Bapak....(4)

4:00 am. 27th January 1982. The two hounds next door were barking like crazy. Sham and I, who slept downstairs, woke up with a start. We were afraid that somebody tried to break into the house. We heard uncle's voice calling out to us. We opened our window which was facing his house and was told that two policemen were outside and asking for me. I told him that I was the one. He told us to open the door and he would wait outside near the fence with the two dobermans. So, Sham and I opened the door and unlocked the gate. The policemen wanted to deliver a telegram to me. At 4:30am in the morning I received a telegram stating that "Bapak was very sick. Please come home." By now, Muna and Leha were also up. I was quiet. The girls boiled some water and made drinks while I prepared to go home to Melaka.

Bapak had been admitted to the ICU since last week. I was home  last week. He was on ventilator due to difficult breathing. This was his third stroke. I was home that weekend when we had to call the ambulance to take him to the hospital. Before I returned to college, I went to see him at the ICU and told him that I would be back next weekend. I asked him to wait for me. He nodded his head. It was not a weekend when the telegram came. He did not wait for me. For the first time in his life, he did not keep his word to me.

I reached home almost noon. They were performing the bathing and cleaning ritual for the dead. My family told me that Bapak passed away early that morning. I ran upstairs and cried. Cried because I felt devastated. I felt betrayed. I felt helpless. I felt lost. My world had fallen apart. It struck me then that I had no more father to confide in, to be loved, to be protected and to feel secure. I had lost my protector. Slowly, somebody called to me to bid farewell and warned me not to let my tears dropped on his body. I tried very hard just to kiss him on his forehead and control my tears. Then I ran upstairs and sobbed my heart out. We went to the cemetery to watch the burial and bid him adieu. He was the best father albeit a difficult one for my young age.

That year I turned 21. I lost my father. With him gone, I lost my childhood home. I lost my serene, sweet mother. She became depressed, dependent and lost. With Bapak gone, I was forced to grow up. Gone was the happy, confident and easy going Hani. I grew up a serious, responsible and committed to my family. I lost my trust and faith in men. My father never waited for me. It took me five years to forget a relationship which I had since Form 6. He also didn't wait for me. Finally I accepted and learned to trust an old friend who now is my life partner. He waited for me. He persevered. He was very patient and let me got over my hurts and disappointments. Thank you, Bapak, for who I am and have become. I am getting along fine in my life now. Rest in peace now that Mak is with you. You had always taken care of us. May every good deed that we do in this life makes your life over there peaceful and somehow takes care of you. InsyaAllah. Amin.