Labbaikallah humma labbaik..... the offer.

The year was 2002. We got an offer to go for our Haj albeit in the waiting list. I had already received an offer to further my studies for three years to USM. Register for USM was in June 2002 and the Haj that year was in December. I pondered over it. So much nikmat in so short a time. Finally, I told Noor I couldn't concentrate on two major things in my life. Noor was understanding and did not push me to go for the Haj. I know he wanted to go but he accepted my decision and decided to wait. I didn't want to appear like I was so greedy that I wanted to grab everything thrown out to  me. Then, I couldn't do my best for these things. Thus, we went to Tabung Haji and asked for a deferment to 2006 i.e. after I graduated from USM in 2005. Alhamdulillah, they agreed.

I went to study and did my best. April 2005 I completed my studies and got my posting to my former school. May 2005 we received another surprise. We were offered again to go for our Haj that year. This time it was a confirmed offer and not on the waiting list. I was dumbfounded and kept asking Noor what did the offer meant. We were not prepared for anything. We got ourselves registered and agreed to accept although we didn't really know anything about the pilgrimage. We heard about it but not really into it.

So many well meaning friends and people started to give advice, words, encouragement, support and not less gave stories that scared you etc. Finally, I refused to let anybody's words influenced me. I bought whatever relevant books and started reading seriously. We went for the Haji course conducted by Tabung Haji and tried not to miss a single class. Honestly, it helped a little but I was still blank about it. It was not what you did everyday in your life. I talked to my uztazah who was more practical. Spiritually I was not ready. Emotionally I blanked my feelings about going. Physically I was not really healthy with my blood pressure and my weak knees. Financially, suddenly I had so much money with the arrears from the DG29, the claims and whatnots. When Allah called you, only He could make the path easy or difficult. It was too smooth for me. It scared me. I was afraid to go and be an invited guest to His Home. To pay my respects to my Prophet (pbuh). I was afraid I might not justify the invitation.

I went back to Melaka in June for Juli's wedding. I told Mak about the offer. She was very happy for me and reminisced about her pilgrimage. Kak Ti had sent her bags to Mak's house so that I could use them.That night I slept with Mak in her room and we talked the night away. That was the last time I saw her. She passed away in August that year. Allah gave something and He took away something as replacement so that we learned to be grateful and be humbled by His ways. My graduation and convocation was a week after Mak's death. After that, I pushed everything back in the recesses of my mind and concentrated on the preparation for the journey of a lifetime.

Masjidil Haram 2005M / 1426H