahkan untuk ku.
Alhamdulillah, ya Allah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Izinkan diri ini istiqamah dan iltizam dalam membuat yang terbaik untuk diri ku di dunia Mu ini. Amin.
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| Amiiin...Amiiin...Amiiin... |
Saturday 10 September 2011
Orang-orang yang tidak disoal di dalam kubur
Orang-orang yang tidak disoal di dalam kubur :-
1. Nabi-nabi
2. Orang-orang yang cukup beriman seperti khalifah ar-rashidin, sahabat-sahabat Rasulullah saw
3. Orang yang jaga sempadan negara Islam
4. Orang yang iltizam dalam bacaan tanpa berhenti surah Al-Mulk - yakni yang baca setiap malam tanpa
tertinggal sebelum tidur sekali sehari
5. Orang yang mati syahid
6. Orang yang tidak lupa surah Al-Ikhlas ketika sakit hendak mati
7. Orang yang mati kerana cirit-birit dan dia redha
8. Orang yang mati dalam zaman wabak taun dan dia sabar samada dia terkena penyakit itu atau pun tidak
9. Orang yang mati pada malam Jumaat atau hari Jumaat
10.Orang yang gila atau tidak cerdik / lembam / bodoh
Orang-orang yang dicabut nyawa oleh Allah swt sendiri :-
1. Malaikat Maut
2. Orang-orang yang syahid
3. Orang-orang yang mengamalkan terus ayat Kursi setiap kali solat fardhu
4. Orang-orang yang jaga puasa sunat mereka
* sebagai penghormatan Allah swt ke atas mereka
"Ketahuilah di dunia ini ada amalan tetapi tiada balasan;
sementara di akhirat ada balasan tetapi tiada amalan." - Saidina Ali Abi Talib
1. Nabi-nabi
2. Orang-orang yang cukup beriman seperti khalifah ar-rashidin, sahabat-sahabat Rasulullah saw
3. Orang yang jaga sempadan negara Islam
4. Orang yang iltizam dalam bacaan tanpa berhenti surah Al-Mulk - yakni yang baca setiap malam tanpa
tertinggal sebelum tidur sekali sehari
5. Orang yang mati syahid
6. Orang yang tidak lupa surah Al-Ikhlas ketika sakit hendak mati
7. Orang yang mati kerana cirit-birit dan dia redha
8. Orang yang mati dalam zaman wabak taun dan dia sabar samada dia terkena penyakit itu atau pun tidak
9. Orang yang mati pada malam Jumaat atau hari Jumaat
10.Orang yang gila atau tidak cerdik / lembam / bodoh
Orang-orang yang dicabut nyawa oleh Allah swt sendiri :-
1. Malaikat Maut
2. Orang-orang yang syahid
3. Orang-orang yang mengamalkan terus ayat Kursi setiap kali solat fardhu
4. Orang-orang yang jaga puasa sunat mereka
* sebagai penghormatan Allah swt ke atas mereka
"Ketahuilah di dunia ini ada amalan tetapi tiada balasan;
sementara di akhirat ada balasan tetapi tiada amalan." - Saidina Ali Abi Talib
Friday 9 September 2011
For what it's worth...
For what it's worth :
It's never too late or in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or worst of it.I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you like the things that startle you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you are proud of. If you find that you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
- Benjamin Button, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Tuesday 6 September 2011
Reflections on Hari raya 2011/1432H
Overall, tiring. As usual, priority was at Noor's place. Hmmm...but this Raya, Allah was very kind to me. Even though I managed to spend only a few hours at Kak Ti's and Kak Leha's, I did got to meet Baba, Kak Ina (Abd Zul's sis), Nan (Adik's mum in-law), Hamid too. At Wah's place, I managed to meet Zin. I miss my family and spending time with them. Only Raya will they be back in Melaka. It's not easy to get to meet them. Noor's family selalu sangat jumpa. In fact, they are all in the kampung area, so everytime balik, jumpa juga. It's been almost twenty years and still he just couldn't care much about my side of the family. Well...kita sabar je la. Allah masih kesiankan I. Dia izinkan setiap kali I balik rumah my sisters, ada saja orang sampai so that we were stuck there for a few hours more. Kalau tak, sekejap aje nak balik la...nak pergi rumah his friends la...I honestly find Raya tiring. I prefer tak balik Raya.
Yet this Raya, ketentuan Allah adalah segala-galanya. I got to meet some special and meaningful friends. Kamal. Othman. I know they are Noor's friends but I know them first since they were in my class at GPMS. Both these guys are very special to me. Even though it's been so many years, when we meet up, it's like the years just go by. We just feel comfortable with each other. That's the word. The feeling of comfort. We talked like we had never parted. I still argue with Kamal. Laugh like crazy over little things with Othman. It wasn't planned. It happened. Allah determined it. Albeit it was through Noor that we met up. I enjoyed it. It made me warm and contented. The feeling that we got along easily.
I didn't get to meet up with Nooraini and Suratmi. What we had planned was something else. Even Noor, who was supposed to go back to Alor Setar with Suri decided that he would go back with me on Sunday. I thought I would have a couple of days with my sisters. Oh well....Allah kan maha adil. He gave some, He took some. That's fair. So, just bear with it and make the best of the situation. I enjoyed my family although not everybody was here..
Yet this Raya, ketentuan Allah adalah segala-galanya. I got to meet some special and meaningful friends. Kamal. Othman. I know they are Noor's friends but I know them first since they were in my class at GPMS. Both these guys are very special to me. Even though it's been so many years, when we meet up, it's like the years just go by. We just feel comfortable with each other. That's the word. The feeling of comfort. We talked like we had never parted. I still argue with Kamal. Laugh like crazy over little things with Othman. It wasn't planned. It happened. Allah determined it. Albeit it was through Noor that we met up. I enjoyed it. It made me warm and contented. The feeling that we got along easily.
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