Bapak.....(2)

Bapak was an old father. The age difference between Mak and him was 20 years. So, by the time we came along, he was already in his fifties. He retired early due to his health. In his own way, he was quite liberal and lenient with us. There were no parenting books or guidelines or courses like it is nowadays. Thus, he brought us up with his instincts and heart.

He never actually pushed us to study and did well in our studies. He never actually got involved and monitoring our studies. He trusted us enough to know what was good for us. We studied to please him. We did not dare fail as that would disappoint him. He never showed us that he was disappointed with us. He silently supported our decisions. He might not approved of some like my wish to go to Form 6, yet, he still relented albeit reluctantly. He was happy with whatever results you achieved. He would encouraged what was good for you even working in the factory to earn extra income for yourself. Hamid joined the school band. Mak conspired to keep Bapak in the dark. I think, secretly, he knew but he just played along and pretended he did not now anything about it. He didn't want Hamid's results to be affected. Hamid had always been the smart one among us.

Bapak never showed his love physically. He showed it through his actions. Through his letters. Through his thoughtfulness. He remembered everybody's birthday and celebrated it with small gifts but most often than not, your favourite food. He knew what your favourite food was. He would go to the market early in the morning (with me in tow) and asked Mak to cook for which ever child was coming home. He was always particular about replying letters. It was bad manners to make people wait even for a response. He would write about anything that concerned the family. I wrote to him when I first went to college and complained about being away from home. He replied :-

".... You must always consider when you are in a new place there will be some difficulties in all respects. You must be able to tolerate at the new place and the new company. Always remember you must be patient to all the difficulties and things will come out nicely in the future. I hope you will come down during the coming school holidays and be at home to enjoy your food and other things. My love to you and until we meet ..bye."

I could tell him anything. I still kept his letters. I still kept the telegram that told me to come home. Not his death. Just to come home. I came home to find him already dead and not waiting for me as he usually did...