"Kalau la perceraian itu jalan terbaik untuk sebuah perhubungan, itu la jalan yang terpaksa dipilih."
That was the sms I received yesterday. Sometimes, I wonder what is it about me that people seem to trust me with their problems. Even people that I would not categorise as very close, open themselves up to me. I am afraid because I might say the wrong words. Give the wrong advice. Express opinionated views. Not being subjective. You know how liberal I am with my views! There were times when I was having a drink at the school cafe, a staff sat down with me and started asking "What do you think....?" or "If you were in my place, what would you do?" I just could not walk away when someone was hoping for a response. "What would be your advice regarding..." I think sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger. As for myself, I would rather talk to my diary. Now, my blog. Yes, sometimes it helps when you write it down and rearrange your thoughts, you will notice how stupid your approach towards the problem.
Back to this young lady. She is in her 30's. She has been having problems since the last two years but more prominent during the end of last year. This is the second time she has raised this issue. Well, what could I say? Patience. Tolerance. Give and take. I think almost everybody would have gone through this trial in their marriage. when one day, you just found that it was just impossible to live together anymore. How hard you tried yet it was just not hard enough. That it was much easier to walk out rather than confront the issues. That nobody understood. That you were doing all the giving and the other half was just taking everything. That you were under appreciated. Hmmm...even I went through all that. It was only when you had lived together would you know whether you were compatible or not. At the end of the day, it was just tolerance, respect and acceptance. After so many years together, we are still together, you learn that maybe this is the best for you in this world. InsyaAllah.
What is happening in Shita's marriage is only known to her. Yes, she did tell me some of it. Her husband has lost his job and is still trying to make it. They used to live in a lavish style and now, although he still tries to maintain the house, it is a struggle. She has started a business and is doing quite well. Within 4 years she already has 2 branches, bought a new car and recently a house for her business. Her husband is struggling with his finance every month. He has to borrow just to cover his cheques. I know because Noor is one of the regular lenders. They are not working together to pull out of this trial and tribulation. She complains every time he asks for money. She will complain to me. What can I say? As long as you are able, help out. But sometimes, I wish the husband will do something else if this venture he is in is not showing any progress after 4 years. Sometimes, I think he is afraid of starting all over again. Already he is blacklisted by the banks. His creditors are always after him. Now the main complain is - she is running everything - the house, children, food, school....she complains that her husband does not even want to spend time with them. I am not sure if there is a third party.I always feel that as long as there is something good to hang on, why not try harder? It is so easy to walk out and leave. How many times in a marriage does one feel that way? Especially if there is no love lost? It depends on what is her priority now. Well, I guess I'll just listen and pray that Allah will show me a way to advise her.
I am afraid of what I may say to her tomorrow. We have a hi-tea appointment tomorrow. Jika tidak ada lagi rasa sayang atau cinta, sekurang-kurangnya masih ada rasa kasihan, hormat, redha dan terima hakikat bahawa ini adalah ketentuan kita di dunia ini. I think if she can accept these facts, she will not easily consider divorce as a way out. I think I better not say something like - go and see a lawyer!!! :-)
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