Happily Ever After ... ;-0))

That's how fairy tales end. Happily ever after .... but at the end of the day, it is commitment. Kindness. Responsibility. These are what you get at the end of a marriage. Regardless of religion, the traditional wedding vow speaks for all ...

"... to have and to hold from this day forward,
  for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
  in sickness and in health,
  until death do us part..."

You may be so infatuated and in love but as years of marriage take its toll with children, career, finance, family, in-laws, siblings, relatives, friends .... every couple change. It is the cycle of life. It is how we adapt to the changes that makes a fulfilling marriage. Yet, most of us realise that, at the end of it, couples stay together even though love and passion are no longer there. There is contentment. Safety. Security. Commitment. Thus, we stay together because it is easier to do so. It beats loneliness. Although most couples are actually very lonely. Together but apart. So near yet so far.

Why am I exploring this topic? Well, I read an article in the Star newspaper about marriage. Even though the writer was so in love and besotted with her partner, after years of married life, she summed it up as ... Commitment. Kindness. The passion wanes. The love fades. I would add acceptance. If we can accept that this is our partner for life, it makes life together bearable. The bonus will be if the partner is a friend and lets you have your own space and freedom to lead your life as you see fit albeit within boundaries of your status. I have listened and observed so many marriages which are so empty. So constraint. So obligatory. Yet they stay as they feel that they have no choice. Hence, the voiceless loneliness. The silent unhappiness. The soundless discontent. Responsibilities are carried out without fail. Commitment fulfilled in sickness and in health. We indulge. We splurge. We give. Yet, we feel empty. Only the satisfaction that we have given our all and fulfill the marriage vows. No guilt. No regrets. No remorse. Thus, the question in one self - is this LIFE? Or is this living?

I have always loved to attend wedding ceremonies. To observe and to bask in the innocence and faith the couple have in their love for each other. I have always enjoyed the happy and cheerful atmosphere. To make their dream wedding materialise. I always smile and pray that they will, at the end of their lives, live happily ever after .... ;-))

What Can One Say ..... ;-((

How does one express condolences over the phone? Especially if it was so sudden and one really had not much ime to arrange the words or thoughts about what to say? If it was to someone who was really close and a sibling? What can one say to alleviate the grief, shock and sadness of the partner's sudden demise? I honestly could not say the right words when I called my eldest sister after I received the news of my brother in-law's death.

Well, to say it was a shock would not be so accurate. Although he had undergone dialysis for his kidneys for almost twenty years, he epitomised living. He still worked at RTM and he still drove my sister everywhere. He had beeen graced with prolonged life to watch his one and only son grew up, went to boarding school, off to university, started working, got married and had two adorable children. In fact, the second grandchild was born on the day he was admitted to hospital for lung infection. He was given a month to hold, cradled and enjoyed the new addition to his little family. My sister thought it would be one of those hospital stay where he would be in and out soon enough. Not this time.

Thus, when I received the news of his passing, I tried to call my eldest sister but it was not answered. I sent an sms of condolence. Later, when she returned my call, she could not say much as she ended up crying which would start me crying too. Thus, I calmed her and told her I would see her the next day. There was no point in having a conversation which were punctuated with sobs.

When I visited her and hugged her close, I wished I had the right words to say. Since I did not have any, I just kept quiet and held her close. Silence spoke volumes. Later, we talked about the incidents leading to my brother in-law's death, recalled the Hari Raya visit  two years ago, her son's children especially the one-month old beautiful Zara. As she was at her son's house, there were no visitors from neighbours or friends. If she was at her house, then she would have to receive all these well-meaning guests and could not just be on her own among family to come to terms with her loss. When I wanted to take my leave, again ... what can I say to ease her pain, her loneliness and sense of loss? What do you say when words are not enough??? ;-{{  

Somehow, as time passes, the pain will lessen but the warmth of love and memories remain.

Girls' Day Out ... ^-^

I had a met-up with my two ex-students who were already working. When I called them and told them I was in KL, they were so excited. They took me on a day outing for tea, i-City Shah Alam and culminated the day with dinner. I was excited too as I had not been to i-City yet. It was a wonderful, happy outing between a teacher and ex-students. I was honoured that they wanted to spend the day with me and accorded me preferential treatment. We no longer had the professional, serious relationship but a more easy-going bordering on "friend" relationship. I treated them like they were my children.

Well, what do I think of i-City theme park? Since most of the attractions were for children - they used height and weight measurement as eligibility for certain rides - thus we knew that we were way over qualified... ;-0)).  It was basically for children. There were also attractions for adults and we really enjoyed the Snowalk and Trick Art Museum. Since Hidayah would be leaving for Korea at the end of the ear, this was a good place to try out winter. We posed for many photos at the illusion museum and ended the day with dinner at "Segamat Rel Cafe". Good food, fun and relax company, catching up with each other's news, updating news about others .... it was a marvellous and fantastic day. My deepest appreciation and heartfelt gratitude to the two awesome young ladies who entertained my day out ....

Enjoy the photos .... you can find the map almost at every corner of the park.

At the Snowalk - for a taste of winter. Everything was carved of ice. Some areas were quite slippery. Entrance ticket was rm35. Jackets were given but other accessories like gloves or mufflers could be rented or bought. After fifteen minutes you would be freezing cold !!!!! There were also some ice games if you were up to it. Quite a few people took a fall due to the slippery floor of some exhibits.

While at the Trick Art Museum .... all the paintings were illusions. You could pose as suggested by the photos next to it or be more creative. Here are some of the illusion paintings.

Trying to look afraid of the crocodile ... ;-))

Stonehenge - mysterious and mythical

E.T. go home ....

Taj Mahal - a symbol of "till death do us part" ...

This is one angry ape .... 

Zombies ....

Checking the dinosaur's teeth ..

Stairway to heaven ... ;-0))

Here dearie, have a cup of tea...

I wish I could draw like this ...

Let's walk up the Great Wall of China

Sanctuary

We used to take the boys to the zoo here when they were young. I guess you could say that we practically remember most of the animals' cages or dens. This was also where Akmal had a close encounter with the elephant and we had photo sessions with Wira, the resident orang utan. I have always loved the gardens surrounding the zoo. It was like a sanctuary - the over hanging large, ancient trees with their long drooping branches are like their arms welcoming and enfolding you into them with a tight, loving and protective embrace. I always asked to spend the night here - within the surroundings of Taiping Lakes Garden. Thus, we were used to a government house there in the midst of the gardens.

Casuarina Inn Taiping. As a government servant, I was given a discount. A few years later it was taken over by a private sector but the special discount for government servants was retained. Then, the boys grew up and went off to study. Thus, we never stopped by Taiping anymore. There was no reason to. Last week, on my way down to Melaka to send off Ikram to his campus, I decided to make a pit stop here. I was just mentally and emotionally tired plus both were sleepy to continue driving. I decided to look out for Rosni, my junior housemate during college days. I managed to get her school address from Pit. When we met up, it was not satisfying as she was still having classes. So, I decided that we would spend the night here and had dinner with her later. She literally jumped for joy and could not wait to see me and caught up later. Alhamdulillah as I still could make somebody happy with my presence.

So now we had to look up for a place to stay the night. I told Ikram to head for the lakes and tried to locate the old rest house. We managed to locate it but it was now a run down and totally abandoned building still secluded in this part of the lakes. It was so sad .... I dared not ventured into the area as it was in the middle of thickening foliage that gave it an eerie, mysterious environment. Ikram's foreboding warnings of unseen creatures did not help me gather my courage to step out of the car. Hence, this was taken from the driveway.

The sign board was also dilapidated. It was situated slightly on the upper level of the Lake Gardens

I had always loved this humongous roman pillars leading towards the inn. Now it was full of clinging vines

The almost demolished and abandoned reception hall

The next day before we went off, we dropped by the War Cemetery. It's a tranquil, peaceful and calming place. I do not know why I always find cemeteries as places which gave me a sense of peace and calmness especially my parents' graveyard.

Very neat, tranquil and peaceful. May the dead rest in peace.

Taiping Lake Gardens - a place where I found solace and refuge from whatever turmoil that was brewing in my mind and heart. A place of sanctuary, security and embalming ... except the rest house is no longer accommodating. One day ..... ;-))

When Do We Let Go?

As parents, instinctively we will try to protect as long as we possibly can the innocence and naivety of our child. Observe how protective mother animals are of their brood. Whether its a cat, mother hen, tigress or even smaller creatures. We try, as parents, to shield them from outer forces that can hurt, injure or maim our precious child. In our protectiveness, either we give them too little or too much knowledge on how to face problems, failures, disappointments, hurts or rejection. Perhaps too, on how to be grateful, accepting and appreciative. Thus, when we finally let go of the apron strings, is the child equipped to face all these predicaments and more?

Some children face everything that comes their way by accepting whatever it offers. Some have it easy as they are well-prepared to face it. On the other hand, some face it the hard way. Some stumble and fall. Some grope and hang on. While some just face it headlong. The most important thing is how to get up, brush the dust off the back and stoically move on with a smile. Only experience can teach them.

Thus, the question is - should the parents just let them fall and get up again and again? Hoping that they have learned something along the way? Should we just stand on the side lines and look on? Should we just stand back and give them support and encouragement? Where do we draw the line bordering on getting involve and letting the children to learn to cope and fend for themselves? Where do we learn to draw the line between being protective and not caring? Is it not being callous and heartless? Is too much love, over protectiveness and being careful make these children vulnerable and easy targets for emotional blackmail or heart aches?

It is never easy to become a parent. At what age do we let go and let the children grow up? There are simply no specific guidelines. Every child is different. Each has its own personalities, characteristics and idiosyncracies. Hence, when the child is going through a heart break, an emotional upheaval, mentally tormented, physically abusive or mind shattering normalcy .... how well do they cope with it? What can we, as parents, do?

Just watch from afar while being tormented ourselves? Go running to them, hug them tight and blow the pain away? Talk some sense into them and assure them of our love, support and acceptance? What do we do? We cry for them. We hope and pray for them. How much can we butt in and get involve without trampling over their ego, self-confidence and self-esteem? We watch in silence innocence lost. Faith challenged. Lost souls. Empty hearts. How much can we, as parents, take?

I wish with all my heart and soul that I have the answers to all the questions posed above. I wish with all my human might that I am able to shield my own sons from heart aches, malicious slander, emotional upheaval, physical pain, upsets, degradation, defamation, mental blockage .... I can only watch from afar. Shed tears of hopelessness. Pray that whatever happens in their lives will only strengthen their faith and belief that whatever Allah has decreed upon them are the best for their lives. That whatever happens, happens for a reason - to remind us, to teach us or to reprimand us. Thus far, a parent will, at the end of the day, knows the balance of letting go and holding on.