Bapak was a man who was very committed to his family. He was a such a gentleman and very responsible. Maybe due to his upbringing and being English educated, he was not like a typical, stereotypical Malay man. He took care of Mak and everything in the running of the house. He did the marketing every morning. He made sure there were helpers aka maids to help her did the chores around the house. We usually had two helpers - one to handle the tons of clothes and the other to clean the house. He made the house as comfortable as possible. He extended the house until it was large enough for all of us and more. He was a man of few words but he was generous in his actions. He showed his love through his thoughtfulness, caring, fulfilling our wants when he could afford it, respecting your privacy and space. Although very authoritarian and conservative, he could be reasonable when necessary. I brought back a pair of rabbits courtesy of Fauziah's father. I did not have his permission to keep them. He just kept quiet while Mak fed the rabbits with some vegetables. The next day when I got home from school he had already fenced up a part of the area at the back of the house for the rabbits pleasure. A few weeks later, he had built a small hatch for the rabbits. He was a draughtsman. For that gesture, I would always love him. He entertained Mak's love for cats. We had fishes. Birds. Mak's gentle nature loved animals. He even gave extra pocket money for the rabbits "kangkong".
Bapak never scolded the many of us. Neither did he ever yelled or shouted. He seldom showed his temper but when he did, which was very rare because someone had displeased him, he would just cut ties with that person and his family. He bore grudges but at the same time, he valued friendships and relationships. Mak always reminded us not to follow Bapak's temper. I was always afraid of people's anger. A slight raise of voice from my husband and I would think that he was scolding me. That would upset me very much as my own father never scolded me. Neither did Mak. That put him in a difficult situation if he was angry with me. Now he learned to just keep his peace and counsel. :-{ I guess I expected to be treated like Bapak treated us ..... hmmm ....
I had a love-hate relationship with my father. I guess all teenagers do. Growing up in a very protective environment and being the daughter most closest to him, I sometimes rebelled whenever I could not get what I wanted. For example furthering my studies to Form Six. Applying for Mass Communications to ITM. He could not foresee his children being out of the norm. To him it is acceptable to be a teacher, lawyer, banker, secretary, .... I love reading and writing and the freedom of life a journalist entails. No, he inculcated the giving back to society conscience in us. When I received the offer to teaching college, he quietly reminded me that since we were good in English, it would be our obligation to do something for the other Malays. Thus, I went with his blessings and Mak.
I could always talk to him about things. I could always express my opinion even though I knew he would not even consider it. I could always make suggestions. Where the other children dared not approach him for anything, I would be the spokesperson. As if he would listen to me!!! Bapak had a mind of his own. Black was black and white was white. Yet, on the other hand, he could be the most obliging father in the world. He would spend money for Hari Raya shopping making sure everybody had new clothes and shoes. He would not care about budget when it came to food.
Hence, when I went off to college and left home for the first time in my life, the first thing I did was to write him a letter complaining about my life there. He was a regular letter-writer. It was impolite and rude to him if he ignored any letters. He wrote to all his children whether they were studying locally or abroad. The first ever letter he wrote to me was written by Hafsah, who acted as his secretary since I was no longer at home. I still kept the letter. He only wrote twice before he had the final stroke. I also kept the telegram that told me to go home. I had burnt most of the old letters from friends and other meaningful people in my life but I just could not do it to his letters. Whenever I felt so down and upset with this world which always tried the little patience I had, I would open my special personal diary and read his letters for comfort, love and encouragement. Mak always said I was like him. I was an impatient person with a temper like his. Thus I learned to control my temper and taught myself to be tolerant of others. We did not suffer fools easily. I guessed I had mellowed a lot over the years.
People said that a father is always the daughter's first love. He was everything to me and I guess he had all the qualities and characteristics of a man should have in our young, impressionable opinion. He gave his all to us and loved us with all his heart as shown through his words and actions. He pampered and spoiled Mak. He respected her and gave her whatever she wanted or could afford. He pampered us but never spoiled us. Who we are now was what he had instilled unto us and we passed on to our children. We can always talk to the dead as they are always in our hearts. ..... :-)) Happy Birthday Pak ... in memory ....
No comments:
Post a Comment